greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I always thought that I wanted to spend the rest of life with my current SO. But for the last month or so, sometimes I'm just not sure. There are times when I wish so much to be single! Yesterday, I found myself regretting being in a relationship. It means sex with the same person for the rest of my life! And I'm not even getting any right now! ughhhh I know sex sounds like a silly reason, but that is actually the reason I was regretting being in a relationship yesterday. My question is, How did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone? Was it an easy decision? Is it something you just feel? Or is it a choice? It is something you have to actively choose to do? Because when I think about it, I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I wouldn't be in an LDR otherwise. But sometimes I don't always feel it. And I also wonder, Do I just feel this way because it's an LDR? Or is this normal for couples that live near each other as well? Or am I so weird that feeling like this is rare no matter what type of relationship? EDIT: If my SO and I lived close to each other, I probably wouldn't be thinking about this stuff. I'd just go with the flow and see where our relationship takes us. But in an LDR, I feel that I really have to know. Otherwise, what's the point right? Link to comment
mgirl Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I wonder if you'll get less responses because your SO is a her and not him?! Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 I wonder if you'll get less responses because your SO is a her and not him?! hmmm... I could be wrong, but I don't think I've ever had a problem with that. I suppose i could go back and look at my old threads where I let people assume i was a guy and see if I got more replies back then. hahah Link to comment
mgirl Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 haha, it's the cynic in me I guess i can answer the part about having a feeling you wanted to spend your life with someone. When i was younger, i met someone i was 100% sure i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Previous to that, it had always been a loose concept for me. So, yes, i think you do get a feeling when it's the right person, but i think your LDR is skewing things for you, so i would not make a decision until you have managed to rekindle your relationship and you can be more sure. Psychological research supports the theory that proximity increases feelings of closeness. Come on people with SOs... reply, reply! Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I got tired of the dating scene, and was ready to settle down. I felt he was the one for me, and I didn't desire anyone else. I could find other men attractive, but not in that 'hot' way. lol Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 See, I feel the same way with my boyfriend. There are times when I feel that its hard, or maybe it wont work out, or he'll find someone else but those are insecurities and Im also in a semi LDR. But deep down inside I KNOW I want to be with him and everything will work out. I can't describe what I feel. It's the most passionate, undying love. But can you really judge love by an age? It bothers me when people are like, "Oh your 19 you think that way wit EVERYONE your with. Wait til your older" And that really bothers me! I may 19, but I've dated many guys before and not ONCE had I ever remotely felt that feeling. I know plenty of friends that are just a few years older then I am, had been dating their SOS when they were younger then me and are now married. My boyfriend's parents and grandparents were high school sweet hearts since senior year, and my neighbors met when they were 14, were their 1st for EVERYTHING and are now happily married. So can one judge on feelings and love at an age? Shouldn't it just be if you know you know? Because I can say this isn't something I've ever felt before, and I do fall fast, I just know the diference between being really infactuated and loving the person, vs. actually only wanting to be with them for the rest of your life. And that is how I feel. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 And although I can say that other men are attractive, I no longer see any of them in that "hot" way either. I see men the same way I would see an attractive female or a nice shirt. "Oh that looks nice. Meh" And that's the end of it you know? Where as before I'd be like, "Ooo hot guy! Must hang out with them!" lol. I never feel that urge anymore. I feel totaly changed. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 I think that in an LDR sometimes you just have to really really remember the reason why you're going through all this crap. And sometimes it's not so easy to remember when they're not nearby. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 A LDR would be hard. I did it for a year, and it felt so empty some times. At one point, I told him I just didn't know how much longer I could do it...and he moved here with me. If I'm in a relationship, I need that closeness. How often do you two get to see each other. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 A LDR would be hard. I did it for a year, and it felt so empty some times. At one point, I told him I just didn't know how much longer I could do it...and he moved here with me. If I'm in a relationship, I need that closeness. How often do you two get to see each other. 2-3 times a year. ughhhh Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 One weekend a month. And then on holidays (Thanksgiving we get a week off, X-mas we get a month off, Spring Break we get 2 weeks off, and Summer we get 3.5 months off so every day and night of that time) and then in less then 2 yrs I will be transfering to his school and moving in with him. Hes waiting for me to get an apartment. We are freshman in college now, and I will transfer when I get my AA. