spainman_88 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 This is frustrating me with this girl I went on a good first date with last week.... So I called her a couple days later, she responded (by text) saying Can I call you tomorrow? I like your idea to go for a hike this weekend. Next day, no call from her. So I text her and she responds "This weekend isnt good for me but I definitly want to hang out soon/next week." Today I call her again about setting up something, and she doesn't respond to me at all. If she doesn't want to hang out with me again, then why repsond with "Can I call you tomorrow?" and then with "But I definitly want to hang out soon." I take these as very direct signs that she is interested. But now...nothing. I'm tired of people saying one thing and then acting differently. BTW The first date did end with us making out a bit, taking a nice nighttime walk...she seemed very into it then, and kept responding at first as if she was. Why do people do this? Link to comment
J Sly Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 As confusing it may be on her part, your being a little too clingy. She doesn't call she doesn't call. Link to comment
spainman_88 Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 I don't think me contacting her after she says "I definitly want to hang out soon think most people would take that as an invitation. Any my main question is WHY if she isnt interested would she send messages demonstrating such interest? Link to comment
isilv3r Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Dude...these are clear hints that she's blowing you off. Stop messaging her and get on to the next one. If she hasn't called you or texted you back, that should be your first clue. Sorry buddy. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 You called her once leave it at that.. if she doesnt return your call forget her... dont get to stuck on one date.. people change their mind... always keep your options open.. date other people... call her once ball is in her court.. if you keep calling her and making a big deal out of it... you do come of as needy and clingy.... Link to comment
spainman_88 Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 Right. I don't keep calling her...only responding after she said "I definitly want to hang out soon." And it was just once. I'm not contacting her again. Im just wondering why...its not like I keep hassling her. I'm asking on here to get ideas of WHY a girl might act that way, not because I keep contacting her. I'll leave it at that and not contact her again unless I hear from her. I just think its bizarre and SHE initiated the contact to say she really wanted to hang out. Sidenote...when people say "keep options open, date other people" I wonder how for a lot of you guys its that easy. I don't find I can easily meet other people to date. Its reare to meet someone so when I do I dont like when it gets screwed up. And I felt like I connected more with this girl than anyone I had met in a long time... Link to comment
volpe Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 sometimes we change our minds. she may have had a good time but thought about it and had a different feeling. us ladies follow our guts and if something doesn't feel right we let it go. sometimes also, if you back off we get intrigued and will contact you. sometimes we need that space to feel the intrigue. but sometimes, it just doesn't feel right to us, and we can't tell someone that it doesn't feel right. it's too direct and would be perceived as rude and presumptuous to start saying all that stuff. Link to comment
isilv3r Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Well said Volpe. I find a lot of women are attracted to someone who isn't always easily attainable. She now knows that you vulnerable to her and perhaps is no longer interested, because the chase isn't there. Women can be extremely confusing at times but if she likes you, she will contact you. If not..just get yourself out there. Don't necessary look for it because it'll happen again when you're not expecting it. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 I've been told this advice and have given it as well: Don't throw all your efforts into chasing one girl only. Chase a lot of girls. The one that chases you back is the one you put effort into. And to answer your question, if a woman says she'll call back, and she doesn't, you don't need to ask her why. Her not calling IS the message. She's not interested. Remember what people have been saying over and over again on these forums. Do not judge someone on what they say. Only on what they do. Action means more than words. Link to comment
volpe Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 yeah, i met a seemingly cool guy a couple of weeks ago, but then he emailed me multiple times, just going back and forth with short things and asked me out. he just seemed so eager. i already was sort of unsure about us actually being compatible-- some thing he had said-- and so that just sort of tipped it over to me being not interested. but perhaps if he had given me some space to feel interested i would have stayed interested. but he just sort of freaked me out. fast forward to yesterday-- i met a guy at the same cafe, we had a great convo, no red flags or awkwardness, good energy, asked me for my number... and didn't call me today, so of course I am glad he didn't--because if he did it would have been too much too soon-- we just talked yesterday! Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Those are the kind of girls that I have trouble respecting. You will run into NUTS like that from time to time Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Those are the kind of girls that I have trouble respecting. You will run into NUTS like that from time to time Huh?? Doesn't make her nuts....makes her 'not that interested'... And if a guy has half a clue, he picks up on this obvious 'lack of interest'... Since when has 'not interested' equalled 'nuts'???? Crikey, Im not interested in my male next door neighbour....does that make me nuts?? lol Link to comment
