How to protect myself from someone who is potentially violent?

[littlestar]

Thanks greensleeves. I really do hope i've seen the last of him.

[littlestar]

I did promise not to go to the police if he kept his promise to leave me alone. But i am reallt not sure i have made the right decision. Should i go to the cops anyway? Just to be on the safe side, as i have already made a complaint about him, i am sure this time he will get spoken to and that may set him off.

 

My friend also said yesterday he was raving on about the crime he had comitted in the past and got away with, thankfully the person his friends beat up for him last time all got caought, lets hope justice does its job. I really hope he doesnt do anything to my ex, as he is an innoncent party in all this.

I dont know what to do. To go or not to go to the police???

 

DO u think people like him back off all of a sudden or is there more to come with him?

 

Sorry for raving on, just dont know who i can talk to.

[littlestar]

Is this what is considered violence and abuse?

Does obsession come into it as well??

 

I feel sorry for anyone that ever gets involved with him again, I wish i could warn everyone of him. No wonder he complains no relationships ever work out for him with the way he acts and carries on. And his ex took a restraining order out on him. And she also threatened him with her new biker boyfriend that he would destroy him if he didnt leave her alone and he was telling me she is crazy! Hmmm.

 

If the cops look up his file and see he has had restraining orders before from exs will that look better for me if i need to get one????

[greensleeves]

I guess it would be considered threats of violence...he hasn't harmed you yet, but is blatantly threatening you and your ex boyfriend. He's certainly acting obsessive and it sounds like he has a pattern of doing this with ex girlfriends. Although it also sound like he eventually moves on to his next victim.

 

I really think that you should call that hotline...they'd probably be better able to advise you as the laws will be different in Australia than they are here, plus they'll be experts on telling you how to proceed in order to protect yourself. Are you hesitant to call them because you're not sure that this would be considered violence? Is that why you asked if it would be considered violence and abuse? Don't worry about that, agencies like this are there to help you and answer your questions and are happy to do it.

 

I do think the police would be looking up his past record if you end up filing a complaint against him.

[littlestar]

I'll give them a call i just hope they dont think i am crazy.

 

When u had your problems was he constantly in contact with you or did he have moments of quiet?

[greensleeves]

Oh no, they won't think you're crazy at all, in fact they'll be very familiar with situations just like this because it isn't uncommon.

 

There were moments of quiet. In the beginning there was constant harassment and stalking...he even grabbed me off of the street a couple of times on my way home from school or my part time job into his car and drive around for hours threatening to kill us both...it was a horrible period in my life. It was before you could unplug phones or caller id. He'd phone our house over and over again and we just wouldn't answer, we'd have to wrap the phone in blankets to muffle the sound. He did physically harm me on quite a few occasions as well and threatened me and my family alot. Then there'd be a bit of a lull and it would start up again...that's why we finally had to move away.

 

There's no pattern that these guys follow so hopefully the one you're having problems with will just disappear...I really hope he does for your sake. Just be very careful until you know what's going on. And call that hot line...they will be happy to help you in any way they can.

[littlestar]

Thanks again greensleeves.

Sounds like you went through hell with that guy. I just dont understand some people. They have a real problem with the head i think.

 

I will call the hotline and see what they have to say.

[littlestar]

I finally gained the courage to call that number, the lady wasnt all that helpful, she listened while i talked and told me how frightening the situation must be for me and told me to call the police if anything happens and thats all she could help with.

 

Damn it's night here again. Almost 7pm. So the sun is down and its dark. I am feeling uneasy tonight. I wish i had a police officer at the front of my door.

[littlestar]

I am trying to keep myself busy on here and thought i had spent forever and looked and now its only 7:30pm. Its only been half hour. It's a good 11 hours or so till sunrise.

Man i hate the darkness.

[greensleeves]

I'm surprised they weren't more helpful to you at the hotline...maybe you could try calling one of the other numbers in the link.

 

I hope you had a good sleep and that all is well.

[just M.E.]

littlestar -

 

Do you have a dog? Can you have a friend or family member stay with you? If you can have any kind of a dog, I would adopt one from a shelter ASAP. A dog may not be able to make him stop but it is very likely to warn you that someone is lurking around. A barking dog often deters an assailant, it's like an alarm system. And he won't know if it is a nice dog or a very mean dog.

[just M.E.]

I agree that a restraining order is good in the sense that it gives the police a reason they can arrest him, but don't be lead to believe a restraining order will convince him to stop. Many abusers will not respect a restraining order, so take all the precautions you can even if you have a restraining order.

