stuckonlex

I know exactly where ur coming from, when me and my ex broke up i couldn't breath, eat, sleep i ended up loosing the best job i ever had because i was so messed up. The best thing to do is not to call her write her or anything brake all convo. If she happens to call, act really busy and keep the call short. When my ex started seeing someone else i didn't call. Which helped me get over her that much quicker. When ever i did think about her i would think about all the bad stuff and how that guy would have to deal with it from now on and not me. Just hang in there time will heal. Trust me ive been through what you have and thought it would never get better. You should try dating if possible, or atleast hang out with girls. Hang in there bud P.S. Im from ottawa, u have to enjoy California on my behalf since winters coming up soon. Don't let that sunshine go to waste

who ever told you that if you quit your chances of getting lung cancer will increase rather then you still smoking, was probably working for the tobaco company at the time. Like the others said ur chances of getting lung cancer will be greatly reduced if u quit now instead of keep smoking.

all i can say is that i really hope things work out for you and that god be with you. I'm not very relegious but after reading your story i know there has to be something that is looking out for you and that soon you will see that this is for the best and that the worst is over. Below is another post that i read today that will help you to stop thinking negatively hopefully. Start by identifying the type of thought you need to change. For example, if you are obsessed with your ex, it would be all thoughts about your ex. If you have low self-esteem, it would be all negative, denigrating thoughts about yourself. If you worry too much about something, it would be every time you have an anxious thought about that issue. If you have sexual obsessions, it would be every time you think about sex or at least that unhealthy obsession. 2) When you get one of those thoughts, say, "Stop It!" to yourself. (Not out loud, unless you want to get arrested!) Then say the opposite of whatever is bothering you. Phrase it in the most positive, uplifting way. For example, if you get a thought like, "I miss my ex so much; I'll never be happy again," you say, "Stop It! I can be happy with someone else and I will be." If you get a thought like, "He didn't love me, and no one will ever love me again," you say, "Stop it! I am lovable, and I will find someone compatible who will love me just as much as I love him." If you're trying to study and getting a thought like, "It's useless,"you say, "Stop It! I'm going to do my best and I will focus now." If you get a thought like, "I wonder what she's like in bed," you say, "Stop it! I like her as a complete person."Be careful that the replacement thought is positive and uplifting, and remember to say it after the, "Stop It!" In other words, don't just stop the thought - replace it with that positive, uplifting thought. Otherwise, you are just thinking negatively. 3) Then turn your attention to what you are doing, if you are doing something important (e.g., writing checks). If you aren't doing anything that requires concentration (e.g., doing something mechanical or semi-automatic like washing dishes or driving a car), have a positive fantasy that does not remind you of what you are trying to forget (e.g., plan your day, plan some project you're working on, have a passive fantasy about floating down the river on a raft). Be sure it's a positive, healthy fantasy and does not remind you of whatever it is you're trying to forget. 4) Calmly repeat this process every time you get one of your unhealthy thoughts. 5) In the beginning, you will find that you're thinking your unhealthy thought for awhile before you catch yourself. However, as you continue to practice this technique, you will get faster at catching yourself. In addition, in the beginning, after you stop the thought, it will return again. You'll be in the middle of your fantasy, and there it will be! However, the more your practice the technique, you will be able to keep the thought away longer and longer, until one day you suddenly realize that you have forgotten ____ (whatever was the problem). That is the nature of the technique; in order to truly notice that it has worked, you have to "remember" that you once had difficulty with it, but then you forgot it! 6) One caution: Every psychological technique can be used in an inappropriate way, or at an inappropriate time, to make it unhealthy, rather than healthy. For example, if you use this technique to forget about paying your bills, it's not healthy! Or if you use it to avoid feeling guilty about having an affair, it's not good. Basically, use the technique to cease bthoughts that are unhealthy or pathological for you, so that you can behave in healthy, productive, ethical ways. Do not use it to become more unethical, unhealthy or pathological. 7) Also, don't use the thought-stopping to completely avoid taking positive behavioral action that can help you. For example, besides stopping thoughts about your ex, send in that Photopersonal, or join that introduction service, so you can find someone compatible in the future. And if you're constantly worrying about bills, make up a workable budget — some solution that will solve the problem in the future. There are times when you can use the technique to temporarily stop a thought because you have taken whatever action you can, and have put it on your "Things to Do" List (which you do consult!). If there isn't anything you can do about it now, worrying and obsessing about it is unproductive. If it's midnight and you're in bed worrying about something you can't take care of tonight, get up and write it down; then go to bed and use the thought-stopping so you can fall asleep and be well-rested tomorrow.

