I am so frustrated with my weight, I even broke down

[farfalla]

Just three years ago I weighed a happy and healthy 105lbs. I always loved getting dolled up, going out, socializing, and was so confident.

 

Then I went through some very hard changes in my life. I had to move to another country, then I had to move back, school, work, the whole spiel.

 

I went from 105lbs at 5'1'' to 147lbs currently.

 

In 3 years I managed to gain 42lbs and I have never ever felt this horrible about myself. My self esteem has plummeted beyond belief. I live in fear of running into people I used to know since I moved back because of my weight gain. I am embarrassed to have anyone see me that hasn't seen me in the past years - even extended family at random gatherings etc.. I no longer want to go out, or dress up . My clothes don't fit me and I refuse to buy big clothes. I got so paranoid at the gym I was going b/c I saw some people I used to know that I stopped going. I began running instead but saw little change during the entire month and I have fallen in a huge depression.

 

Today I barely ate. I feel disgusted by food now and my boyfriend is worried I will become crazy about food intake again (I was anorexic when we met at 16 and I barely weighed 80lbs)

 

He is so supportive, amazing, kind and loving. I'm still beautiful and I'm still perfect. But this has affected me so much, I barely want to be intimate because I am so ashamed of my body. Nothing he says makes me feel better. Even though he insists I am perfect for him everyday, I keep thinking I wouldn't blame him for leaving me or finding me repulsive b/c of my weight. I feel bad b/c when he compliments me all I want to do is cry.

 

I look at the pictures of just 2-3 years ago and I had such a great figure and I remember feeling so confident ...we had such an amazing sex life too even when I was around 120lbs...It wasn't a big deal...but now I can;t even look at myself in the mirror.

 

Every time I really look at myself I feel like I keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger...uglier, uglier and uglier.

 

I don't know what to do, I can't believe I let myself get like this. I need to loose at least 40lbs.

 

I am going on a trip in a exactly 40 days and I'd kill to be able to wear a tank top like I always had...cute jeans, mini skirts, etc. (I live in a very warm climate and always wear a sweater b/c I can't bare to show my body)

I don't expect to loose more than 12-15lbs in one month, but I am so frustrated.

 

I'd appreciate all the suggestions/tips you have. I'm a stone away from purging my dinner. I have never ever hated the way I looked until now and it's tearing me up inside. I am just so repulsed that I had the balls to eat dinner, even if it was just home made tomato soup...I feel sick to my stomach.

[annie24]

i am a huge fan of weight watchers, i lost 30 lbs with them. go to link removed and find a meeting in your area.

[Bkoguy07]

Whats your diet look like? You need to workout and run even if you are ashamed, people dont think any of it especially since your in a gym. 90% of america doesnt do anything about it so kudo's for changing.

[redhearts]

It is not only about working out, but the food you eat. Not eating is actually worse.

[purpleduckie]

heh, i gained 30 lbs in less than a year. i went to the doctors today for a physical and the secretary commented on it. she was so surprised, she REchecked her paper and said "wow, that is a LOT for such a short time. tsk tsk"

 

 

...

my mom comments on it every single chance she can. i get a new shirt and show her... her first comment is... "omg your tummy is SO round..." lol. im about 140. to be honest though, i like me at this weight.

 

 

diet is the KEY to weight gain/loss. eat properly and you'll see the difference. educating yourself is important because you need to know what to eat/what not to. advertisement is really misleading and it tells people all sort of lies just to sell.

[Seraphim]

I think people need to stop thinking of food as something to control. Food disorders are really about control NOT about the food. They are also about self esteem. I know it is hard but please do not see your self worth by how little you weigh. I know it is REALLY hard. Society has distorted the sense of the body so badly this is what happens. Think of food as a necessity to live.

[redhearts]

I say go to a dietitian. So they can give you a meal plan. Then combine that with exercise.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think people need to stop thinking of food as something to control. Food disorders are really about control NOT about the food. They are also about self esteem. I know it is hard but please do not see your self worth by how little you weigh. I know it is REALLY hard. Society has distorted the sense of the body so badly this is what happens. Think of food as a necessity to live.

 

I totally agree. Lots of women with eating disorders will also try to control the people close to them and all kinds of situations as well.

[redhearts]

When I was anorexic I would not only limit my food, but I would check the ingredients & the nutrition facts. I would also walk for 2 hours after eating, even if it was only 1 cracker. But your body is suppose to naturally burn a certain amount a day.

 

But this woman needs to eat healthy and limit her calories, but also needs to know about the nutrition information on the food she eats. Like too much sodium, gives you water weight. If corn syrup is one of the first ingredients, it is definitely not a good food. It is mainly used for preserving so if it is the last ingredient it should be okay. The amount of fat in foods, saturated, NO trans fat, the amount of carbs, the amount of sugar as well. Stay away from pizza, one slice has beyond your belief in sodium.

