Age gap help

[ldwickw]

Ok my boyfriend is going to be 40 on june 19th and I am 20 on april 9th so there is a large gap. I have been with him for over two years we lived togetherr for 10 months and have told our parents who are all friends and they took it exceptionally well. We have always had a great time together and are very happy most the time and I really love him alot but now he is in jail and it seems we are drifting apart little by little how can I rekindle the romance with him there and me here. Please help me [/b]

[charmed]

Hi Ldwickw,

 

You haven't told us how long he is in Jail for - which is sort of important here. To rekindle the romance while he is in jail will be rather difficult. Your ability to interact with him effectively is no longer there, and you can be sure that life in jail for him will prove difficult. This may strain your relationship even more.

 

If he is in jail for a long time, you are going to have to think about yourself. If you are willing to wait for him, then consider writing to him, and maintaining as much support as you can get for him. He needs positive energy around him, and you will fulfill more of a friendly role than a romantic role at this time.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[lil_mamarains13]

I believe that if it were meant to be it will. I don't mean to be negative, but I have seen other couples drift when one is thrown in jail or can't be around each other for long periods of time (months or years). I haven't been in that situation, but if you love him hold on to it, and wait for him unless the reason you are drifting is because of the reason he went to jail. Well I don't know what else to say so good luck.

[ldwickw]

He went to jail for nothing that effects our relationship it was all to do with stupidity he went to colorado to see his dad and I stayed becasue I had to work and he got introuble for drinking and driving, no liscence , no insurace, and had a warrant there so he got a year but should be able to get out in july sometime if he is good. We wrote each other every day for about 2 months and now it is I'm writing all the time and get a letter once or twice a week from him. I hope it is cause he is working now while he is in there and just don't have as much time to write all the time so hope this helps thanks for your replies

[charmed]

Hi Ldwickw,

 

Well, he has another 6 months to go then.

 

He is sure to be going through something terrible right now - drink drivers in jail are often feeling out of place etc. when compared to the crimes some of the other inmates have committed.

 

Again, if you want this relationship to work, you are going to have to be strong to help him through this time. You will have to make the effort, and show him that you haven't given up hope for him. Don't read into what he is doing inside to much - the reason he might not write etc... He is going through quite a lot of mental stress etc.

 

So in short, and answering your original question, this is not a time for spicing up romance, it is a time for survival. How well that will work is very much in your hands and not in his.

 

Good luck,

We are here should you need support during this time,

 

~

[lil_mamarains13]

Well at least it isn't 10 years or something crazy like that. All I can tell you is live one day at a time, stay busy, and try not to think about it so much until he gets out. Or you can move on. These are choices you have to make on your own, but we are here to support you in your decisions. He may be busy, and it may hurt him to bad to write everyday. Ask him in your next letter why he doesn't write as often as he used to. Be supportive of him, and let him know you are waiting for him if that is what you decide to do otherwise tell him you are moving on. I wish you all the luck, and keep us updated.

[kywe]

Well, How much do you love this man and will you two be able to rekindle the spark once he's out? Jail time is no fun in the park. There is no guarantee that he will be the same person when he gets out. Are you willing to work with that? What are your needs?

 

This is just something to think about. He comes out with you waiting for him and he decides to take some time out to adjust to society again. Well you've wasted your time.

 

But on a positive note, love sustains all else. If you two love each other, then wait. It is hard to be in a relationship especially if you two have limited means of communication. Be supportive, write nice detailed letters of you missing him and what to expect when you two are reunited.

 

As for you in the mean time, take up some hobbies or classes to make the time go by quicker. Pick a day of the week to write a long letter instead of every day, just so that you have much more to write about and less time torturing yourself on how much you miss him.

 

Good Luck and keep us updated.

[ldwickw]

This is all of you that helped. I do love him alot and realize that being in jail may effect him when he gets out but we have been through worse so we will be able to get through this and he wrote me and had the same ideal on mind asking if there was a problem or if we just lessened the communication so we are on the same track and should be able to figure out what we did to confuse each other and hope it gets better thank you guys and gals