having a REALLY hard time tonight, could use some advice.

[mick8888]

my ex girlfriend (we've basically been broken up for 3-4 months but have still been living together) FINALLY found a new apartment today and it looks like she's moving out of here and into there next week. we'd been together for 3 years and living together for about 2.5 years, and ever since all this turmoil started in the fall (she broke up with me) i've been hoping that she would move out.

 

but now that the day is pretty much here, i'm feeling really bad tonight ... she seems so happy to be starting a new life, which i guess is understandable -- it's been pretty stressful living together the past 4 months and being broken up ... but still, the whole thing is really hitting me hard, the finality of it. i KNOW that it's over, there is really no chance of us getting back together, the relationship has run its course. but i'm still not over her in a weird way ... i just really miss when things were good (even though that seems like a LONG time ago), because we had a really tight and special and unique bond, unlike one i've ever had (and i've had a couple long term relationships). i'm just really having a hard time letting go right now, despite all the things i know i need to do (go to the gym, hang with friends, focus on work/hobbies) ... it's just still this dark cloud of sadness and regret hanging over me, basically like someone died -- that's how i view the demise of this relationship -- and i know i can never get back to it. i've been angry for so long -- bitter and resentful at her, but that part of it i'm starting to let go because it's counterproductive, but the sadness and depression remains. maybe just knowing that there are people out there who understand might make me feel better. definitely, reading through all the posts has helped a little bit. but i just need to know what i can do on nights like tonight when these feelings are overwhelming and i cant push them out of my head. should i just go to bed and try to sleep it away? should i just watch tv or read a book? i SO dont feel like going out, and i dont really even have any friends in this town to do that with. i dunno. it's just a real lonely, upsetting existence right now....

[vaguero915]

Remember the last time you felt this way when the last relationship ended? Just think of it this way, you got over it. It is hard at first, I KNOW, but just focus on the future and you will realize that things happen for a reason. Your last relationship prior to this one ended, you moved on and met another girl. Now this one has ended and eventually you will meet someone new. Circle of life.

[Boromir]

Hey bro. I feel what u are going through. I am still trying to get over a lot of old feelings even though I know it is over with my ex too. It sucks. It feels lonely, hopeless, and kills our ego and self-esteem.

 

my ex girlfriend (we've basically been broken up for 3-4 months but have still been living together) FINALLY found a new apartment today and it looks like she's moving out of here and into there next week. we'd been together for 3 years and living together for about 2.5 years, and ever since all this turmoil started in the fall (she broke up with me) i've been hoping that she would move out.

 

That really sucks that it didn't work out. I was with my ex for 4 years and I wanted to live together real bad. I thought it would be great. Something spooked her and it is one of the things that broke us up. I guess it was better to do that than see it all go to hell while we lived together if that was the way it was going to be. I know you are going through a lot, and it actually may get worse when she finally moves her stuff out.

 

but now that the day is pretty much here, i'm feeling really bad tonight ... she seems so happy to be starting a new life, which i guess is understandable -- it's been pretty stressful living together the past 4 months and being broken up ...

 

Yeah, I kind of understand both sides here. There is relief when something isn't going to stress you anymore. . . at the same time she is the one leaving you. . .

 

but still, the whole thing is really hitting me hard, the finality of it. i KNOW that it's over, there is really no chance of us getting back together, the relationship has run its course. but i'm still not over her in a weird way ... i just really miss when things were good (even though that seems like a LONG time ago), because we had a really tight and special and unique bond, unlike one i've ever had (and i've had a couple long term relationships).

 

I had the same with mine, and it is sad when it goes away. I thought the world of my ex, cause when the times where good, they were phenominal, but the reality, we have both changed and not only am I not the same person as I was back then, but she definitely isn't, and my 'old' ex is never coming back. She is even dating someone else now and for awhile it bothered me thinking he was getting what I used to, but I think that he is getting something else. She isn't the same and I wonder what she has to give now. Who knows? Maybe he's getting it better. The important thing is that she was no longer giving it to me.

