plz, help! am i insecure or is she disrespectful?

[lux848]

i've been dating her about 2 months (lets call her V). plz your opinions are greatly appreciated. i have organized a list of events in point form in chronological order so it's easy for you to read. since we started dating:

 

1. she got mad and jealous at me cuz she saw pics on my facebook of a friend (girl) on my motorcycle. the friend was wearing a short black skirt with black pantyhose. the pics were taken long before i starting dating V. we have solved this misunderstanding. she apologized.

 

2. V got mad at me again because she thought i was checking out other girls in front of her. she told me i can do it on my own and it's disrespectful to do it in front of her. BUT i was never checking out other girls. i told her when a girl enters my field of vision it doesnt mean i'm checking them out. we have solved this misunderstanding. she apologized.

 

3. she wanted to dress like a * * * * for halloween. i told her it's disrespectful to me if she dresses like that. she just said i was being insecure. we solved this misunderstanding. she dressed less * * * * ty on halloween but i "think" it's still a bit out there. normally she dresses quite conservative.

 

4. during halloween i saw her hug a guy friend in front of me. not a "buddy quick hug" but two closer 2 second hugs. i felt "weird" but i kept quiet.

 

5. today i saw she got tagged on facebook with her and a guy in a close hold. the pic appeared it was taken at her work. the guy in the pic is fat and not very attractive. but i still feel a bit "weird".

 

please tell me, am i just being insecure?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Yes, sounds like you're being insecure.

 

Unless you both decide to enter solitary confinement, you will both have interactions with the opposite gender. You sound like you're both in a bit of an unhealthy cycle of demands/apologies, but maybe it works for you? I personally couldn't be doing with the unnecessary drama and intensity, but as I said, maybe that's part of your dynamic together?

[lana111]

i think you are both being insecure... but its normal especially early on. you need to decide when something bothers you if its enough to bring up, or just keep to yourself. remember there are somethings better left unsaid.

 

a 2 second hug isnt what i would call out of line and the picture she was tagged in could be from before you guys dated, just like the motorcycle girl was.

 

oh and a lot of girls dress like that for halloween. for some its like and excuse to wear things you wouldnt nomally wear bc you dont want to be judged/labeled as you would on any other sat night. as long as she respects your wishes to not wear something you dont feel comfortable with i think its okay. def depends on if you were going with her dressed the way she was or is she was going alone, just bc i think one would feel more comfortable as long as she was with you that night.

 

and as i always say... its been 2 months... its nothing. if youre having any doubts (even if they are silly or unjustified) there is nothing wrong with cutting ties. im a big believer that realtionships shoudlnt have to be "worked on" in the early stages.

[MusicIsLove]

3. she wanted to dress like a * * * * for halloween. i told her it's disrespectful to me if she dresses like that. she just said i was being insecure. we solved this misunderstanding. she dressed less * * * * ty on halloween but i "think" it's still a bit out there. normally she dresses quite conservative.

 

Sorry, but I don't get why you could have taken her desire to dress that way on Halloween - a holiday devoted to dressing up and looking like something or someone you typically aren't - as a sign of disrespect. Like you said, she normally dresses conservatively. Who cares - it was a costume.

 

4. during halloween i saw her hug a guy friend in front of me. not a "buddy quick hug" but two closer 2 second hugs. i felt "weird" but i kept quiet.

 

It was a hug - it's not as though she rammed her tongue down his throat.

 

5. today i saw she got tagged on facebook with her and a guy in a close hold. the pic appeared it was taken at her work. the guy in the pic is fat and not very attractive. but i still feel a bit "weird".

 

Why does this make you feel weird? Do you perceive him as a threat despite your claim that he is "fat and not very attractive"?

 

I do think you are insecure, and it sounds like she is too... it is so early in your relationship and these things are already an issue... NOT a good sign. If you want to remain her boyfriend I'd say you two need to have a serious talk and learn to trust each other.

[newideas]

I think both of you have insecurity issues. Maybe you guys need to build your relationship a little more. And, I feel only time will do that. When issues come up where you're feeling "weird" Definitely let her know, so you two are able to resolve the situation. But, don't ever do it so it becomes a fight, or an argument. It seems both of you are already doing this.

 

As time goes by, I think you two will become confident in one another and hopefully, the insecurity issues will be resolved.

 

Good luck !

[lux848]

thnx yeah i think im a bit insecure. i dunno why. sometimes during the heat of the moment i just lose my objective thinking. i'm gonna work on it.

 

but how do i know the line between my insecurity and if she becomes disrespectful. i dont want to be quiet about everything she does. then i might just be a wuss.

[Nutz]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess she's fairly attractive. It sounds like she was just taking a couple opportunities for some quick validation from all the attention guys were throwing at her due to the way she was dressed.

 

If you make a big deal over it then it'll become a big deal. Know what I mean?

[desert_rose26]

Maybe you guys aren't the best match for each other...other than that, you'll just have to get used to it. You can't change how someone acts with other people. You'll know if you can tolerate the behaviour within time...if you repeatedly feel bothered by it down the road, you decide if the relationship is worth it.