I'm not responsible

[thedude27]

I dont know if this will help anyone but if it does I wanted to share it.

 

I just realized something freeing today. I have my ex to thank for her cold treatment of me for this realization.

 

 

I realized I am not responsible for her anymore.

 

Yep thats it.

 

 

I'm not responsible for her happiness or well being. The nature of our relationship has been based on that unsaid premise for a while now. She was in an abusive M for many years and I was the person she confided in. I was one of her very very few and was her best friend. We told each other everything, from childhood fears to intimate fantasies. I supported her as a friend during her Divorce and after she left him I assumed the role of giving her unconditional love and support. It made a big difference in her life and I feel good about that.

 

I treated her like a child in many ways because I understood why she had all these unhealthy defense mechanisms, things that under normal circumstances I would have dumped the person 100 times over. In her case instead of reacting to them I would understand their root cause and in doing so i would forgive almost immediately. It was a catch 22 in a way, since by not reacting to this type of behavior I didnt discorage it. However if I had, I would have just been another person who "hated her". She is extremely oversensitve to any type of criticism. anyways...

 

After all this I thought we had a very close bond. When we broke, I expected to be treated like the friend I thought I was. I never needed her to change her mind or anything big I just wanted her to at least speak to me and not ignore every attempt to contact her. Really all I wanted was: 1) to know she had a hard time with her decision. 2) I was hoping that we wernt going to lose that friend bond we had. 3) I wanted to be taken out of limbo that her complete silence seemed to prolong. She was someone I really loved and cared about and I wanted to give her every chance...

 

 

Instead of a being treated like a friend, I felt completely betrayed by someone who said they were not only in love but that we were best friends. I have made plenty of excuses for her and she does have a problem but honestly she knows it wasnt right.

 

 

Anyways after talking with her the last time and seeing that she is really only out for herself with no concern for me I finally feel like I have been freed. Freed to not care. I see real misery in her future but its not my problem anymore. I gave her chances to come back. I was always willing to talk. I did everything a good friend could do...

 

 

Now all that matters is what I feel like. I dont care what she likes, at all. If I feel like talking to her (which I dont at the moment, not because I hate her but because in the last 2.5 months I havent gotten anything good from it. Its not enjoyable so why do it?) then I will. If she wants to be lucky enough to have my time, she better do something I like with it. I could never be selfish like this in a relationship her, but guess what...I'm NOT in one with her

 

 

I still feel some of that jealosy and pain because I still remember the good times we had and I miss those, but I dont have to worry about her and that feels a lot better.

 

Maybe this is the start of what letting go means

[denise_14]

hands down to you for the unconditional love, support, and understanding you gave her..

 

cheers! for your realization...best of luck!