will you ever forget the pain that she caused you, no not unless you get amnesia or something. You won't think about the pain all the time but there will be times that you will remember and that you will feel anger and hurt for what she did. You may end up subconscioulsly or consciouly causing her the same pain in some point in time in retaliation for what she did. The ultimate question is she worth all of this? Is she worth the small chance of you guys getting back together completely and making things work for a long time. My advise is think worst case scenario that things don't work out and that you end up in the same spot in the next 6 months. If your still willing to give things a shot after accepting that you may have to go through this all again then go for it. As for the trust, that will take a while to build back up (may take years even) it can take a life time to build trust but just a second to break it. Best of luck in no matter what u do.

ur the only one that can say if ur ready or not for this kind of thing. From my past experience and as many other people on this site will say. I would be doing great with out my ex feeling fine, hardly thinking of her (or atleast not every 2 secounds) and i would feel like i was finally move on. But as soon as i saw her or talked to her on the phone i went straight back to square one. I don't know about u but if i saw the woman i love with her new boy toy it would stab me in the heart. I say go to the concert if you can completely ignore her for the entire night and you don't have to say anything to her besides "Hey". But if you are going to be within 10 feet of her for the entire night, don't go otherwise you won't see the show anyways all you will do is look at her for most of the night and think crazy stuff. Good luck bud,

if u can't trust her then there can be no relationship at all and it would be best to move on. But if you think you could trust her then give it the relationship another shot. I'm working out trust issues with my ex rate now and where slowly starting to build up our relationship again. However rate now i can't trust her because shes lied to me so many times in the past (but im giving her a third chance). I say don't trust her rate now, make her earn your trust back, never give ur trust to someone that hasn't earned it.

that is the question isn't, what do i want? Well i can easily say that im really confused. On one hand i think would could make things work, and things would be great with us. On the other hand im not sure if i could ever trust her again because she cheated on me and i feel that she wouldn't put 1 tenth of effort into the relationship as i would. Everybody tells me to move on that i could do better. What i want is what we had before all the stuff happened and if i was certain we had a 50% chance of getting that i the i would no where to go but thats the thing i have no idea what shes thinking or doing (she can say one thing but mean something else, below is an email that she sent be just before we where going to go for a break. (she wrote it while i was at her place trying to sleep 2 feet away from her) hey baby, this break isn't going to be easy on either of us. Just want you to be patient with me, i don't know what i want and i hope you can understand that, if u meet some hot girl, you can do whatever you want, i just really don't want to hear it ok? im driving you insane with this typing, you just gave me the dirtiest little look, lol, Love you monkey. I don't know what is going to happen, but no matter what, just know that i love you a ridiculous amount, and i always will. Take care of yourself monkey, i worry. Love you baby. xox

