Umm...Am I getting jealous or....?

[aegis1314]

This problem had always existed ever since we got together a year ago. I think you could say it's another one of those problems with attention and time being spent together. It's kinda 'strange' coz sometimes i actually feel that i'm 'competing' for attention from my girlfriend with her 'best friends' (all of them being female). Her social circle's not as big (in comparasion) to mine, but she has a single 'best best friend' she's really close with.

 

I dunno why but i've always had the feeling that she always puts her 'best friends' priority before me ('best best friend' only in most cases), while actually it's the opposite for me. I've discussed this with her before but she doesn't admit this. I'm not expecting her to treat me the same as i treat her, but sometimes the time she spends with her friends is a lot more than the time she spends with me. Most of the time, she gives priority to her 'best friend'; like (after asking if she's like to spend time with me on a day) she'd say something like "i have to see whether Fion's planning to spend time with me first...". It gets really frustrating, especially when i usually have to adjust my time with my friends to suit hers. (maybe i've 'spoilt' her by being always seemingly ready for her when she needs me)

 

Some of my friends had suggested that maybe she isn't ready for serious committment to the relationship, coz they say she seems to prefer spending time with friends. Maybe it's something to do with her personality; she's the passive type, the type with few, but very close friends. Like most of the time when i call her out (when i'm sure her best friend's busy), i have to give a lot of reasons before she actually agrees to come out. This sounds really strange coz we've been together for nearly a year and a half already!

 

I'm not sure whether 'trust' would have anything to do with this problem, as her personality is kinda 'unique' in some aspects...maybe it's coz her family's kinda complicated and she often hear from her friends about guys cheating. She doesn't really trust guys (but do have a few male friends); she'd even admitted this before. She seems to put a lot of trust into her female friends, especially her 'best friend'. She has trust in me, but sometimes the difference seems so obvious in certain situations. For instance, i have to spend a lot of time trying 'convince' her to ride with me on my bike (which she refused) while all her best friend has to do was to say a few words. I'm not picking not small details here, but it's just simple reactions like these that you can see the amount of trust she has in me. Sometimes the relationship seems to be going nowhere coz of this.

 

Sometimes I know i shouldn't feel like this (my friends have told me to look on the bright side: the fact that she's spending time with female friends is better than her spending time with male friends), but resentment always starts to creep in. Most of the time, i can control my resentment to a certain extent, but then begins affecting the way i speak to her (and usually ends up in an argument). I've discussed this with her a lot of times, but she ends up being silent (hmm...part of her 'unique' personality?) and we end up going nowhere. The resentment usually builds up at times when she spends less time with me in comparison to her friends.

 

I'm not sure whether whatever i'm thinking is right or wrong. I mean, wouldn't anyone would want their own girlfriend/boyfriend to spend more time with themselves and feel respected and important by their boy/girlfriend? Or am i just being over-possessive?

 

Thanks~

 

PS. sorrie for my english...it's gotten a bit rusty ever since i came back to HK...

[enadevoli]

You shouldn't have to force your girlfriend to hang out with you. Especially if you have been together for that long. She's your gf, she's supposed to want to see you. I think that your friend was right when he said that shes probably not ready for a serious relationship. I think that you should try talking to her again & let her know how you feel about this. If she doesn't at least try to be better, then I don't think its worth trying with her anymore.

[QTpie87]

okay,

LIke my comments always are, go ahead and sit down to talk to her. don't get mad while you are doing this. let her know that it is normal to want to see her friends and that she should, but you should get time with her also. im not saying to take her from her friends, that is a huge no no because i did that in my last relationship and i will never hear the end of it. also i hogged my ex and he never really got to see his best friend, well he gets back from mexico and his best friend and a very good friend of mine dies. we both shoul have spent more time with him, expecally my ex. well she does need to spend more time with you alone though. so just talk to her, work it out to where somedays you hangout with your friends she hangs out with hers, you all hang out with eachother, and you two also have time to yourselfs. because just one of those is not a healthy relationship, you don't want too much time together, believe me, but sounds like you def. need more.

well pm me back and i'll help you more if you want -k-

bye,

love Qtpie87