Confused...Am I Getting Mixed Signals??

[adam0969]

So this a long story but I need some helpful advice...So I was at a bar this past Friday night and there was this table next to mine with a few women and one guy...I started to talk to the table because its just in my nature...So one of the women I took notice in but a guy was sitting next to her so I thought maybe it was a boyfriend or the likes,so I didn't make much of an effort...So they were getting ready to leave and somehow,I can't quite remember something about sending me a dirty text message came up and the one woman who hadn't said squat the whole night said she would send me one...So a little while later,I get this text saying she didn't think I deserved one...So we texted back and forth for about 3 hours and I found out that it wasn't her boyfriend,just some guy...So the next day I went to the beach with another friend of mine and me and my new female aquaintance were texting all day again and I asked her if she was up for hanging out later that evening...She agreed and we met at the same bar again..Now she wasn't dreesed to the nines,but she did look good and she had makeup on..So we hung out there for awhile and then she wanted to know if I wanted to bail and hang at her place,so I said sure...We went back to her place and just hung out and talked about life basically until 4 or 5 in the morning...But I did notice things like she looked at me alot and was playfully touching me and whatnot...But then there was a few times where we were face to face and I would sort of lean forward a little to test the waters and she would turn her head slightly,but not a full turn...So I took that as a signal...So I fell asleep on the couch and she cuddled up next to me and fell asleep..The next morning before I left,she asked for a hug and that was that...Went over after work just for a few hours and talked again,then gave her another hug and left...So as of this posting,we still talk alot,but I'm confused as to whether she has an interest in me,I'm stuck in the dreaded"friend zone",or if I'm caught in a murky middle...She did tell me in conversation she's going through alot of personal stuff right now and doesn't feel it would be fair to have a guy in her life right now because she doesn't have her life in order...So,I guess what I'm wondering is if there is any attraction,and how to avoid getting stuck in that friend zone???Sorry it was so long...But thanks for any input,advice,etc...

[Lana0120]

If she says she doesn't think it'd be fair to have a guy in her life right now because she has issues, regardless of any attraction that she may feel for you (and she probably is attracted), I think that you should run for the hills.

[adam0969]

See,my problem is that I have a big heart and want to help everyone out and the fact that she's having troubles makes me want to be there more to help out and be there for her...Its a slippery slope,I know....I had asked her if she wanted to come over to my place or whatnot last night and she said she was tired...So I told her I didn't want to come off as being pushy or over aggressive and she said I was just a little and then said she was just in a rut right now...I think she was just in a mood but none the less,I'm going to back off and let her be the first one to communicate with me....

[Lana0120]

Yeah, knight in shining armour syndrome. ;-) If she's backing off like that, you're making the right choice in letting her be the first one to communicate with you.

[adam0969]

so do you think she's losing the attraction towards me,or am i in danger of falling into the dreaded friend zone?...i'm very bad at picking up on signals and i'm 30,lol....just trying to get a perspective from someone of the opposite sex....my thinking is that she's into me,but has too much on her plate,but its a double edged sword,because if i just abandon the situation i come off as a butthole but whats the alternative?just be her friend and then when she's ready hope that we're too good of friends for anything to develop???

[Lana0120]

I think that when anyone tells you that they are not interested in a relationship just yet, they either genuinely aren't interested, or that they just don't want a relationship with you. The fact that she has backed off with her contact means you should back off too.

[adam0969]

yeah,i'm going to just back off and see what happens...i just think personally that she has so much bs and drama in her life right now,that a relationaship is the last thing on her mind right now....its called excess baggage and its not a good thing to put on someone elses shoulders....thanks for the advice...i'll keep everyone informed...

[Lana0120]

Don't just be concerned about her though, be concerned about you. Getting involved with someone who has more baggage than Paris Hilton takes on holiday is a seriously bad idea. Good luck.

[D_Lish]

'I don't want a relationship' or 'I have loads of stuff going on in my personal life' are classic lines women will use, rather than have to hurt a guys feelings and tell him straight up she aint interested.

 

Not saying that this is the case in all relationships, but in the majority it is.

 

If a woman gives a man one of the above lines, 95% of the time, she isn't interested.

 

Maybe she had an initial interest in the OP....but reading between the lines, it would appear her interest in him has waned.

 

I say this because in the beginning she did appear to show an interest....then suddenly she's backed off, refused to go to his place because she is 'tired'....said he was coming over all 'aggressive and pushy'....

 

All excuses women will use and all are used because of basic lack of interest.

 

Some women do back off if a guy wants to get to serious, too soon. But she doesn't run very far away....and she still keeps the guy around, as I managed to do...

 

This woman hasn't even said she will call him, nor has she asked him to call her.

 

Smacks of 'no interest'.....other than 'friends'.

 

Hope I'm wrong however.

[adam0969]

i think what people are failing to read between the lines is that i met her on a friday and we hung out the whole weekend...we talked for hours on end about alot of stuff so when she says she's not ready for anything because of personal stuff i don't take it as a brush off because i know whats going on unless she lied to me about her life the past 3 days or so....as far as her being tired,it wasn't a blowoff either because i was at her house the saturday and sunday night and she didn't sleep much those 2 nights...i just think what happened was it was a new thing and now its starting to slow down and i have to just go with the flow...my mistake was not putting the brakes on sooner,hence the being over aggressive thing...but i haven't called her all day,i'm going to let her make the first move and see what happens next...

[D_Lish]

Right ok, well just because a woman may have spent time in your company, doesn't mean she may be interested in you in 'that' way either. The woman obviously was initially attracted, hence is why she chose to spend time in your company. But she was just getting to know you, 'feeling' you out so to speak...she won't have really known in those first few days, how she felt towards you. We don't know if we are going to 'click' unless we spend time getting to know someone and sometimes we do click and sometimes we don't. If we don't click, then there is no longer any desire to further get to know or become further involved with the other person....

 

Then we tend to back off...

 

Her troubles could be real ones, she may not be lying. But still....when she told you about her problems and you know about her problems, makes her reasons appear all the more genuine, when she tells you she isn't looking for a relationship/has stuff going on. She knows you won't question her or push her further for an involvement....

 

She may well be genuine...she could be backing off because she feels you were and are coming on too strong....I've done this myself.

But as I said, I didn't run very far and I didn't back off for long. I would still maintain a contact, which let him know, that there was a genuine interest on my part. And when he called, I'd answer every time. I didn't cut him off for days and days on end. I'd say the longest I backed off for, was maybe a day or so at a time....then I went back.

 

You could try calling her in a couple of days maybe...see how she reacts.

You will soon get your answer....