ok quick recap, me and my ex broke up after 2 years of being together last november i had commitment issues during the beginning of the relationship, and it basically ended when she was confused and she cheated on me (we where broken up but she was still living at my house). So when she moved out i was heart broken, going through hell and was really needy and would always call and every now and then just snap on her. We tried doing the no contact a couple of times usually i wouldn't call and she would call and say whats up or call at 3 in the morn to have me go over and cuddle. For example at the beginning of feb she wanted to take a month off because she had midterms and wanted to figure stuff out. The break lasted about 2 days until she called and we got to gether almost every second night. Then same thing at the beginning of this month she wanted to take a break to figure stuff out because she thought we where getting to close (i thouhgt it was good too because i was going to use it to get over her) the reason was because i keep thinking she will never get back together and she will just keep using me as a crutch until she finds someone else. Rate now she is going through a tuff time, basically she moved out of her old place last weekend because her roomates (one in particular) was being a jerk so i moved her stuff out for her last friday to a new place, and this new place has so many rules (like no friends over without a day notice, no sleep overs, and its more expensive then she thought) so i will be helping her move out this friday again to a new apartment that will be great. Well she slept over at my place a couple of times this week and last night we cuddled as usuall and we still say i love u(i have the will power only to say it when she says it). Today she got a nice job in the gov't part time and she is also going to college. The thing rate now is she doesn't have that many friends she has her best friend and she has me (she doesn't like that many people). So im thinking shes only seeing me because she doesn't have anyone else. So im thinking since she starting to go to school on a regular basis and the fact that shes starting a new job, that she will be meeting alot of new people, that she will probably move on and forget about me. Rate now she tells me that she loves me and stuff like that i haven't asked her where we are going or are we going to get back together or anything like that. Last night she told me that her mom was nagging her why don't you get back with him u guys are so good together and stuff like that, i know her best friend thinks we should get back and her brother is rutting for me. I told her last night that she didn't need me in her life and she said whatever keep telling urself (basically that she does). So rate now i feel like where on the verge of either getting back together or where on the verge of going our separate ways. Either way i think i will be ok with whatever happens. I have been following alot of advise and going out hanging out with friends meeting new people and gone on one or 2 dates. So rate now i just feel we are doing good because she has nobody else and as soon as she does get a life back she won't want me around anymore. Not really looking for answer i guess just putting stuff out there

can you be in love at 13? Yes you can be but at that age it would be easy to confuse a crush or infatuation with love. And after 5 or 6 movies they can be considered in a loving relationship? again NO, it may seem like a good relationship but thats it. I defiantly don't think your friend is in love, i think that he might have a big crush on them and love hanging out with them and he may think he is in love but i guarantee he is not in love. But this stuff is all probably new to him at this age, just wait tell you get older the feelings get more and more intense with age and with the length that your with someone. I also think your friend may be into the idea of getting into a loving relationship, is there any reason why he would feel the NEED (not want to but needs) to be in a loving relationship with someone? maybe filling in a void for something else?

i'm going through the same thing with my ex, so i can't give you advise but i sure would like to hear an answer to your question.

I completely agree with the post before, this decision is up to you and no matter which one you make you will have to live with forever. ( I know it can be over whelming). Just listen to your heart and do whatever you think would be best for yourself and for the baby if you did choose to have it. My ex had a mis carraige this really affected her and our relationship, so if you do plan on having an abortion be prepared for some emotional loss. If you do keep the baby think about how much you would have to devote to the child and then times it by 10, and you will have to sacrifice alot of your future for the child. Really ask yourself if you will be bring this child into a good world (the one you will be providing). If you don't want to get an abortion for whatever reason, but you can't picture yourself providing a good home for this child, please consider giving it up for adoption(i'm sure there are many people up there that would give it a good home.) Best of luck and i hope everything will work out good for you.

One question is this guy usually stubborn, i mean when he sets his mind to something is that it. The best thing you can do rate now is no contact tell him that you shouldn't see eachother for awhile. This will do two things, it will eaither make him realize that he does love you (it sounds like he does) and needs you in his life or it will make it easier for you to move on. Hang in there i know its tuff, because im going through a bad break up rate now to.