 

I can name too many real life near death and death situations where a restraining order was in place.

[littlestar]

Hi everyone, it was another sleepless night. Every time i dose off something would wake me. The winds were quite strong here last night and windows and doors were rattling making me jump every few seconds. But other than that it was a peaceful night and no one attempted anything. Even my father had a restless night, we are all on high alert around here. I was so happy to see the sunrise this morning.

I havent heard from him, but i shouldnt get to excited i guess, its early days isnt it?

And he wont necessarily send people to do anything every night will he?

 

I do have a dog, its actually my mothers dog but he is old and doesnt hear much, he didnt hear them breaking the glass the other night.

 

This is all seems like a bad dream that i wish i could wake up and forget.

[greensleeves]

So that's two nights you haven't heard from him? That's good. Keep your guard up though and call the police immediatley if any happens that seems suspicious. I'm so glad you're with your family and not alone right now.

[littlestar]

The no contact from him was short lived greensleeves. Just a few mins ago he sent me a message telling me he's sorry to bother me but he had no one else to talk to and he wanted to tell me he had lost his job (he has almost lost his job many times before and he blamed me coz of the arguments and disagreements we had).

I responded with "I am sorry to hear, hope you get another one soon"

(thought it was safest to respond in a nice manner than not respond at all or be nasty, thought it might fuel his anger)

He sent one back apologizing for bothering me and i havent responded back to that one.

 

Doesnt look like he is going away does it? And was that message a way to try to suck me in to feel sorry for him? He used to do that in the past to me and i would always fall for it, thank god i have taken the rose colored glasses off and can see him for who he really is.

 

Every time i start to feel sorry for him, i think of all the names he called me, what he did to my window the other night and the hell he has put and my family through that we cant even sleep properly at night.

[greensleeves]

I think the response was good, you kept it very brief. It may have been better not to respond, but you know him better and it's hard to know whether or not to rwhat to do with unpredictable people like this. I agree that he was trying to make you feel sorry for him...I'm sure there were other people he could have talked to about losing his job.

[littlestar]

There are times he would tell me he has HEAPS of friends and other times he would tell me he has no one, not even family. Just dont know what to believe with him.

 

I thought responding briefly but not asking anything about him would make him feel perhaps a little happier, i know in the past when i have ignored him completely he got pretty scary and would call heaps and abuse me and send lots of nasty messages, so i thought if one little message would keep him happy then i would do it. I do prefer however if he never bothered with me again.

 

I think he is a very sick man and he needs help.

[littlestar]

If it is true that he has lot his job i hope he finds another one soon that offers him more hours to work, i think it's better that way at least he is kept occuppied and have less time to think about me and how to bother me and make my life a misery.

If he decides not to work that's going to be disasterous, as he will have waaaaaaay to much time on his hands.

[greensleeves]

If it is true that he has lot his job i hope he finds another one soon that offers him more hours to work, i think it's better that way at least he is kept occuppied and have less time to think about me and how to bother me and make my life a misery.

If he decides not to work that's going to be disasterous, as he will have waaaaaaay to much time on his hands.

 

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing...it could mean more problems for you.

[littlestar]

Fingers crossed he gets a job. No doubt he will probably message me again to tell me the good news if he gets one. I did tell him to not contact me anymore and he promised he wouldnt and that he would delete my number, obviously that never happened.

 

I dont know what to say to him to get him to stop contacting me but without making him angry, if its just a message every now and then here and there, would it be ok to respond??

 

I just prefer to have him out of my life for good, that way he can forget me.

[KG]

littlestar,

Make sure you save the messages and texts he sends...can you record them somehow? So if you do have to go to the Police, you've got proof.

I wish I could help more!

[littlestar]

littlestar,

Make sure you save the messages and texts he sends...can you record them somehow? So if you do have to go to the Police, you've got proof.

I wish I could help more!

 

I have managed to save some but not all and he doesnt ususally threaten in messages, only in person or over the phone. The messages are more about wanting to see me or my ex and calling me names.

 

Last night thankfully was a quiet night, and i havent heard from him since that message yesterday, so fingers crossed it may all be over.

[littlestar]

Hi.

Just checking in....

There was no dramas last night, so i am happy with the way things are at the moment. I havent heard from him either.

I am not letting my guard down though.

[greensleeves]

It sounds like things are going well...I'm glad.

[littlestar]

For now they are, lets hope they stay that way