aegis1314

hmm... i've been in a relationship since 2.5 years ago (still now) and my gf does this too it had been yesterday too (in middle of argument now) well mine's even worse she gets angry at me for being angry i'm at a loss to as what i can coz i've been going through the same stuff for the past 2.5 years and she KNOWS this too Dennis

This is kinda rushed 'cause I typed this up in the middle of work (it's a summer job) every now and then I had the time to slip in a few sentences. (Hadn't had the time to proofread either) It's a long story actually, but to make it short...I've been together with my girlfriend for 2 years and although we've been going through arguments every now and then, we both love each other very much. We've had breakups during these 2 years, but everytime we've got back together again. (What comes next might sound kinda strange, because we're both living in Hong Kong...and my language might sound strange too) Anyway there was always this problem of her having not enough of her personal space and myself always having most of my own life revolving around her; and our short tempers. I kinda lack self confidence and this led to a lot of problems as I was being really sensitive to the slightest chances that she might leave me for someone else. There have been times which I'd held on tighter 'cause of the 'paranoia' and which created further problems. I'm aware of the problems that are present, but I'd never really been able to find ways to overcome them. Another problem I have is that I can get myself really absorbed in a relationship, so much that a lot of my focus shifts over to her and I kinda forget about my own needs and social life. On the other hand, she has a really close 'best friend' and new group of friends she knew from work. (She's the type that puts her focus more on friends than boyfriend.) Well, anyway, she studies in a girl's school and she hasn't much of a chance to meet other guys. We're in the middle of the summer holidays right now and she's got this summer job that she's been working for about 2 months. I got a little suspicious when she started acting strange everytime I suggested picking her up from work. Maybe in a way I kinda made her felt uncomfortable when I held tighter everytime I felt something was wrong. She's told me less about her life and she has started to hide some things as well, so I think it wouldn't come as a surprise that I'd become suspicious. I kinda have a problem with depression and there have been several occasions I'd feel really down (after how she treats me, like refusing to answer my calls, SMS, ICQ, etc) I've even tried suicide before once when I felt really hurt. Anyway, a month ago, I nearly did that in front of her and it kinda scared her. Since that day, her feelings for me kinda faded and she started treating me strange, like caring less about me. It finally blew up after several weeks, and after a short 'episode' and a lot of persuasion, she'd finally told me what was making her feelings towards me fade - she felt I had seemed to have become someone so horrifying ('cause of suicide) and that made her really scared. We had a chat about that afterwards and I had said I'll seek help, professional or not. The relationship improved a bit after that, but she still seemed a bit reluctant to disclose some things about her life, especially those that involve her friends and her colleagues at work. I didn't force her to tell me about them though. The relationship remained a bit fragile until last week we just blew up again over a small problem. Actually it was I who got really mad at first as she'd suddenly decided to leave HK for a 2-day trip with her friend when before she'd promised me a few days out. The problem sounds like a childish reason to blow up on, but there had been a lot of things that have made me kinda angry before. The numerous reasons (that made me angry) had me thinking of a REAL breakup, but I guess I had been acting out of impulse. Anyway, she got mad at me and I'd suggested let's break, this time seriously. She did seem sort of reluctant at that time; I could see she was a bit unprepared for a break up before.. I sounded really serious then though. But as her HKCEE Exam results (i think that equivalent to the SAT exams?) are going to be released next week (she gets really nervous over her academic results, she's the type that has nightmares about them every night since a week before the results release) she said she doesn't want to be 'distracted' at this time, i.e. save the breakups till later. I'd said alright, we'll have a serious talk (and break up) after the results release. Of course once I'd calmed down after a few days, I realised that deep down I really love her had only acted out of impulse. What I really wanted was some time alone, away from her so that I can 'fix my life' and be myself again (stop myself from being so paranoid worrying about her, the paranoia was really ruining me...and find a solution to this depression problem); or a rest, maybe for a week or two, but I still want to stay together. I've got this online diary that only she and I has access to, and it's a 'passive' way of communicating between us. She still reads it everyday. I'd posted a message a few days ago saying (in an indirect way) that I want some time to rest and fix my life. I'm not sure whether she's got the wrong message that I want to break though...I've decided to set things straight, but not sure how. I'm not sure whether she's mad at me or hurt. What should I do now? I've phoned her once and she sounded really cool, so I assume she's mad. Should I have No Contact for the time being until next week (results) when she would be free for a 'serious chat'? I realised that this is the time she would need me most, coz of the results release...so should I continue contacting her? Should I continue posting messages in my diary during this No Contact period? If yes, should I just post stuff that's going on in my life or just my feelings towards her? Should I post a message saying clearly that I want some time to rest to 'fix myself'? Or should I totally disappear for the time being? (but then, if this is the time she needs me most) For some reason I feel that after the results release (she'll have no problems with her results I'm sure) she'll be able to get over her feelings for me (she's good at suppressing them) and probably wouldn't want to stay together then (especially now that she spends time everyday with her new friends).

