Why won't he take away my virginity?

[summerdreams]

I'm really confused. It's been 5 months that i've been with my boyfriend. I'm 17 and he's 20. He's very experienced in sexual activity and i'm still a virgin. He's had very bad experiences in the past with breaking girls hearts...because he said when the time would come that it wasn't working out with them and he would break it off they would always end up freaking out, his last girlfriend tried to commit suicide when they broke up. Anyways, the thing is, i really want to start having sec with him, and we talked about it and it's weird like he'll say he wants to...but then when it gets really close to it, he doesn't want and he says it's because he doesn't want to take away my virginity because i'll get too attached and that if something happens in the future and we end up not being together that he doesn't want to hurt me. I told him that i'm not like those other girls, and that i don't want to not have sex with him just because we might end up breaking up one day.....i don't get it....can anyone tell me what to say to him so that he's not such a baby and so that we can just start having sex. I like him sooooo much, and i know he wants it because it's been REALLY close. But he keep telling me he thinks he's doing something wrong.

[avman]

Well I think your boyfriend should be commended for the respect he is giving you. Cut him a little slack, he's had some bad experiences and is a little gun shy when it comes to getting physical.

 

Just keep encouraging him with your actions and continue the other physical stuff. When he's ready I'm sure there will be no stopping him Make sure the relationship is more about the two of you, then about the sex.

 

avman

[bleeder]

I do agree with Avman.

 

Your boyfriend does deserve a level of respect for his abstinence from sex. There could be a few reasons to it. One, he respects you enough to understand that sex can wait when two people are serious with one another.

 

Two, he could be thinking in the event of a breakup, he does not want you to use sex as a weapon against him. Neither does he want to make you lose your virginity so early in life.

 

Conclusion, be a little more patient, give him some time. Understand that sex is a beautiful thing when done with love and with both parties doing it solely as an expression of their innermost love.

[summerdreams]

i agree with all of you, thank you for the advice. Maybe I'm just too uptight and scared that because he won't do it with me that he'll go out and do it somewhere else. I know it's horrible to think that, i'm very insecure when it comes to things like that...but it's just the small things he says sometimes...like he tells me how one of his "girl" friend is really hot...and i'm not jealous but i know he says those things to get me mad and i don't understand why. Also earlier on in the relationship he wanted to have sex, like really wanted it but i said no because i was only 16 at the time and i didn't feel ready, but now that i do, he doesn't want to anymore...??????????

[summerdreams]

just one other thing to add to the post above... he said that if i wasn't a virgin then he'd have sex with me, but because i am...he doesn't want to carry the burden of taking away my virginity...i don't see how it's a burden and i don't just want to lose it to anyone...i want it to be him because i care for him a lot!!

[MISSINGYOU2004]

The reason your boyfriend has not slept with you yet, is cause you are 17 he is 20, he is waiting until you come legal, dont you see that, i did the same with my girlfriend, we do not want to suffer consequences, your not legal girl.

[Chesnick]

I think bleeder had it right. You say he's had bad experiences with girls before because they freaked out when he ended the relationship. He probably told you this because he doesn't want it to happen again.

 

The way I see it, this guy doesn't want to be with you forever. He dates a lot of girls, and he's not ready to settle down. He knows that if he takes your virginity and then later wants to break up, there is a good chance that you will use the old "You took my virginity! My innocence! You made love to me!! How could you do this to me?? Freak out freak out freak out..." You know what I mean? It is common for a girl to feel that the man who takes her virginity is the man who will be with her forever. But this is rarely true.

 

You must ask yourself this: If there is a good chance he will break up with you later on, do you still want to have sex with him? And if you do have sex, will you freak out when wants to end the relationship?

[disEnchantid]

hi summerdreams,

I know you are anxious to have sex, we've all been there. but my honest impression is that this is probably not the guy who's going to really want to make it special for you. It bothers me that he would do anything with the intent to make you mad...it sounds like he is not the maturest of individuals. I do, however, have a lot of respect him for being honest with you, and not just sleeping with you. PLENTY of guys would just go ahead with it and then feel no qualms about dropping you at their discretion. He needs to do what he is comfortable with, not just what is comfortable for you. He is clearly not comfortable with the idea of being your first and then bearing the burden of guilt when he wants to move on. You are both young and don't need to be locked into a serious, intense relationship, he seems to feel that in sleeping with you he would feel obligated to become involved with you at a deeper level than he wants for himself right now. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he is treating you with a lot of respect, and you should respect his feelings in turn. like I said, there are a lot of guys out there who would not treat you so respectfully, and there shouldn't be such a rush on your part to become sexually active. I would recommend that you sit back, just relax and enjoy yourself with this guy, and wait until the time and the guy is right to have sex. you will be very glad you did.

 

-dE

[summerdreams]

thank you for all of your posts. I understand now where he's coming from. I guess i was just looking forward to making love with him because i feel like it would make us closer and people describe it as such a beautiful thing. But, it's not what is most important in a relationship...i am going to tell him that i thought about it and i understand him and that it isn't that important to me and if it makes him feel uncomfortable and if he really thinks i'm not ready for it (which he told me he thinks i'm not) then i'll trust him, and wait till he thinks our relationship is strong enough where we can actually have sex. Then i'll just see where our relationship goes...so thank you everybody! You really helped me a lot.

[routerx]

I can only tell you something based on my experience in life and what I've heard from others.

 

You said that you liked him. Unless you love him, don't have sex with him.

 

Please cut and paste and save this comment and read it 1 year from now if you have sex. I think you'll agree with it.

 

I have never met anyone who lost their viriginity to someone they did not LOVE who thought it was a great experience.

 

Good luck to you. I think your boyfriend is smarter than you think.

[Tinkerbell]

Hey sweety, don't worry about it! I'm sure it'll all work out in the end...Try to trust the guy a little bit more, after all, you have no hard proof that's he's "getting some" from somebody else. Give him a little time to think things over, YOU know that you're not like those others girls, but he doesn't. I'm sure all of them did not appear to be suicidal from the very encounter. To sum it all up, be patient, when he's ready I'm SURE he'll let you know.

*kisses*