Ok if anybody has seen my earlier post i have been broken up with my ex for about 3 months now and we are just now doing the whole no contact thing for a whole month. Yesterday was the first day and well it didn't go to good. She called me up because she was bored (it was the first day), and wanted to chat we chatted for a bit and i told her that this is breaking the no contact rule (which she initiated) and she said well hang up then but of coarse i didn't so we just had small chit chat and that was it. So then later on that night i went to the chyro for my back and guess who i bump into afterwards her of coarse. So then i went and said hello and i was going to go to the bank with her (it was in walking distance) and then we run into her brother and i guess the girl he just started seeing again, chatted with them for about 15 min adn then went to her bank. And then by this time we where both starving so we went and had supper together. After dinner we went back to her plus i stopped by for about 20 min for the food to settle gave a foot message and then left. So our first day of official no contact really went bad. Well today i woke up feeling great but as the day goes by i feel worse and worse. I defiantly don't want to initiate contact with her but i told her that we could still chat on MSN everynow and then. Luckily i don't use it at work and at home most nights i don't even want to look at a computer screen since i look at one all day at work. Not really looking for advise because i know what to do, NO CONTACT at all or got start over again. And i know things will get better and the pain will faid with time. Just wanted to put this message out there to let others know that there are alot of people out there going through the same thing as them, and also this site is really helping me sort out some of my feelings so wanted to say thx.

My ex wanted to keep me around and also wanted to have an open relationship. I told her that she can't have both theres no way that i could stick around knowing that she would sleep with any guy and not feel any guilt over doing that to me. I have to be strong and move on from her, its honestly the hardest thing i have ever had to do. This site is great though really like all the post that people are putting on here. THE EX is simply not worth the headache.

Rate know me and my ex who dated for 2 years and have been broken up for 3 months now are finally doing the no contact for a whole month. And today is day 1. When we first broke up we would see eachother once a week and hang out and then it started that we would spend more time together, like last week i spent everynight over at her place. Last night she tells me that we shouldn't see eachother for a month. Which i agree with, and i suggested no chatting at all. We both love eachother very much but, shes is really confused about where she is headed and she doesn't want to have a boyfirend rate now she wants to be independent and free. I was her first and she wants to see other people(not date but she would sleep withother guys). I guess i understand that she rate now wants to be independent, she used to live at home with her parents and then moved straight in with me. So I don't blame her for wanting to be on her own and to want to see what else is out there, i understand what shes doing, but that doesn't mean i like it. So we spent either our last night together fighting or holding eachother all night. I love her very much and she loves me just as much. But rate now we wouldn't work together and were both want different things. I want a relationship, and she can't give me that kind of committment. I'm alot stronger now since when we first broke up, but now today i don't know if its because im going on 2 hrs of sleep, but i feel like The idea of not seeing or talking her for the next month is really scaring me and i feel so broken down. I have been reading this site enough to know that this feeling will go away and that this is part of the healing process, but that doesn't make me feel anybetter. I just wish that love could be simple for once, i wish, i wish so much. Not really asking for advise but i guess i just needed to put these feelings out there.

the relationship she had with this other guy obviously sounds like a rebound realtionship that went really bad. You guys where together for 5 years and if she was seeing this guy at the end of the relationship she probably wanted to see what was out there and when she did find out she didn't like it. So rate now she's drawn back to you because your safe to be with and she feels at homes in your arms. The questions you should ask yourself is the following. Can you forgive her for being with this other guy??? and why is she coming back to you, is it for support and once shes stronger is she going to move on, or is she going to come back to you?? If this girl is worth the heart ache then i say bet it all on her coming back but if shes not worth it, be strong and move on. Defiantly ask her why she wanted to spend the night with you. Don't pressure her into anything or else she will run as fast as possible, but defiantly ask her what she expects from you. I myself have spent a couple of nights with my ex and at the beginning it was just to cuddle and now we have been getting intimate together so that could change for you.

I'm going through the same thing with my ex rate know. I know that we are not good together and that there is someone better out there for me. But at the same point i really can't stand the thought of her being with anybody else, just thinking about that makes me sick. One thing to think about is this feeling is suppose to go away or atleast not bug you as much in the future. When i think about my other ex's i hope that they have found someone else that treats them right. All i can say is when these thoughts come in your head think about something else. For me i always try to keep busy and if that doesn't work i sing a song in my head as load as possible and try to drown out these thoughts with a song (it may sound crazy but it works). Anyways hang in there i know exactly what your going through.

