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NC Commences.. The right thing to do?


MemoriesDust
6 Simple Tips When Wrongly Accused ...
6 Simple Tips When Wrongly Accused in a Relationship

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My ex and I have been separated for 2 months now.

 

They initiated it, got rather bitter when I did my best to move on, tried to suggest to mutual friends that there was a truth about me that would come out, and your actions follow you full circle.

 

I kept my respectful distance, and it hurt badly, because essentially I had never wronged her, only tried to love her, and we all know that sometimes love isn't enough.

 

Anyway, as is her style, it took 2 weeks before she wanted me back (this has happened 4/5 times before, me getting dumped and her changing her mind). I told her this time I couldn't go round in the same circle, that when she has me she treats me badly, and when we're not together she chases me. I couldn't settle for such a self-destructive relationship.

 

She understood, but has told me I'm the only person she wants to be with, that she has hope for us in the future, and we've been in contact more or less every day... I went to see her last weekend because she was so depressed... We managed to refrain from physical contact, and I felt very strange, like a ghost. There is obviously a huge amount between us.

 

Anyway, I made a comment on my blog about it being so nice to have some lovely words written about me (someone told me I was very special, and since my ex did a really good job of cutting me off from our mutual friends, it felt nice to be making new ones).

 

Sh picked up on this and got all down and told me I was backing off, and she didn't know if there was someone new in my heart. I very bluntly told her how she made things very difficult for me with her character assassination, and now I'm getting back on my feet, so no, there wasn't someone new.

 

She then exploded about she can't deal with me holding things against her, she was stupid to let me see her vulnerability, and she didn't deserve any of it, that she had never attacked my character (although she already admitted it)... So I said I would leave her be, it wasn't my intention to upset her...

 

That was a day ago... I feel like she's about the start up the "hating me" side of her again, and I'm thinking this might be a good time to start NC for good, to get on with my own healing. She hurt me badly with her lies, and now she's twisting it so I'm accusing her of something. What do you guys reckon? The relationship was a train wreck, she treated me really badly, but we have some kind of amazing connection... Is it time for me to let go and move on completely?

 

M&D

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Get as much space away from her as possible, you being in the state that you're currently in, of course you're likely to want to try and make things work...

 

Give yourself the time and space to decide if you want her back into your life. Whether she's changed or not, decide then, not now. Now is the time to go NC... you've been through too much already, time for a break, no?

 

It's not going to be easy given the past record of her coming back into your life.. so you have to be firm on the NC rule on your part!

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She just posted a blog basically attacking me, and suggesting that she never had never said such things about me... And well, where this is, every one of our friends can see it. I cannot believe she just couldn't speak me.

 

I'm texted her and asked her never to contact me again. What a fool I am... I go down and take care of her all weekend... And then I get accused of having someone else. I try and explain why it's important for me to make friends, and how badly her comments affected me in the beginning, and instead of talking to me, she waits 24 hours and throws me back to lions. Why the hell does everyone have to know before me?

 

I give up. I'm so very upset. It's time to get away from this girl, away from it all. I hope she leaves me alone. I can keep posting here can't I? Every time I feel low?

 

Sorry, I feel so betrayed and hurt right now...

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Hey, no need to apologize or anything... I'm sorry you're hurting so much...

 

We're all here for each other, and your posts would indeed be welcomed here. There are a lot of very caring folks in these forums, and each have their own valuable advice to give as well. So by all means, post away when you're feeling low.

 

If it helps, could you perhaps go somewhere for the weekends with friends? Organize some trip or such and get her out of your head. Even if it's just for now, because you're hurting a fair bit. Something adventurous and fun... you know? Mountain biking, white water rafting, fishing, bungee jumping, camping to get close to nature, and things like that.

 

Hugs and all for you, mate!

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Thank you for your kind words...

 

We spoke on Friday and somehow I ended up feeling like I was in the wrong... But something isn't right, I'm too confused, I can't get any clarity. I sent her an e-mail this morning what said this:

 

 

 

It's caused an enormous backlash.. She's accusing me of all kinds... I keep saying I need some space, even if it's a couple of months to be able to see this with clarity, but she doesn't hear me... she's telling me I never wanted her, that she's a fool... But she broke up with me and I just refused to go round in the same circle... I love her contact, I love being around her, I wish in my heart of hearts that all our dreams would come true, but I've been burnt and hurt, and whilst ever we're in contact I'm not healing or moving anywhere..

 

How to I deal with her anger? I'm not here to hurt her further, this is about me needing the time....

 

 

 

M&D

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