Sage Eagle

Okay, So you don't have a girlfriend. You're not getting any sex. On your current course, you're about to become a monk. You feel down and depressed. Why!? "But Scotsman, I got no girl!" That is not the problem The problem is that you place your happiness on a girl. You can't be happy in a relationship unless you're happy being single. Get away, enduldge yourself in your hobbies and work. Whatever you do, do not sit there and regurgitate your emotions. Take Action. What I commonly read is, "..but I am doing things to stay busy. I have a natural need for intimacy. I am tired of being single!" And I am certain it is especially burning that you walk around and see these happy couples, hand in hand, with huge smiles on their faces, almost as if they're mocking you. It is not doing you any good to dwell on the past right now. Start dating again. Set a goal for yourself. Write on your calendar that you will find a date within a certain amount of time-Even if it's not anything you want for permanancy. When you first begin dating again, your mind may reflect back on your ex. But if you keep distracting yourself, you will discover that the frequency that you reflect will be less and less. Don't be so tender in your emotions and oblivious to reality. This will eventually destroy you piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit. Be the man. Start fresh right now-from this day. This is the day to reclaim yourself, not tomarrow-right now! Sage Eagle

If a lady buys you a drink at a bar, you should always thank them. Even if you are not interested. Simply walk up to them and talk. "Hi, I'm________, thank's for the drink." They most likely will introduce themself to you. Then you can ask, "Where are you from?" If you know the area you can say, "Oh I know where that is......" Keep the flow of conversation smooth. Don't panic. This is not a job interview. She may or may not ask where you are from. If she does, you can tell her. It's up to you. If you don't want to tell her, be vague. For instance, "Southern Seattle." Regardless if you are intersted or not, don't be rude. Give a few minutes of your time and be friendly. If you want to break away, after a few minutes of your time, thank them and excuse yourself to the restroom or pool table or whatever. On the other hand, if you are wanting to buy a lady a drink, you might want to find out what she's drinking and ask the bartender to suggest something that she may like. After she accepts her drink and you find that she doesn't thank you or even acknowledge you, don't let it bother you. Some girls are just shy. Wait a couple of minutes and walk up and ask, "how'd you like the drink?" "My name is _____________." And start talking. If conversation feels comfortable ask her to play a game of pool, or foosball, or even dance. The worse she will do is decline, which is fine because you won't have to sink anymore money on her drinks and you can find another lady that won't say "No." If you get negative signals, i.e; ignoring you or always looking away from you, simply say, "Nice to meet you. Have a good evening!" Then walk away. TIP** It really helps make a good first-impression by smiling and showing that you are having a good time. This makes women more comfortable, and will show that you have confidence in yourself. Good Hunting! Sage Eagle

Really Dude it's cool! You just look this chick right in her big beautiful eyes and flirt. Wink at her. But play cool too. You don't want to give her the impression that you are desperate!! Tell her you'll need her phone number so that you can call her later in the week and maybe get together for some fun! Then when you actually get the number, don't call her right away or you'll spook her off. Wait for three or four days then call--WITH A PLANNED DATE!!! Make sure you get the details of wha you two will be doin. Then when you call her you can say, "Such -n- such is at wherever and I'd like to take you." Avoid saying "Uhh" and "Ummm". Dress Nice for the date and DON'T BE LATE!!! Think of some intersting topics to talk about, but don't talk about you too much. Talk about her. If she ask about you, tell her but don't go on and on. That turns chicks off!! Keep a little mystery about yourself! Since your confidence is in need of an overhaul, you might want to look into sites on the net that give you ideas of raising your self-esteem. Women love confidence!!! Now go be a stud and get that number!! Sage Eagle

Hi Broken Heart. I thought Holly's idea was a little better than the rose-path leading to the bath-tub. You said so yourself that she seemed to be coming around more since the main focus was not a sex issue. I think she mightsee this as a plan leading to sex -vs- a plan to re-establish kindling and mending of broken hearts. I think if you show a true interest in her as a person, and really really listen to her with empathy, you'll find her more willing to open more of herself to you. Women are smarter than alot of us men give them credit for. They're pretty keen on what our motives are. Yes you should offer romance. But offer her your whole open heart. Pledge to her that you don't want to involve yourself in any heart tugging games, and you'll honor her true desire, because you love her. I also agree with you. You don't want to chase after her too much, but you do need to show a genuine interest in her. I raise my champane glass to you--hoping you have a truly happy ending! Take Care of #1, That my friend...is You! Sage Eagle

Hi PsychoChick. All good conversations have various interesting topics. Just stick to one for awhile, then move to the next. Here's a quick list of various topics to get the conversation. You can probably add many more. 1. School Past or present/ his or yours. Location. Favorite subjects, classmates .pranks. 2. favorite's movies, actors, music, song's etc;,. 3. Most embarrassing moments his and yours 4. Goals his/ yours 5. greatest achievements his/ your's 6. funniest thing ever witnessed 7. scariest thing that ever happened 8. belief's (i.e; God, U.F.O's, Ghost's, Life-after-death. reincarnation, E.S.P., etc;.) That's only eight. I'm sure you can come up with more. Make it fun. Be yourself! It's all about getting to know each other. Sage Eagle[/u]

Sorry to hear of your situations. I think there are alot of men that have an addiction to atleast some degree. I don't know what the statistics are of men that grow out of it and men that do not. Personally, I have in the past, been a user of porn. I'm not completely ashamed of myself. I think it's something that more men than women go through. While men are usually the one's struggling with their addiction to porn, women are usually the one's with the toys, (which by no means should be considered a bad thing). People use these tools to let off steam. It can be considered a "Quick Fix". However, if you simply cannot stomach your boyfriend, husband or son to continue using porn, here is a site that may be of some use to you. Live well Sage Eagle

