I'm a 30 year old virgin.

[lily2]

This is my deep , dark secret: i have never had sexual relations with a man. That is i have never had sexual intercourse, never given head, never received head, nothing. How did this happen. well, I really don't know. I f i had to take a guess I would say it stems from childhood. See, I never had a relationship with my father. he never encouraged me, never showed affection, never told me I was pretty or special. I grew up never trusting men. I also grew up with a weight problem that left me overweight for a number of years. I remember being called "ugly" frequently by friends and even famlily members that told me they loved me. The most devastating part for me was having stretch marks and sagging breast at such a young age. I recall my sister making the comment while she watched me changing, " your breast look like an old woman's breast"! I can't begin to explain to you the damge this has done to my self-esteem. i am absolutely terrified to let a man see me naked! I fear he will take one look at my body and run screaming in the other direction. This has ruined my ability to be intimate with any man who takes an interest in me and I'm in so much pain. So much pain. Iwant to be loved, and cherished and experience the beauty of physical love, but I can't allow myself to be that open. I'm an attractive woman, who gets alot of attention from men and i want a relationship. I have exercised in the past and still do to this day, but the residuals from the past are still too evident.

 

Please help me. What can I do to overcome this? I am so ashamed and embarrassed for my lack of experience. I feel alone and isolated, I've lied to so many people...I just don't know...I just don't know.

[Kadillac]

It sounds like you've had a rough childhood. But look at you now. You excercise you get attention from men. There are men out there who will find your inner beauty. Have you ever gone to counselling about your childhood? It might help you gain the confience that you need.

[kuhl282000]

Hey girl

 

I understand your problem with your father. You will need to see a professional and talk this out. If not it will haunt you for the rest of your life. The good news is you can and will work through this, when your ready.

You can get professional help on-line if you choose that route. You also have a self esteem issue, many of us do. So do not feel alone. I would suggest getting some books and start reading up on that topic. You can also shed the weight when your ready. Many people have the same problems as you, do not let it get you down. Try not to take things so personal, I know I have done that myself. And if I let it bother me, it does. I have to work through it everyday. Things will get better, 30 is still very young. And when your ready to have sex you will. You have a bright future ahead, stay in the game. You have alot to offer the world you just have not found yourself just yet. You will. Have Faith.

 

Warm Regards

Kuhl 8)

[msgsmsgs]

Let me share a little personal experience with you.

I was a virgin until just before my 28 birthday, I paid for sex with a massage parlor girl when I was traveling oversea.

 

The experience wasn't much, I didn't feel anyhting different.

I had sex before I ever went on a date!

Finally I found a girl I liked and she looked pure and innorcent. After we start going out, I found out she had at least 3 prior boyfriends, I was a little shocked, (She was very honest about her past) since she came from a very strict and traditional family, I was hoping she could still be a virgin!

 

Just before we start getting intimate, and she told me she had STD/HPV (an uncurable STD that stay with you the entire life), shd only had sex 4 times total with 2 guys, and she got it from the last guy! That devastated her for 2 years, she was hiding behind school and work for the longest time until I bulldoze into her life.

 

This devastated me! The girl I thought was innorcent had STD! The worst is she got every single quality I wanted for a wife. (I'm 30 and she's 26).

She told me this secret (which she told no one else before) a few days ago, I'm still absorbing it as we speak. Right after she told me, she offered to break up with me (she gave me cryptic hints that I will run away screaming when she told me a big secret starting on our 1st date), but I pleaded her to give our relationship a try. Even though it's REALLY hard to accept, but I think our relationship is gonna work.

 

My only advise is STAY A VIRGIN! There're STD / HIV / HPV out there that is pretty scary! (I was lucky I didn't get any from the parlor girl, or so I thought)

Look up how easy HPV was transmitted, how contagious it is and how many people are affected before you decided to have any kind of sex!

 

Devestated Guy

[amilasiu]

I believe even if you are free otherwise, your mind just fixates on the fear or what not and that you are unable to express yourself in a conventional sexual way becomes such a burden....

 

BTW, your sister deserved a smack for such comment.

[amilasiu]

LEt me ask you now. YOu are angry that a 26 year old girl had only three partners and one of them was a bastard enough to give her an STD. She was HONEST with you about her condition which there is nothing wrong with. These things happen - IT IS NOT MIDDLE AGES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

 

Virginity is not expression of virtue. You paid for a technically, pardon me, a prostitute. That is the most dangerous sexual intercourse out there. I would go, no, RUN, to check myself out for something much more serious than herpes.

 

[-(

[msgsmsgs]

Yes, I admit I paid for sex. I was young and stupid, what can I say? There's no excuse.

I told her the truth before she told me her secret. I was originally afraid she would be the one freaking out and starting running away screaming (even though it happened a long time before I met her)

Yes, I did a checkup immediately when I came back from oversea. Luckily I was clean. (Who knows? There's no HPV test for men)

 

I'm honored she was honest and trusted me with the secret.

For that, I'll be eternally grateful. And I didn't blame her at all for what happened.

I'm pissed at the bastard who gave it to her and hurt her so deeply(even though they used protection, unfortunately condoms are pretty much unless again HPV)

 

HPV have no cure, it reamains with you for life.

I asked her what if I wasn't in the picture, she told me she would remain single for life (for fear of infecting anyone else), give up on any relationship with any man.

The worst is she's forever emotionally scarred. She keep on referring herself as "Damaged Goods", "I don't deserve a great guy like you". THAT broke my heart.

 

I didn't stay with her out of pity, because we're compatible before the secret and I truly cared for her, and she is exactly what I had in mind for a life long partner. The STD is just a bump in the road that I had to overcome. I realize I won't be getting any for quite a while.

But I had gone 27 years w/o it, a few more years won't kill me.

[sweetapples]

lily2,

 

You have courage writing about your feelings and that's a good thing. Everyone has self doubts and insecurities. I am a really shy person and I am taking small steps in trying to overcome my shyness.

[lily2]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and compassion. I am so glad I found this website...