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Oh wow. I bet you do feel cheated then. I mean, what kind of relationship can that truly be. Is there a plan of one of you moving to be with each other? How long have you been doing this? Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 Oh wow. I bet you do feel cheated then. I mean, what kind of relationship can that truly be. Is there a plan of one of you moving to be with each other? How long have you been doing this? Our 2 year anniversary is next week. The first 3 months or so we were actually together and then the rest is long distance. We do plan to eventually be together, but we are both still in college. Second, she's from another country so there are immigration issues as well. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Our 2 year anniversary is next week. The first 3 months or so we were actually together and then the rest is long distance. We do plan to eventually be together, but we are both still in college. Second, she's from another country so there are immigration issues as well. I have to admire your strength and commitment here. Do you see this relationship as being one that you want to be in forever? How much longer will you guys be apart? Link to comment
mgirl Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Yeah, i admire your commitment too! And i agree with Rose21s assessment. Age is not a factor Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Oh wow! 2-3 times a year?? Where do you live? And I thought MINE was bad! One weekend a month isn't that bad, expec since we have month long X-mas break and a 3.5 month summer break and during those times, along with the other 1-2 week holidays, we are only 10 minutes from eachother and thereforee can see eachother every day and night, stay over etc. So I couldn't imagine doing what your doing! But alot of my friends have it worse. One of my friends went 52 weeks and only saw her husband twice. Another one of my friends has to go 15 months without seeing her boyfriend at all! These are all military people. A friend has to go 15 weeks without seeing hers, 8 weeks without even TALKING. And another one who is just in different states, is sometimes going 4 months without hers, and another who is going to different colleges then her boyfriend (Georgia and Texas) sees her boyfriend once every 2 months. So it seems like 90% of my friends are in relationships, and 50% of those people are in long distance ones! Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 And thanks for agreeing with me on the age thing! Most people that told me this were just bitter older people, had gone through a numerous amount of divorces etc. And just plainly thought they knew it all! I believe age entitles you to knowing more, but not EVERYTHING. And when you use it to put yourself above another, thats just wrong. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 I have to admire your strength and commitment here. Do you see this relationship as being one that you want to be in forever? How much longer will you guys be apart? I used to, but sometimes I'm not so sure anymore. When we're actually together I love it. But when we're apart sometimes it just gets harder and harder to remember the reason why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Hopefully she'll graduate in 2 years and then she can try to come here. If she can't come here, we've talked about moving to another country together. I don't mind as long as I can get a good job, but where she lives right now I can't. Link to comment
punk_bf Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 You might want to re-think if it is worth it. You only see her 2-3 times per YEAR? And you are in college? College is a time for fun and meeting new people - not to settle down and be celibate. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 I'm from California, she's from Central America. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 You might want to re-think if it is worth it. You only see her 2-3 times per YEAR? And you are in college? College is a time for fun and meeting new people - not to settle down and be celibate. I know. That's what I told myself yesterday when I was regretting my relationship. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Why only 2-3 times a year? Why not atleast once every 2 months? If you truly love the person it's possible. You have to take in to account and truly think about if the time together is really worth all the distance etc. And I guess it really is ALOT easier to keep that in mind when the most you ever have to go without seeing that person is 5 weeks, most of the time it's just 2.5 weeks (my case) so I can't even imagine the longest you've gone without it! I'm bad at math, and it would take me forever to figure that out right now lol. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Where in central america? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I know what it's like to be in an LDR. It is a lot harder to imagine being with your partner. I really do love my bf. We talk about "when we're married" and "ten years from now when we're in consouling" and 'our kids are gonna say ----about us'. However, LDR's just make everything so difficult. I feel ya. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 And thanks for agreeing with me on the age thing! Most people that told me this were just bitter older people, had gone through a numerous amount of divorces etc. And just plainly thought they knew it all! I believe age entitles you to knowing more, but not EVERYTHING. And when you use it to put yourself above another, thats just wrong. pfftthaha...age is just a number. You start out illiterate, ppl changing your diaper, playing in the play ground, dating, married, going senile and illiterate again, and back to having your diaper changed. It's all a vicious circle we call life. lol Link to comment
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