Good Post Scotsman! Guess we all know where your mind is? I'm surprised you didn't mention flavoring, or using wine or champain in the mix. For variety, it's something to consider. See ya around! Sage Eagle

I never claimed to be an expert on this matter. But I have relatively no difficulties speaking to women. The main thing to remember is, you don't have to be a jabber-jaw to be a good conversationalist. Just speak. I'll list a few pointers below that may be of some use to you. When meeting someone new, NEVER get your hopes up high. Keep your expectations in check, and you'll do much better. Just be yourself. 1. Say Hi, and introduce yourself. 2. Smile 3. Compliment something about them. Example: "That's a very nice necklace," or "I like your shirt," or "You have pretty hair". Whatever you discover about her worth complimenting. *Always smile after paying the compliment. By now you will be able to pick up her signals (hopefully). She either wants to continue the conversation, or she doesn't, or she's just plain shy. Sometimes it's hard to tell if a lady is just plain shy. Shy women tend to giggle alot, and aren't usually quick to run off. So if you have a giggly gal on your hands, that's great. Shy women can be the best girlfriend material. AGAIN, remember not to get your hopes too high. At the very least, you are gaining experience. 4. Be a GOOD listener. Hear her side of the conversation. Avoid ignoring her just to plan what you'll be saying next. She may detect that you're not really listening, and be totally turned off. 5. Depending on where you are, (nightclub, park, coffee/tea house) ask her to join you. At this point you may offer to buy her a drink,tea, or coffee. 6. If she declines, that's okay. If you feel it all went fairly well, ask her for her phone number so that you may call her sometime. If she gives this number...wait atleast three days is the GOLDEN RULE. On that third day, before you call her do some research for your proposed date. Find out where you want to take her, the time, the activities (if applicable), if you'll be picking her up or if she'll be meeting you., if other people will be doubling with you, etc. DETAILS! 7. Assuming you have a plan. Call her up. Be yourself. Don't panic. Count to 10 slowly if you feel you may panic. Be prepared for a "yes" or a "no". Here' a scenario that may help.. Meet Todd. He met a sweet young lady named Cindy at a book store on tuesday. He succeeded in getting her phone number. It is now three days later (Friday). 1st He makes two lists of suggestions for Sunday Afternoon. He purposely has plans with his friends John and Sam on Saturday. Suggestion#1 =Go Bowling | Suggestion #2 =Go To The History | Museum He already knows where, when, costs, and special exhibits/events i.e. cosmic bowling. He now has a pretty good plan for a thoughtful proposal. He confidently dials Cindy's number. She answers, "Hello". Todd: "Hi, may I speak with Cindy please?" Cindy: "Speaking." Todd: "Hello Cindy. This is Todd. We had a lovely conversation last tuesday at the Books Etc; store." Cindy: "Oh Hi" (secretly she's excited Todd remembered to call). Todd: "I heard about an exotic exhibit at the art museum this sunday, that I think would be kind of neat to check out and I would be delighted if you'd accompany me." OR..... Todd: "Are you a good bowler"? I'm sure you're better than I am. I called Yorkshire Bowling today, and found out that they have alot of specials on sunday. Sounded like something fun that we could do if you don't have a previous engagement." As you can see, it's really not rocket science. Just talk. Have a plan. Go get her! Have Fun!

Way to go LearningL8 !! Keep that attitude -knowing you can't be happy with anyone, until you're happy with/by yourself. Remember not to be too available for this new lady friend. Thanks for sharing with us! Godspeed!! Sage Eagle

Just remember there lad, It's not all about her anymore. It's all about re-creating the NEW you. You will come out of this a new-wiser man! Keep in touch and let us all know how things are going for you. Take Care/Godspeed/Keep Cool!! 8) grneyedscotsman

I'm sure she's not ignoring you on purpose. She may have only been a 'one time only' visitor E.O.the Tiger!

Very Good Post indeed!! Keep that advice flowing!! Very helpful! Godspeed grneyedscotsman!! 8)

People want what they can't have. By constantley making yourself available, you're actually diminishing your value. This is not a trick or a game to play, but a function of human behavior. That which is plentiful is often underappreciated and that which is rare is held in high regard and considered valuable. PERSPECTIVE In your relationships, you need perspective. In life, when we derive pleasure from only one source we tend to overemphasize its value and importance. You should find meaning in your life outside of the relationship so this person doesn't become your whole world. Here's the crux of how and why relationships work or fail. Simply, you can't appreciate what you take for granted. This is essentially why people, in general, become unhappy in their own lives. Thay always want more but are never greatful for what they have. And if you are not greatful for what you have, you will begin to take it for granted. And when you do this, you no longer appreciate it. And when you don't appreciate something it holds no enjoyment for you. The same holds true for relationships. If someone takes you for granted he or she will not appreciate you and will begin to look for someone else. Similarly, if you went to the doctor and was told that you might lose your hearing, you would probably develop a renewed appreciation for sound. Our gratitude lies in being reminded that we should not take these things for granted. And you don't take for granted what you believe can be taken away from you at any time. Similarly, if the object of your affections is a bit insecure with the relationship-meaning there is an element of doubt-then her lack of confidence will not lead to arrogance and ingratitude. Youmust create an element of uncertainty or you will lose the passion that drives the relationship. Again, without some doubt there is a feeling that "you will always be there". Then she no longer sees how great you are and loses appreciation for you. Unfortunately, when we are insecure about a relationship, we harm it further by being clingier because we need reassurance. But in doing so you reinforce that you are forever hers and remove in her mind any doubt that you might not always be there. And then passion is extinguished. Now get off your butt and find something fun to do that dosen't envolve your ex. E-Mail: email removed (U.S.A.)