This problem had always existed ever since we got together a year ago. I think you could say it's another one of those problems with attention and time being spent together. It's kinda 'strange' coz sometimes i actually feel that i'm 'competing' for attention from my girlfriend with her 'best friends' (all of them being female). Her social circle's not as big (in comparasion) to mine, but she has a single 'best best friend' she's really close with. I dunno why but i've always had the feeling that she always puts her 'best friends' priority before me ('best best friend' only in most cases), while actually it's the opposite for me. I've discussed this with her before but she doesn't admit this. I'm not expecting her to treat me the same as i treat her, but sometimes the time she spends with her friends is a lot more than the time she spends with me. Most of the time, she gives priority to her 'best friend'; like (after asking if she's like to spend time with me on a day) she'd say something like "i have to see whether Fion's planning to spend time with me first...". It gets really frustrating, especially when i usually have to adjust my time with my friends to suit hers. (maybe i've 'spoilt' her by being always seemingly ready for her when she needs me) Some of my friends had suggested that maybe she isn't ready for serious committment to the relationship, coz they say she seems to prefer spending time with friends. Maybe it's something to do with her personality; she's the passive type, the type with few, but very close friends. Like most of the time when i call her out (when i'm sure her best friend's busy), i have to give a lot of reasons before she actually agrees to come out. This sounds really strange coz we've been together for nearly a year and a half already! I'm not sure whether 'trust' would have anything to do with this problem, as her personality is kinda 'unique' in some aspects...maybe it's coz her family's kinda complicated and she often hear from her friends about guys cheating. She doesn't really trust guys (but do have a few male friends); she'd even admitted this before. She seems to put a lot of trust into her female friends, especially her 'best friend'. She has trust in me, but sometimes the difference seems so obvious in certain situations. For instance, i have to spend a lot of time trying 'convince' her to ride with me on my bike (which she refused) while all her best friend has to do was to say a few words. I'm not picking not small details here, but it's just simple reactions like these that you can see the amount of trust she has in me. Sometimes the relationship seems to be going nowhere coz of this. Sometimes I know i shouldn't feel like this (my friends have told me to look on the bright side: the fact that she's spending time with female friends is better than her spending time with male friends), but resentment always starts to creep in. Most of the time, i can control my resentment to a certain extent, but then begins affecting the way i speak to her (and usually ends up in an argument). I've discussed this with her a lot of times, but she ends up being silent (hmm...part of her 'unique' personality?) and we end up going nowhere. The resentment usually builds up at times when she spends less time with me in comparison to her friends. I'm not sure whether whatever i'm thinking is right or wrong. I mean, wouldn't anyone would want their own girlfriend/boyfriend to spend more time with themselves and feel respected and important by their boy/girlfriend? Or am i just being over-possessive? Thanks~ PS. sorrie for my english...it's gotten a bit rusty ever since i came back to HK...