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Commitmentphobe meets Commitmentphobe

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Anyone want to make any wagers on what happens when two commitmentphobes date each other?


I think I might be a commitmentphobe and I found out that this guy I'm dating is also a commitmentphobe. We both play the same commitmentphobe games with each other, I've just noticed tonight.


Me: I will try to drive guys to break up with me when I want to leave the relationship but can't for one reason or another (I've had many instances where it was socially inappropriate to leave a relationship like a terminally ill relative -- but a major event like an accidental unplanned pregnancy and subsequent abortion made me want to leave). So I (subconsciously) will do things that I KNOW will drive the guy to leave. I will act devastated and shocked when he leaves -- to the point where I convince myself that I am -- but I realize that I've saved up enough money to get myself a new place to live (because we lived together). Not all the relationships were this extreme -- but I know I have a pattern of doing things that will drive the guy nuts when I want out instead of outright breaking up with him. I've even gone through instances where I want to join the military in order to get away from the guy and use it as a reason to leave and have the relationship just dwindle.


This guy I'm seeing: commitmentphobe also. Will go after a girl like me and he'll say that I like him more than I do -- to the point where he puts the words "marriage" and "kids" in my mouth after only 2 months and tells me he's scared of it. His longest relationship was 2 years (he's 38) and he'll break up with a girl when a relationship gets serious. He wants a girl to be utterly devoted to him but in the past, he gets cold feet whenever a girl gets close. A girl starts telling him she loves him and he backs off and gets scared.


I'm laughing at this because we're both equally dysfunctional. Could this actually be a match made in heaven where no one will get hurt because we're both scared of the same thing?

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I strongly doubt that it'll be a match in heaven, but it definitely could be a good thing depending on what you do with. I suggest that the two of you talk about it, and when you're both ready for it attempt to get over your commitment phobias. It may seem like the only way to fly right now, but trust me, you're better off without it. You definitely shouldn't expect a miraculous recovery because it's going to take time. Try and think of when your first noticed you had become a commitmenetphobe and what was going on in your life at that time. Get him to do the same. Hopefully, slowly but surely the two of you will learn that commitment can be a beautiful thing!




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