Shudder Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 If the girl isn't interested, she shouldn't have responded the way she did. I have run into those types as well. Perhaps I should start doing it to women and let them see how it feels like. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 This is frustrating me with this girl I went on a good first date with last week.... So I called her a couple days later... Next day, no call from her. So I text her..... Today I call her again... The fact that this guy did ALL of the initiating of calls and texts, should've been enough for him to know, that there is very little interest on this females part..... She returned his calls and texts yes.....but she was not initiating the contact/and shows very little interest in meeting up again Despite her saying she'd call and suggestion of a hike....she DIDN'T call. So the guy decides to text her again..... This time she says, she'd like to hang out.....but she makes no concrete plans to hang out and she DOESN'T call... So the guy calls her again and receives no response.... He is constantly pursuing and despite her flaking time after time.. He should have taken it as NO INTEREST and quit pursuing, the very first time she flaked.... If she was interested....she'd have got back to him and shown up for the hike. I think she has responded the way she did, because she has chosen to take the 'nice' approach as opposed to the 'nasty' approach. She is trying to let him down gently, probably and she is deliberatley not following anything through, hoping he gets the message.... His last call went ignored and because she is now realising, that what she has been doing isn't working and isn't getting the message of 'Im not interested' through to him..... The wisest thing for her to have done, is to be straight with the guy and tell him that she has no further interest I agree. But some women do lean to the gentle 'blow off' hoping it gets the message accross....rather than have to hurt the mans feelings. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Huh?? Doesn't make her nuts....makes her 'not that interested'... And if a guy has half a clue, he picks up on this obvious 'lack of interest'... Since when has 'not interested' equalled 'nuts'???? Crikey, Im not interested in my male next door neighbour....does that make me nuts?? lol But he said the girl made out with him and said hiking sounds like FUN and that she was looking forward to it and then al of a sudden is not calling or texting. That makes her NUTS Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 It's one date. She may have initially wanted to go on another (hiking) but later changed her mind for a million different possible reasons. She then gave you the cold shoulder, hoping that would send a clear message. That does not make her nuts. It was one date, move along and don't worry about why she did this and not that etc. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 It's one date. She may have initially wanted to go on another (hiking) but later changed her mind for a million different possible reasons. She then gave you the cold shoulder, hoping that would send a clear message. That does not make her nuts. It was one date, move along and don't worry about why she did this and not that etc. The part that makes her nutty is her MAKING OUT WITH HIM Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 See, this kind of thing confuses men. We put stock into what she actually says. (That is until we get older and more experienced to know better.) Anyway, her actions are screaming much louder than the words she uttered to you. Best to move on and forget her. Link to comment
george237 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 The part that makes her nutty is her MAKING OUT WITH HIM Kissing somebody doesn't mean that she is looking to date him. It means that she wanted to kiss him, that's it. Women don't owe you a phone call or another date just like you don't owe them one either. What the OP should have done was wait for her to call the first time. She might have been busy during the day and was unable to call. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Kissing somebody doesn't mean that she is looking to date him. It means that she wanted to kiss him, that's it. Women don't owe you a phone call or another date just like you don't owe them one either. What the OP should have done was wait for her to call the first time. She might have been busy during the day and was unable to call. So kissing someone you don't want to see again doesn't qualify you for the NUT HOUSE? Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 CD and OP, I'm not saying this b'coz I'm a girl but people in general have freedom to choose. In an ideal world, this girl should not have made out with him on 1st date if she knew she wasn't gonna follow through. But may be she said "okay, lets just go ahead, get a taste of it n think about it later". May be she wasn't thinking into future. Fine. I'm not saying thats right or wrong. Thats who she is. We know now, right? So, even if this girl decides to date you OP, you know that she can do one thing but may not really mean it emotionally. I don't think that it makes her NUTS, CD. Thats how some people are. Leave it if you can't handle the stress of trying to figure out whats going on in her mind all the time. Move on to someone whose actions n words n expressions all say the same message. Good thing is that it happened now. I can understand the hurt n frustration if you liked this girl, but its good to know sooner than later, right? Simply move on to the next one. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Sounds like she got a "better offer" so to speak & just didn't want to tell you the truth. sorry. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 The part that makes her nutty is her MAKING OUT WITH HIM I'm not even going to start with you again. As I said before, I'm done with that. OP, move on...assume she's not interested. If she ends up calling, proceed if you want, but proceed with caution. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 I'm not even going to start with you again. As I said before, I'm done with that. OP, move on...assume she's not interested. If she ends up calling, proceed if you want, but proceed with caution. I think the OP already knows to move on what kind of advice is that? He was asking why do you THINK a girl would do what she did. Not that he needs to move on because I think he knows he has no choice but tomove on. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 It's one date. She may have initially wanted to go on another (hiking) but later changed her mind for a million different possible reasons. She then gave you the cold shoulder, hoping that would send a clear message. That does not make her nuts. It was one date, move along and don't worry about why she did this and not that etc. OP, here's what I said, in case there is any confusion. Link to comment
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