Caterina Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I was watching television and they had this show where they put exes together in a house. The one ex obviously still wanted her ex and they slept together. They guy went back to his gf and it was obvious he had used her for sex while she thought they were going to get back together. It made me wonder: I mean, this woman was someone he dated and supposedly cared about before and yet, he used her. Sad thing is, his gf took him back saying, "he cheated but he chose the best girl". It was swept under the rug. What made it so easy for him to just use her like that and toss her aside if she was supposedly someone he had cared about? I had someone I cared about and we decided it was better to stop talking since I wanted a relationship and he didn't and it was too hard after that. It just has always been easy for him to not talk to me again; I've always been the one to reinitiate contact (I'm not going to do that...but sometimes, I guess, I wish that he did, alhtough other times I know its best that he doesn't). What made me so forgetful? I dated one guy for a year and got over him in two weeks. I got over him despite his deep feelings for me, rather quickly probably b/c I never felt the same way he did about me. Is that why? How can we forget someone who cared about us so much, so easily? Link to comment
Butterflygrl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I think there could be two reasons: One, the person really didn't care about us like they said they did or like we thought they did or two: They are the type of person who hides their emotions. They trained themselves to forget it ever happen. It's kind of a protection mechanism. They have the feelings but they compartmentalize. You have to look at their history with friends and ex-lovers to figure out which category they fall in. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I think there could be two reasons: One, the person really didn't care about us like they said they did or like we thought they did or two: They are the type of person who hides their emotions. They trained themselves to forget it ever happen. It's kind of a protection mechanism. They have the feelings but they compartmentalize. You have to look at their history with friends and ex-lovers to figure out which category they fall in. Agree with this completely! Or thirdly, they just really don't have much empathy or conscience anyway... Link to comment
Butterflygrl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Agree with this completely! Or thirdly, they just really don't have much empathy or conscience anyway... Yes! and how frightening to think that we loved someone like that- although I'm starting to think my ex falls in category 3- He was in category 2... hmmmm something to ponder. Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 People have different mechanisms of coping. Some guys, even though they truly loved and cared for a girl, will go seek another right as soon as the relationship has ended. According to my ex, "I want to move on with my life and forget about you. I don't want to live in memories." Link to comment
Butterflygrl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 People have different mechanisms of coping. Some guys, even though they truly loved and cared for a girl, will go seek another right as soon as the relationship has ended. According to my ex, "I want to move on with my life and forget about you. I don't want to live in memories." Interesting. I agree. Link to comment
Nixee Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Ugh.... very painful topic, and I think about this a lot. I have a hard time just completely forgetting and cutting off anyone I once cared deeply about, but I know a few people who seem to do it easily. Just like Butterflygrl said, they compartmentalize.... they can shut down when need be. I also think it has to do with where your focus is at. If your focus is on yourself, then you will be shut down to other people. Centered on career, centered on school, centered on personal problems.... it becomes easier to let someone else go that way I think, because you know you really have to.... you can't love them even if they want you to. I've met people like this at complicated times, and I've been hurt and baffled by them. Doesn't seem like it should be an excuse, but it ties in with compartmentalizing. It is frustrating to deal with.... very frustrating. But I also think that if there really WAS something there to begin with (and they truly did care), that it usually still is there under the surface, and often comes bubbling back up to bite these people in the rear. Link to comment
Gena Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 What made it so easy for him to just use her like that and toss her aside if she was supposedly someone he had cared about? Well she made it easy for him. Two things she did wrong: 1. She went on a tv show to get back with an ex who already had a girlfriend. 2. She slept with him before resolving past issues that caused the breakup and getting a commitment. I had someone I cared about and we decided it was better to stop talking since I wanted a relationship and he didn't and it was too hard after that. It just has always been easy for him to not talk to me again; I've always been the one to reinitiate contact (I'm not going to do that...but sometimes, I guess, I wish that he did, alhtough other times I know its best that he doesn't). That tv show and your past relationship is like comparing apples to oranges. While they both have small similarities, it's still not the same. Reality TV people are nuts. As for your friend...you don't know for a fact that it wasn't hard on him either. Link to comment
Butterflygrl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Reality TV people are nuts. . lol. I needed that laugh. That just struck me funny. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 If the person we dated didn't affect us much, even if we cared for them as a friend, we can get over them quickly. Link to comment
Dani0613 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I firmly believe that this is what my ex gf is doing. Her step father died in April and in May she broke up with me. She's a child of multiple divorces and after his death, something inside of her changed. She said she needed to focus on herself and build a foundation for herself and could only do it ALONE. She said she doesnt want to be in love right now. We were together 1.5 years... Link to comment
Caterina Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 How does it come bubbling up to bite them in the rear later? Link to comment
Nixee Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 How does it come bubbling up to bite them in the rear later? On the small scale... A couple months ago I had a guy I was seeing just blow me off outta the blue... he just shut down and stopped talking to me... really frustrated me and confused me, because up until then he'd seemed to really like me. Then just a couple days ago I got a random message from him telling me that he missed me... that he knew it was his fault for shutting down, but he did just miss me and want to see me ..... I know that doesn't always happen. I certainly didn't plan on it, or didn't think it would happen... but it can. If someone really cares for someone else, they WILL feel the absense of you and think of you... whether or not they make contact. And it probably hurts. Link to comment
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