 

You are in the same situation. It is okay to remember the good times. You enjoyed them. But as hard as it is to hear this, those are memories now, and not what is going on now. I know you know that, but separate the two, because she porbably isn't capable of going back to giving you all that if she wanted to. I don't know what happened that separated you two, but it you know that is is over, so is what she used to give you. . .

 

i'm just really having a hard time letting go right now, despite all the things i know i need to do (go to the gym, hang with friends, focus on work/hobbies) ... it's just still this dark cloud of sadness and regret hanging over me, basically like someone died -- that's how i view the demise of this relationship -- and i know i can never get back to it.

 

I understand this too. I fell apart. Both times we broke up. I felt so pathetic. I let go of just about everything, ran up credit cards I am still trying to pay off, didn't eat well, drank a lot, and that just made my problems worse. It is okay to neglect some things for while, but please stay focused on the important things, like your job, eating right, and staying away from drugs and alcohol for the moment at least. Not taking care of yourself will screw up the chemicals in your brain, and believe me, you make bad decisions. Trust me on this one. Stay focused, make lists of things you have to do and challenge yourself to get off your ass and get them done. Even if it is mundane, keep moving.

 

i've been angry for so long -- bitter and resentful at her, but that part of it i'm starting to let go because it's counterproductive, but the sadness and depression remains.

 

I am very angry too. My ex hasn't called me in a long time to not even check to see how I am doing. After 4 years and I dont even get that. I guess I owe her cause I really dont want to talk to her, I guess it is just the principle. It is counterproductive though, and she is getting much more from me than she deserves by just thinking about her.

 

maybe just knowing that there are people out there who understand might make me feel better. definitely, reading through all the posts has helped a little bit.

 

Not to make what you and I are going through as inconsiquential, but many many billions have gone through this before, unfortunately for all of them. They also got through it. We will too. It sucks right now cause my brain is all screwed up with random thoughts on what happened, but this is what is meant to be. . .

 

but i just need to know what i can do on nights like tonight when these feelings are overwhelming and i cant push them out of my head. should i just go to bed and try to sleep it away? should i just watch tv or read a book? i SO dont feel like going out, and i dont really even have any friends in this town to do that with. i dunno. it's just a real lonely, upsetting existence right now....

 

Well, I can tell you what has helped me: enotalone. Here is why:

 

I have an excellent family and good friends to talk too, and they are very supportive considering how many times I have said the same things over and over again. It is kind of ironic that I went through all this and fell apart like I did becuase I used to be everyone's pillar of strength. I used to talk mad shit about what everyone needed to do and so on. I gave good advice, and people really appreciated it. Well, I was really embarrassed when I found I couldn't stand up for myself and let go, or get over heardache for someone that didn't deserve me.

 

So one day I randomly found enotalone and was floored cause I never heard of it, and I was moved by what everyone was going through. I mean, you can really feel people's pain here, and there are thankfully many people here to help. I refused to talk to a professional when I should have, but I posted what was bothering me and got some excellent advice. I think I wouldn't have gotten this far without it.

 

Anyway, after a few posts of my problems, I actually had something to say about what other people were going through, so I offered by opinion and some advice, something I haven't done in a very long time.

 

Until enotalone, I felt like no one would take me seriously cause everyone say how I lost it, yet now I use what I went though and learned as a way to offer advice to others. If I hadn't gone through what I went through, I wouldn't be here helping you.

 

So, as a way to pass some time, try ready what people are writing and maybe you have something to offer them. I am sure you do, you have been through a lot. Helping others is very theraputic. It also gets your confidence back.

 

Give it a shot. In the meantime stay focused on what you need to do like your job and paying rent. Force yourself to eat. And, keep your chin up.

 

Also look around. There are lots, I mean lots of women out there. Something like 3 billion I think.

 

Good luck!