K i've gone through all the steps that i think im suppose to on this site except for letting go. I've been giving her, her space(even though she calls me up sometimes to go and hang out and sleep over). I've forgiven her for the things that she has done to me and i have forgiven myself for the things that i have done in the relationship. We where dating for 2 years have been broken up for about 3 months (she moved out nov 20th). The thing is we both still love eachother but we both no that where not right for eachother. She says that she needs to be alone and she would like to date other people (or if someone came along she would like to have the option to date them). So we have been apart for a while and she has had guys sleep over at her place (well one guy that is like a best bud) she says that nothing happened. When she told me that this other guy slept over i got insanly jealous and was asking like 20 questions. Meanwhile i've been seeing someone else for about a week now. So i guess the question is how do i let her go and stop getting mad when i find out shes hanging out with other guys or some guy sleeps over. I mean i started to think about all my ex's and them being with someone else and i though"good for them i hope they have found someone new" but with my resent ex. I basically never want her to find anyone else or be with anyone else(which is totaly unrealistic). So please i need help on letting her completely go... (i almost feel like a phsyco thinking if she can't be with me she shouldn't be with anyone else)

I know exactly what ur going through, me and my ex lived together for 2 years and then we broke up and she still lived with me for 2 months until she got her own place. I was looking forward to her moving out and then when the day came i just really dreaded. I know that ur probably going through hell rate now, trust me ive been there and it feels like nothing u do will make u feel better. All i can tell u is what i did, through these timess, i defiantly didn't feel like going out so i just stayed home which made things worse. But if ur going to stay home, watch comedys read a book do what ever makes u feel better ( i took about 6 hot relaxing showers a day) i did anything to keep me busy. One thing i can tell u is things will defiantly get better that is a guarantee. Just hang in there and try to be strong. One thing you might want to do is think of all the stuff u can do now that ur single and with her gone that you couldn't do when she was around. (me and my ex didn't share the same taste in movies) so i went and rented all the movies that she ever said "na i don't really like that actor" or same with food. Just hang in there and atleast u know that ur not alone there are people going through the same thing as u, and there is an end to it at some point.

in my opinon you have no entered the Gay friend phase of the relationship (not that there anything wrong with being gay) but the point is she sees obsulutly no interest in you in the sexuall way. I know its tough to be in love with someone and want them so bad and all they see in you is a really good friend. Basically what u should do is just accept the fact that you to will never get back together again.

Your last question was how can i prove my love to him, he knows that you love him with all your heart thats why he keeps doing what hes doing. Because he know you love him and that he is your whole life, because that is what he has made your life to be by stopping you from seeing friends and going out and having fun. He has made it so the only time you feel special is when your around him, and even then you feel like crap. Listen i just got out of bad relationship myself, my ex girlfriend was a real something. She would constantly put me down in front of my friends, i would say im going out for the night, she would complain and make me feel guitly so i wouldn't go. Even when i was going to see my brother for one night that i haven't seen in a year she pulled a guilt trip and made me feel like i was abanding her. So trust me i know when we broke up i felt like my whole life was gone, because basically it was slowly but steadily she took over all of my life and my time. So when we broke up i had no friends left and basically no life because my whole life was devoted to her. And the really sad thing was after we broke up i still wanted her back and i thought i couldn't live with out her. So my advise to you is GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!!!!! You have to get out of this relationship before you get stuck to this guy more then you are now, when you brake up with him you may feel really really bad and want to get back with him, BUT DON"T if you can avoid all contact with him. If you need someone to talk to there alot of people on this site that can give good advise. Trust me a month or so after the relationship is over you will look back and you will look at yourself and think how could I have been like that with that guy, how could i have acted like that. So please get out of this relationship, The real question you should be asking is how can I love mysefl for being with this guy.

