OK...How about starting again?

[ajaxajax]

Within my time at ENA, I have found it quite difficult to try to find some guidance on how I can deal with some dilemmas, which are I think very difficult to put on ENA - and even more difficult for people to appreciate. If anything, I was given a good bashing in my last post...which was supposed to be an angry "letting out".

 

But, anyway, how about something much simpler?

 

Would any of the following prove that I would be what some people call "a real man" - and why/why not?

1. Moving out of your house

2. Telling people to take some responsibility for themselves by eg helping out, even when you know they won't listen

3. Snapping at anyone who DARES to criticise you, even if that results in a fist fight

4. Act like a tough guy after being told all women want these guys and not "nice guys"...I call myself "nice" but with at least some toughness and none of the "nice guy syndrome", if that gives you a clue on my nature

5. Farting in public (my brother and future brother in law does it and yet call me "gay" for not doing it)

6. Drinking alcohol until past drunk

 

Thanks

[funkymonkey3]

Be yourself but be careful around women. You have to mix your personality with that of an alpha male around the one you love. Look it up. If you don't like to fart in public then don't. Do what comes natural to you!

[denise_14]

For me, what makes a man a real MAN is the fact that he is tough enough to stand by his decisions and face the consequences of his actions, whether good or bad, be it moving out, getting drunk, or farting in public...and at the same time he is gentle and meek enough, that is sensitive to the feelings of other people, and knows how to express affection for his loved-ones... ^__^

[ajaxajax]

I see now...

 

You mean something like: tough yet likeable, smart yet bold, daring yet careful, physically intimate yet passionately intimate (inside and outside of bed he he), being able to beat guys at go karts yet being able to kiss his mother goodnight on the cheek, etc. Something like that, huh?

 

I think that's what I actually consider myself...after all, I think being too much of a nice guy would make me look gutless, while being a strict alpha male would make women privately scream inside to get away from me. Right?

 

Then, I still don't understand...why is it that so many men and women become preobsessed about needing a male to be the alpha male to even succeed with women (not talking about animal biology of course) - and thus having that qualifying him as a true man?

[veneratio]

I wouldn't say any of those things make you a "real man", but rather standing ground in regards to your beliefs no matter what, caring for others around you and putting those who matter first, and confidence. No women that I've come in contact with like a coward or someone who wont speak up. They like confidence, not arrogance. For the most part anyway, I guess some do like arrogance.

 

I hate the whole "you aren't a real man if you still live at home" deal, probably because I still live at home, but I don't mooch off my parents. I'm still in school, trying to save my parents money rather than live in dorms/an apartment and I work.

 

Just be yourself. Forget what other people think. As long as it doesn't harm anyone emotionally/physically.

[Trooper5]

Would any of the following prove that I would be what some people call "a real man" - and why/why not?

1. Moving out of your house Moving out of YOUR house? I am guessing you are alluding to moving out of your parents house. Moving out on your own and being self supportive is a good thing. It will teach you how to manage money and how to be independent.

 

2. Telling people to take some responsibility for themselves by eg helping out, even when you know they won't listen Telling people and asking people are 2 different things that both get different responses. If you are a manager of a place of business you can "tell" people to do their job and be responsible about helping out other employees. Telling your friends to be more responsible and to help out will usually fall on deaf ears because in their mind you are all equals so why should they listen to you? When I tell a soldier in my unit to do something, they better do it, do it right, and do it fast. I can "tell" them to do something because I am their CO. If they don't do it then they know they will have to answer for their lack of following an order. If I am off duty I can't TELL my friends what to do. I can ask them for their help or ask them for their advice. Who am I to "TELL" my friends to do something.

3. Snapping at anyone who DARES to criticise you, even if that results in a fist fight Why would you get into a fistfight with someone who offers critisism? No matter how tough you are, there is always someone out there who is tougher. Getting in a fist fight in these days can be VERY dangerous. You may unknowingly try to fight someone who is trained in Systema or Crav Maga. They may percieve your violence as a threat to their life and react accordingly. The fact that you state "Snap" "DARE" and "fist fight" in the same sentence leads me to believe you have some serious issues with self-esteem and self-control.

 

4. Act like a tough guy after being told all women want these guys and not "nice guys"...I call myself "nice" but with at least some toughness and none of the "nice guy syndrome", if that gives you a clue on my nature Why would you want to act like something youre not to attract woman? Do you think they wouldn't eventually find this out? Most woman want a "nice guy". If they come from an abusive past they may find comfort being with a man that they know can protect themselves and her.

 

5. Farting in public (my brother and future brother in law does it and yet call me "gay" for not doing it)

6. Drinking alcohol until past drunk

 

 

I'll answer both of these at the same time. This entire post is either a post to draw attention or you have some serious self-esteem issues. Again, why would you even care if someone called you names? They want you to fart in public? You want to drink alcohol until you are past drunk? This all just reaks of immaturity. I had a few young soldiers come in with similiar attitudes. They thought joining the Army would make them men. We would try to teach them how to be soldiers, how to be responsible and build self worth. We were especially hard on soldiers like this and pushed them to the limit. We always had one or two that got to the point that they knew they were not going to make it, they knew we were going to flush them out of the Army. Invariably they would make the worse decision of their life and attack one of us. It ended the same way. We would defend ourself with extreme prejudice and then they would end up going with the MP's and after their prison sentence would end up being dishonorbly discharged.

 

Fighting, telling people what to do, farting, and drinking will not make you a man. Being responsible, confident, caring, strong both mentally and physically, and being able to control your emotions is the path that will lead you to becoming a man. I hope this helps you out some. Im sure this isn't the answer you wanted to hear but sometimes a stranger being harsh is the best way to understand a point. Good luck, Troop.

[ajaxajax]

That's quite good advice...and from a member of the US Armed Forces too by the looks of it. Looks like all that military training has done good both on and off the battleground lol. Thanks too for confirming what I thought all this time. I have no problems with who I am, it's that I've problems with people who think that I just don't cut it as a man. My brother even calls me "gay" for not farting in public...just makes me wish I can be his CO lol.

[Trooper5]

The most effective way to handle people who want to name call and belittle you is to completely ignore them. If, over time, they become upset because you have nothing to do with them and they ask why tell them. Tell them they are immature for the name calling and for trying to influence you into doing things that you don't want to. From what I have witnessed, people who bully other have so many self esteem and self worth issues that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make fun of others.

 

The fact that you stood up to them and you held your ground makes you a man. As far as dealing with woman, just be yourself. Woman are so smart. It will take them .01 seconds to figure out if some guy is playing a tough guy. Just be yourself. If you want to improve who you are do it for you, not to impress woman.

 

Woman are attracted to men who are confident in themselves. They are attracted to the type of confidence that comes from years of the man making himself a better person. Your whole goal should be to do things for yourself. Good luck, Troop.