[farfalla]

Thanks so much for all the answers. It means a lot.

 

It's easy to feel the need to control something like food given we can't control much else in our lives for the most part.

 

I guess I tried to comfort myself with food while going through those drastic changes in life and now that things are more stable again I've really realized what I did to myself in the meantime. I've hit rock bottom with my weight and now I'm trying to control what I put in my mouth again.

 

I love cycling, running, working out in general. I walk my dog as much as I can, but I noticed I was over eating a tremendous amt.

 

I recently substituted chips and cookies with home made soups, home made salads, egg whites, proteins, cereals and soy patties. I got vitamins - but I've gained so much weight I can't help but feel somewhat defeated. I hate that I'm in my early 20s and let myself get so freaking huge when I was at a great weight not so long ago.

 

I guess today is a really bad day. Today I failed myself emotionally.

[Seraphim]

I emotionally eat too. I completely understand. Never think you failed. People have bad times it is a fact we just need to accept that. Just go on from here, today is the day you turn the leaf over again and take control of your life. Know what I mean?

[duchesstigerlily]

Can you afford to buy an elliptical machine or treadmill to use at home so you dont have to worry about running into anyone? I weight about 140lb and I'm about 5'2 and I do not wear "big clothes" and I dont look "fat"...a little curvy in the hips, perhaps, but not overweight. I eat healthy and walk daily.

 

You definitely need to exercise and cut back on fat/calories. Someone suggested Weight Watchers and I second that suggestion as one of my close friends lost a huge amount of weight using their program. One of the worst things you can do is fold like a stack of cards and let this take over your life. You CAN do something about it and just the fact that you *want* to change is a good sign that you will accomplish your goal. Not eating is a big no-no and you arent likely to lose a sufficient amount of weight that way and you will gain it back very easily if you do.

 

Dont push your boyfriend away. I can understand that you may not feel good about yourself but we often look bigger and worse to ourselves then we do to other people. Its wonderful that he loves you unconditionallyand is supportive...thats what a partner should be. Remember that you arent alone in this....you ARE beautiful and weight does not define who you are as a human being.

[farfalla]

thanks again for all the support.

 

so glad I came accross this place.

 

I could finance an elliptical- but right now we have a 1 bedroom apartment with my dog, cat, boyfriend and I all together. We also live on the third floor so I'm sure it could take up space.

 

We have a very small gym in our building. It's a matter of finding a time when it's not being occupied - they have an elliptical in there.

 

There's days when I feel defeated and others when I have more hope. Lately I guess I've been in a rut.

 

I know what you mean duchess, but mind you I've not really changed my wardrobe, so I'm like "wow this fit me 6 months ago, and now I cant put one leg in it" and it makes you feel awful. We may also have different body types. I gain everything pretty much the same everywhere, mostly targeting my arms, back and tummy. So I look pretty stocky and feel pretty self conscious. If I gained it all on my hips but had a normal waist line or thinner arms I probably wouldn't feel so bad.

I ate very healthy today and feel better about myself. I will take the dog for a long walk later.

 

Thanks again for all the help.

[annie24]

you don't have to buy equiptment to lose weight. like i said before, even an exercise DVD can help, or take walks around the block. i don't see a need to buy any fancy stuff to fit into your 1 bedroom home. do chores on foot, instead of getting in the car, like if you only need to get some milk and a loaf of bread, go walk to the store instead of getting in your car.

[solariseclipse]

DO NOT AVOID EATING.

 

You're metabolism will slow down and when you do start eating again, you'll gain fat at a ever faster rate.

 

Heres my method to losing weight: (I know that people say this ALL the time, but it works for me, and I wanted to share with you)

 

1) Avoid FATTY FOODS or FRIED FOODS such as french fries, onion rings, fried chicken, etc etc. This should reduce your fat (lipids) intake

 

2) Eat lots of salads and vegatables. Fruits and vegatables contain sugars (which are easier to burn off than fats.) as well as many minerals, vitamins that your body needs (link removed) Remember that SALADS HELP!

 

3) Lessen meat intake. Although meats are a good source of protein, alot of fat is hidden in the proteins. So eat meats only one meal a day (you still need meat in your diet) and try to get rid of all the fat possible from it (George Foreman works nicely!)

 

4) Exercise. To lose weight, you need cardio, not strength training. I'm sure you know this already, but I'll say it again - Running, Jogging, Biking, Sex (its still exercise =D), long walks, dancing (Turbo Jam or Hip Hop Abs?) are all ways to do cardio

 

And Just a little science for you.

 

Proteins yield 4000 calories per gram consumed

Carbohydrates yield 4000 calories per gram consumed

Fats yield 9000 calories per gram consumed

 

Fats thereforee yield 2.25 times more calories pergram you consume.

 

Keep that in mind next time you're feeling you want to eat fat-saturated foods