[stuckonlex]

I know exactly what ur going through, me and my ex lived together for 2 years and then we broke up and she still lived with me for 2 months until she got her own place. I was looking forward to her moving out and then when the day came i just really dreaded. I know that ur probably going through hell rate now, trust me ive been there and it feels like nothing u do will make u feel better. All i can tell u is what i did, through these timess, i defiantly didn't feel like going out so i just stayed home which made things worse. But if ur going to stay home, watch comedys read a book do what ever makes u feel better ( i took about 6 hot relaxing showers a day) i did anything to keep me busy. One thing i can tell u is things will defiantly get better that is a guarantee. Just hang in there and try to be strong. One thing you might want to do is think of all the stuff u can do now that ur single and with her gone that you couldn't do when she was around. (me and my ex didn't share the same taste in movies) so i went and rented all the movies that she ever said "na i don't really like that actor" or same with food.

Just hang in there and atleast u know that ur not alone there are people going through the same thing as u, and there is an end to it at some point.

[nathanintoronto]

Wow man, I feel your pain...it seems you posted this a while agao, how's it been going? It is so cliche but you'll be alright, i say this because I feel like i have the right considering everyone is saying that to me. I just lost someone really special to me (my g/f) of three years and it kills right now, i didn't even see it coming. The only thing i can say is this is what is helping me cope...think of a relationship in the past other than the one you're grieving now. Now try to recollect how you at one time felt so stronglyt for that person and how you're ok with it now. Do that with the understanding you'll be alright with the current situation, and that everything you're experiencing now is totally normal and legitimate, good luck to you buddy,

[sueblue]

Hi,

 

I read your post and I really have to say WHOA! I can not imagine what that would be like.But I would like to offer you a little knowledge about what I have learned in trying to get your strength and guilty feelings together if you don't mind. First I read this book How to fall out of love. This book gives you the ability to focus on yourself and regain your strength. Guilt well that's a matter of opinion I pray to god to forgive me.I bet she feels bad for things to and is handling it different than you.I was in a eight year relationship and living with him ,then one day he said it was over. It's been three months and I have not contacted him even though all of my things are still there. The positive is I have my health and my job and a place to live and if you think about it you have positive things in your life now to.Please if you have time read that book it was a gift in disguise! I think you have a great inner strength in you and can overcome this.How do you eat an elelphant? One bite at a time my friend.

Try to take it day by day ,hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[sleepers]

The advices given to this post are awesome! very true, and truly from the heart of people. I have been reading the posts here for quite some time and i appreciate the times when people replied my posting and i try to work on it at times.

 

Right now i would say that call a few friends up, meet them up for a dinner or a drink or something. It feels horrible because she's no longer there anymore. But i guess there's something special in everyone that will attract another person again.

 

You might need to take some time to heal. Aft that some time taken to heal, its time to get on with life. IF you really feel awful living in this current apartment of urs cos of the memories stuck in it, rent a new one. It will prob do good for your healing process. IF you can afford it, take some cash out, do some bagpacking to countries you have always wanted to see. Dat's the best. Cos travelling alone to other unfamiliar places makes u appreciate life, ur family and urself more. I never believed more in it until my first true relationship fell apart. i bought an air ticket, flew to perth. i spent one of the best times there. Became a better person in the end.

 

Now when i am trying to get over my 2nd relationship, i tried to do the same thing. But i got involved in an accident and for that, i have permanent scars on my leg. So, it really depends if the trip will turn out good or bad.

 

On nights u r bored, read posts from here. It might make you feel better. Hope you r doing better tonight.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Wow I know how you feel man..My ex broke up with me 5 months ago and moved out about 2 weeks after we broke up.It wasn't months after like you but I still hurt when she finally found a new place and the day she moved all her stuff out....The worse part was that she started dating someone 2 weeks after we broke up and still is...Anyways...that's my problem....

Try to go out friends or co-workers more often now.Take a vacation and do all the things that you like that your ex didn't... I know it's hard as I am still healing now after 5 months but try to keep busy and come to this site for advice when you need it. Another way and some people might disagree but start trying to meet women as soon as you can. Dating goes a long way for your self esteem when you've just broken up with someone and who knows you may find your soulmate in doing do..

Good luck