What are the ethics surrounding talking to women at the gym?

[DaBladeRoden]

So my home town is pretty lame concerning its singles scene. So I was surprised to find after joining my fitness center that there are a decent amount of attractive women coming in and out of there.

 

Unlike bars or sporting events, Gyms aren't really expectantly social places, it doesn't seem. It's rather hard to talk to someone you don't already know if you can't come up with a good business-like reason to talk to them. Like for instance me saying "hey, are you done with the leg curl machine?" instead of just "hey, how ya doing?". Of course, even the business-like question only got a deer in the headlights face and a quick nod. I'd hate to see what she would have done if I tried to get her number. (oh, who am I kidding, it usually takes me a month of knowing a person before attempting to get her number)

 

So maybe it's taboo for men to strike up conversations with female strangers at the gym? I suppose that's why they invented women's fitness centers in the first place, so they wouldn't have to deal with the likes of us. Ah, too bad.

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah, I only look @ gyms. Never touch/talk/mingle.

 

And no one serious goes to the gym for that either. You see that hot girl over there with the awesome body? Well she looks that way for a reason, and distracting her from that won't help.

 

But then, some women seem to expect it. A few weeks ago I'm staring at this one girl on the hip abductor machine who's taking her sweet time with it. She looks at me and says arrogantly "can you please not stare so much?" and I simply replied "I'm sorry, but I time my sets....you're taking FOREVER to rest! Could you just let me use the machine instead of just sitting there for 2 minutes?!"

[Rising]

yeah it seems like most girls are automatically against being approached at a gym. Too many enormous, muscle heads gathering around them hounding them I guess. I've heard a great many 'sighs' from women who talk about having to go to the gym and deal with the swarms of guys harassing them.

 

Of course on the other side there are those girls that get all dolled up and come to the gym, exercise the equivalent of 15 calories of energy and spend most of the time looking in the mirror waiting for the guys to pay attention to them. So... who knows right?

 

I can't say I know the true etiquette any better than you though. So best of luck to you my man.

 

-Rising

[Daligal83]

I go to the gym a lot and as long as you're respectful and not just trying to get laid, I don't think a girl would be offended. There are some guys at my gym that I would love to approach me, and there are others that I would rather that they not. All you can do is give it a shot, and if she isn't interested, just leave her alone after that. There was one guy that was trying to talk to me and I just wasn't interested, but it took him a few conversations to realize that. But I wasn't offended at all, I just didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

 

And this is coming from a very serious gym-goer. I go six days a week and have a personal trainer. Going to the gym is my hobby haha.

 

And just one other thought, I'd actually rather meet a guy at the gym than anywhere else. I go there so much that I want a guy who 1) understands it and 2) goes himself. So for me, the gym is the perfect place to meet someone. Not all girls will think like this though.

[SupaflyTNT]

Talk to whoever you want, if they're not interested then you'll find out soon enough. Everybody is different at the gym, some girls will have no problem having a conversation with you. You'll never know unless you try.

[Carmine]

Of course on the other side there are those girls that get all dolled up and come to the gym, exercise the equivalent of 15 calories of energy and spend most of the time looking in the mirror waiting for the guys to pay attention to them. So... who knows right?

 

Ha, I always laugh when I hear women say, "we're going to the gym to WORKOUT, not to meet guys, like omg," but their definition of a workout is walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes reading their beauty magazines and then doing abs...which to them consists of sitting on the ground talking to their girl friends. I'm more attracted to girls who actually aren't afraid to break a sweat when they go to the gym. =p

 

I only talk to girls after working out. I remember one time there was this girl who I looked at a few times but never approached. There was this dude that wouldn't leave her alone. She'd go from one machine to another and he'd follow her there hanging over her on the machine. She even put her earphones on and he kept it up. I almost felt like going over and telling the guy to leave her alone...not to impress her or anything, but just for the principle! Give people their space.

 

It must get annoying being hit on by the same old buff tools with the tank tops and caps who seem to live at the gym.

 

I think the the girls at my ymca think I'm unsociable or always pissed. I always have my headphones in blasting, I hardl;y ever talk to anyone there, and I'm usually killing myself on the equipment that no one ever uses, like the ergometer (rowing machine). I think I intimidate them a bit that way. Not sure what would happen if I tried to talk to one. They'd either think, "Wow, I thought he was a selfish pissed off guy, but he's actually really friendly," or "Uh, that hardcore guy is talking to me...awkward..."

[Luke Skywalker]

I've never had any serious issue with women at the gym. Usually, you look at them, and if they appear to be receptive or starting back more than once, then I'd give it a shot to approach.

 

Usually, to start a conversation, I would ask, gee, I haven't seen you at this gym before...are you new here? How do you like this gym? Have you tried other gyms around here? Oh, that's great, by the way, my name is so and so, what's yours? I have to go back to my working out routine...see you later. Or something along those lines. It's not exactly business like, but you are being social. The idea here is you just to up to her, make an ice-breaking convo that's non-threatening, and then eject as fast as you started.

If you want to ask for their number -- why not.

 

That's my style, because I'm business like too, and I want to put names to faces in my environment. The next time you see them, see if they open up a bit more. If they do then you can extend a conversation further or whatever.

