She left without a single word, do I have any chances ladies

[jamman]

I am 28 years old and am in love with the most wonder ful woman i have ever met in my life. She is 25 and is in love with me and thinks i am the greatest thing to ever happen to her.We both are very logical good people with great lives. Sorry if this is long but I am really confused. We were together for 9mo's, Knew each other for 5yrs(as aquaintences) and fell in love in one night. Our relationship was great and we were completely compatible, fulfilling all of each others desires and experiencing a love both of us had ever known. Problems began 3months ago when she sensed my deep pain and feelings of abandonment from my parents. She started to help me to deal with deaths of my friends and family members and tell her my inner secrets so I would not hide anything from her. This brought about many nights of long conversations and me coping with things I was not ready for.

 

I should say that since these deaths I have drank for 6yrs and when she started to get me to open these emotions I doubled my drinking. She left me in november right as I started councilling. We got back together for a month and I cut back my alcoholism and we were having a great loving inspirational relationship moving forward with wonderful ease. A friend of ours was moving away and she encouraged me to throw a going away party for him(DEC18), although hesitant because of my drinking I did. That night we had the best time ever, dancing together singing skipping down the street, lost in each others eyes every minute, okay you get the picture. Well we went to my house and I completely blacked out, we had both been drinking all night but I drink twice as much. I guess we got in a fight? Last I remember was her getting out of bed and screaming at me that she was going home. Not knowing why I grabbed her arms and said why are you leaving , then I tried to hug her and she flipped out I was clueless as to what happened before she went to bed. I know this sounds ***ed but I don't remember anything much.

 

For a week she would not answer my calls until I finnally called her at work. First she said I called her a bitch and freaked out about her ordering a pizza then said I kicked her while she was in bed. She said I scared her and what scared her more was that I did'nt remember, she said she had to go back to work and that was the last time we spoke. This really confuses me because I have never hit a person or been violent(except 3 fights in grade school). Verbally aggressive yes but not ever abusive.Sorry to go on so long but she never said goodbye, 'don't talk to me', 'I'm leaving', 'it's over' etc...nothing at all, after 5weeks still not a word. No Christmas eve, day New years blah blah.

 

I drank and drugged myself into oblivion until I almost commited suicide 3 times while spending the entire holidays by myself no family no her, a few friends but no plans anymore so being so depressed I finnally woke up checked into a detox centre and have been clean ever since. Thing is she called my mother (whom I rarely speak to, except the token christmas call) to tell her how much she loves me and misses me? She then met my best friend one week ago and told him all the great things about me, that she has no regrets, she loves and misses me but if she see's me she'll hug me and cry and then she'll just have no choice but to want me back. She also wants to give me my chritmas presents and my belongings back but she will not talk to me or see me and will not anytime soon. I know she is not seeing anyone and will not, but I worry for both our loss and both our feelings if we are to get back together or in many months try to see other people.

 

Anyway this is so hard and I'm totally lost in love and completely confused, she only thinks that I am absolutely wonderful and that we had the best relationship she has ever known but she never wants to see me again. She says she cries every time she tries to write me so she can't, and she won't answer a call from me. I must have scared her so much, so much it makes me cry for her, the worst is I can't remember and my guilt is too huge. I have written twice and given her a gift christmas day that made her call me on the 29th only to hang up without a word. Now I am giving her all the space and myself to heal from the greatest love we've both known. I just can't let go. Does anyone think I have a chance with her or any idea's as to what I should do. I know the love between us is so strong and we are both good for each other especially now that I am sober. If you can make sense of some of this whiney ramblin that isn't in complete chronological order, please help a nice confused guy.

 

thanks for listening

 

jamman

[neallo82288]

Welcome to Enotalone!!!

 

We have all been there and done that. Well, you both need to heal. She needs to realize that you have a problem and did get help for it. As you should know, a relationship is out of the question for you, because you need atleast twelve months of being clean to start a relationship or you will go back to your old self. Anyway, you need to stop calling her and just leave her alone. Let her miss you for a while and she if she can forgive you. Truth is that was abuse and while you do not remember it you abused her and that is what hurt her the most. Do not worry, she will call. It may take a couple of months, but she will call. When she does call, how will you handle it? Tell you to read this post and you will get the answer about how to get her back.

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

It contains many dos and donts on getting your ex back. Read it and follow it and you will be rewarded. Your reward is getting either her back or not wanting her back, but you will be rewarded.