First off i would like to thank everybody on this site it has really helped me alot with my break up and to realize that there is a future without her there. When i first found this site i was at basic ground zero I was at the lowest point of my life, my ex had just moved her stuff out of my place and my life seemed to be over. The one thing that might be different from my relationship and everyone elses (or at least most) is that the girl i was with i new she was not the one from me. All my friends didn't like her and the first thing they said after meeting her was (why are you with her, you can do so much better) but i kept telling myself that "they don't know her like i did". We have been broken up for i guess about 3 months. After the breakup though she lived with me for 2 months "that was a living hell" i was so needy and it drove her nuts and she kept pushing me away, i understand though because all i did was need more and more attention. I was never like that in the relationship before the break up. During the relationship she slowly but steadily took over my life and my whole attention, by the end of the relationship i looked at my phone book and the people i talked to, and i realized that atleast half the guy friends i hade where gone, and all the woman friends that i would talk to where completely gone, except for a co-worker at work that i love very much or atleast as much as a friend could love a woman. This co-worker is always the support i need, but she has a family outside of work and so the only time i can spend with her is at work (and its kind of complicated but i'm not allowed to spend time with her at work, bosses orders, im a supervisor and shes basically my assistant, and the other employees feel that she got it just because were close never mind that she speaks 3 languages and has amazing organzitions skill, she usually chechs my grammer Anyways back to the relationship when i first found the site i was dead inside i had no close friends all i could do was thing about her, the only time i was happy was when i was around her, and when i was, i was still misserable. At this point in time, i feel better about myself (im really better off without her) then i have in probably the last 6 months. I still feel the urge to call her and tell her that i love her. I guess the big reason for that is that i really miss the intimacy that we used to have hodling eachother. And another reason is im almost positive shes seeing another guy in one shape or form. And im really confused about this in one way im happy that she moved on and in another im really upset that she has moved on and i haven't yet. I'm not sure if im ready to start dating, hell im not even sure if i know how to date anymore. This girl really destroyed myself esteem and my spirit. So im trying to pick myself up, everyday gets better, and everyday i feel better about myself. She still wants me in her life and she wants to be friends with me and hang out, there is a couple of problems with this. First off if i call her shes busy doing something else and she tells me to call someother time, but if she calls me im always available, so it seems that she is always having fun and im sitting there doing nothing. Another thing is im still hurt from all the stuff she did to me so i don't know if i want to have someone hurt full like that in my life. Also part of me still thinks we can get back together (i keep telling that voice to shut up) so when i see her it brings things back up. Also im not sure if i can stand knowing that shes been with someone else (if she says she hasn't i wouldn't believe because her lying was a big part of our problems). Basically rate know im in the middle of the healing process, im almost over the depression thank god, I just got over the angry part, im smilling more talking more with people. I still feel alone alot, even though i have plans every night this week. So basically would it make things better or worse if i stayed friends with her?

I was with this girl for 2 years we lived together for the last 6 months. She was telling me for awhile that she wasn't happy with her life not because of me but because of a miscarrage that she had, she never has gotten over that. During our relationship we had our ups and downs broke up every now and then but we always got back together. She was and still is the love of my life, i feel so alone and in pain and the only time that i feel right or whole is when i talk to her or see her. Rate now she says she just needs her space to figure herself out and to figure what she wants in life and then maybe we can get back together. She has already been with another guy atleast once, and that makes me sick to my stomach thinking of her being with someone else. She says that she still loves me and that she wants me in her life and that she misses me. I know that I still love her and that i would do anything to be with her, but thats whats driving me nuts, i can't stop thinkning about her and the only time that i feel happy is when I see her. All she wants rate know is to be friends with me, and then from there we will see. But i can't do that rate know, i can't live with her in my life and i can't live with her out of my life. It's been almost 2 months now, and its been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I don't know what to do anymore i feel so alone and rate now i can't see a future with out her in it. And i feel that no matter what I do i will end up loosing her. The thing is too one minute i feel like i want her back and then the next i feel that i should move on and find someone better. All my friends tell me that i can move on and do better and that im better off without her. But I keep telling myself that they didn't know her like i did. I don't know how to get over her, if anyone can give me advise on how not to think of someone every 2 seconds and how not to call her and tell her how much i miss her all the time. I really hate who i am rate know i was always a strong independent person, now i feel like an empty person that can't stop crying over loosing the one that i love. So 2 questions how do i get over her? And if i want her back what would be the best way to do that with out being seen as a week or pathetic?