 

Overall, if I feel a girl is unapproachable, like head-phones on or what not, then I'm not going to bother trying and just stick to my workout routine. I see that when I go to the gym, it's for a workout objective, and girls would be a side objective if opportunity presents itself. It makes me happy when I talk to girls or make an introduction, but if you build those muscles and keep in shape, then you are also raising your net value anyway.

[rajawo]

Hey guys, I have the ultimate answer: participate in the fitness programs they have! The majority of the people there are girls, and there are always a handful of guys in there so you don't have to be too self-conscious of yourself being a guy. It's easier to talk to people around you as there are breaks in between workouts and people are having a good time working out to the beats of the music. I just started participating in these programs like Step-up and Kwando. In the beginning people are usually just waiting around waiting for the class to start, and you can easily start a conversation w/ someone at that time. Also, when people start seeing you more and recognizing you more, they start feeling more secure about you and not see you as a complete stranger. From there, talking to these people would be easier too as they are familiar and more comfortable with you just by seeing you every week.

 

I've been to 2 workout programs so far. Wish me luck on meeting new people inside! I already made some small talks with two people. It should be much easier next time as I can greet her and she'll greet me back for seeing me the prior week.

Gluck to everyone and never falter! Rejection is part of life and will always happen to a % of women you meet.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I only do it on rare occasion. I recall one time in particular I ended up having a nice conversation with a girl about the new (at the time) IPOD/Nike running chip. I moved out of the city shortly after and moved back a few months later. I walked up to the same girl and said, "Hey, Chanel, right? How've you been?" She looked at me like I was crazy and didn't seem interested in talking at all. So I left her alone after that.

 

I'd say if you want to get to know a girl at the gym (assuming she's serious about being there for a workout), then start off with a very short comment (of a respectable and professional nature). Comments in passing are good. Then move on with your own workout and leave her be. If she comes back at you later with a comment, then you might can move to a more involved conversation.

 

But in general, I wouldn't do it often. Keep 99% of your focus on your workout.

[Fitchik]

Gym Rat here!

 

There are 2 types of women that go to the gym. Those that go to socialize, and those that go to actually work out. It's not hard to tell them apart. If she is sweating, wearing cutoff sweats and a nasty tee-shirt, wearing earbuds, not talking to anyone else... OFF LIMITS.

 

However, if she is wearing some cute little outfit, matching shoes, full makeup and hair done ... GO FOR IT!

 

Good Luck!

[DaBladeRoden]

Not even the female PT at my gym is ripped.

[Daligal83]

I think you can't categorize this at all. Each woman is going to be different. All you can do is smile at her, read her signals and see if she seems approachable. If you try and she's not giving you any positive signals, just back off. It's when you keep pushing while getting negative signals that it gets annoying.

[DaBladeRoden]

I think there's a guy that's perving on me at my gym. I think treadmill/elliptical machbine etiquette is like urinal etiquette. You don't take the one next to another stranger when there's others open. That and he kept looking in my direction and I'm pretty sure there was no one past me on the other side.

[kuiks8]

Gym Rat here!

 

There are 2 types of women that go to the gym. Those that go to socialize, and those that go to actually work out. It's not hard to tell them apart. If she is sweating, wearing cutoff sweats and a nasty tee-shirt, wearing earbuds, not talking to anyone else... OFF LIMITS.

 

However, if she is wearing some cute little outfit, matching shoes, full makeup and hair done ... GO FOR IT!

 

Good Luck!

 

ummm when i go the gym i am there to work out and not to pick up but i still like my coordinated gym outfit. I am very athletic and when I do sports i buy myself outfits...it's my motivation to work harder and try different sports!

 

I don't like being approached at the gym b/c I am there to work out and because i am not usually attracted to the gym rat type but if a guy came up to me in a sincere friendly way that didn't at all scream look at my bulging biceps i might consider it

[Clarity]

If you want to meet women at a gym, join the yoga class

 

I'm not joking.

[psychoanalytical]

Ethics? Haha.

 

It's a very morally responsible way of talking about chatting girls up in the gym.

 

I suppose as long as u don't cause any girls to lose concentration and drop their dumbells on their feet u should have the right to talk to her. Thou shall do no harm lol. Hippocrates would concur.

[Carmine]

Gym Rat here!

 

There are 2 types of women that go to the gym. Those that go to socialize, and those that go to actually work out. It's not hard to tell them apart. If she is sweating, wearing cutoff sweats and a nasty tee-shirt, wearing earbuds, not talking to anyone else... OFF LIMITS.

 

However, if she is wearing some cute little outfit, matching shoes, full makeup and hair done ... GO FOR IT!

 

Good Luck!

 

Mad true.

 

I don't go to the gym much anymore and whenever I do go I never hit on girls. The reason for both of these things is that there are too many dumb muscle guys at the gym...you know the ones I'm talking about. I just don't like being in their presense. As far as the girls go, they hit on every girl they see there so it causes any half-way decent girl to understandably stereotype any guy in the gym as one of these guys.

[Daligal83]

Wow...I'm really glad I go to my gym. It's not anything like what you guys describe. Everyone is very friendly with each other. It's not weird to go up and talk to someone. Even the big muscle guys are really nice. And there are all types of people...overweight to body builders. Maybe you guys just need to find a different gym?

[DaBladeRoden]

this is my different gym