I want to get her back, what should I do?

[Absolution]

My girlfriend recently broke up with me, mostly i think because she needed space and time to herself and to spend with friends; Another reason being that she wanted to take things slower. I was taken totally by surprise and my first reaction was to beg her to give me a chance to change(because i was also being a little too possessive) which i did when she broke up with me and the next day over the phone. Then the next day we talk for a lil bit and I tried not to bring up getting back together but it happened, then i told her i had to go because i was at a party. She called me later(before it had just been me calling her back) and we talked for an hour like we used to and she said she missed talking to me and everything seemed to be ok for a minute and we both said we felt better. She also told me she lost her appetite and felt bad since she broke up with, which is the same way i felt. Then the next day we talked again and everything seemed ok then too but i keep hinting at dating again and she just says stuff like i dont know, and she tells me she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else and she needs time to think. She also told me that she felt like she was leading me on and that she just wants to be friends right now. I really love and this girl and she told me she still really likes me and if i mention seeing anyone she says it would really bother her, so what should i do to get her back? Also what am i doing wrong?

 

 

Update: I want to cut off contact but i dont want her to think that i don't care either. My friends told me that i should not call her and try to only say hi to her at school; and that if she calls me answer but only talk briefly and tell her i have to go. My friends suggested that if i do this she will realize how much she misses me. So my next question is should i even answer when she calls? The reason im wondering is because if i dont call her back or only talk to her for a moment i think she might get the wrong idea and forget about me altogether Any ideas on that? Sorry im writing so much!

 

Second thing- yesterday after i posted this question we talked on the phone for awhile and i told her that my cousin wanted me to go on a blind date with this girl he knows. I told her im not ready to get back out there and that im not going to, and she said ok but she wouldnt really talk for a couple minutes and then she says "I feel really dumb but i have to go" so i asked her what was wrong and she said the dating thing bothered her because it made her feel like i think that our relationship didnt matter if i dated somebody so soon. So i talked her out of going and she seemsed ok and then she told me she missed me and then like 5 seconds later her brother came home and she said she had to go and she would see me tomorrow.

So today at school i talked to her for a moment and she felt really ty it was partly because of what i said and the other reasons is because i think shes realizing that shes getting lonely and misses the relationship because last night on the phone she also said at first she liked having so much free time but now she just felt really bad when she was only around her family. So she felt really bad all day and tried to go home even and she wont eat and stuff and then she asked me if i was ok and I said yeah im ok and i tried to make her feel better about the dating thing and she smiles and stuff and then says she will call later.

 

So should i tell her that i feel normal? or that i dont feel well like her? At first i felt the same but im ok now and i just want to be back with her but i feel like ill be ok if i cant, it would just be better if i could you know? But sorry for writing so much, if anyone has any ideas thanks!!!! And if u think i should cut off contact when should i try to see her again? i read some things online and it says wait awhile and then ask her to lunch or something and just show her what shes missing and how confident and fun you can be! Should i also try to fix the things that she said were wrong before i try to ask her out again?

[jenna981]

Hmm, yeah, I'd keep your cool and try remaining happy. Keep asking about the relationship and trying to get back together scares them far, far away. She wants space, then give it to her and go NC. Maybe keep LC at the most..once a week or so for a few minutes to see how each other are doing.

 

If you feel those things need fixing that she pointed out, do them for you whether you get back with her or for the next person you are with.

 

IMO it's unfair of her to tell you not to date anyone because she doesn't want to get hurt, but she hurt you breaking up with you. She cut you loose, you are free to do whatever you want. Like she wants you to wait around moping over her. It wouldn't hurt to have gone on the date, since you never know, you might have found someone better or atleast made a new friend but you lose out worrying about someone's feelings that doesn't want to be with you right now.

 

Wanted to also add... don't mention to her any potential dates. You aren't trying to get her jealous or anything. If she asks you can say you are out meeting new people.

[denise_14]

This just suddenly crossed my mind, I'm not sure if this makes sense but, I've heard of the so called '2 months rule', which means that you shouldn't go out on a date within the span of 2 months after a break up, lol! Maybe your ex somewhat adheres to that principle.

 

The way I see it, your ex still likes to be with you, she's just confused, or maybe, a little immature. Her reson for breaking up is because she needed space and time for her self. The problem is on her end. Just play it cool. Strike a balance between living your life while at the same time still being considerate about her feelings, for after all, you also obviously still care about her.

[atelis]

i'm in the same boat. she told me she needs time and space. we started seeing each only 1 month after she and her ex broke off a 4 year relationship. we were fine for the first few months and then she started backing away and getting confused about her feelings for me. the classic rebound. she obviously didn't give herself enough time to heal after the break-up and i know she is still hurting over it.

 

we have been 3 weeks NC now and i miss her dearly. i am so tempted to contact her, but i really don't know what to do or say. i am trying to play it cool and give her space, but i don't want her to forget about me. you know, out of sight out of mind.

 

it's a hard one

[blue_dahlia]

am trying to play it cool and give her space, but i don't want her to forget about me. you know, out of sight out of mind.

 

Have you forgot about her? No. If she's interested in you, she won't forget about you. If she's interested, giving her space is to your benefit. If she's not interested, all the space in the world won't matter. It's tough not knowing if you need to hold on or let go. I envy your strength!