hard to keep living in vain

[saku]

i'm tired of people not understanding my problems. i can't talk to anyone in my family because they make little of my problems. my mother is a hypocrite and doesn't want me to do the things i want to do in life...not like i do much anyway. but i'm tired of that and the fact that no matter what, life is really pissing me off now. i'm 21 almost 22 and i haven't found love yet but i get the ''privilage" of watching other deuce bags get girlfriends only to take it for granted. no body cares about me and i hate that. school is frustrating and i think of dying often but am a bit hesitant on going through with suicide. so what can i do? live and deal with this crap life? well the way i see it i already have hence why i'm still alive. what are you supposed to do when you're doing as much as you already can. i can't control the universe so it's not like i ask to have a worthless life. i just want a purpose like everyone else. sorry if this sounds stupid.

[Princess777]

Saku,

 

It sounds to me like you need someone to talk to face to face, and that this would definitely help you. I am sorry that you are dealing with all of these problems right now. I have been there too. Most people on this board are sensitive to other's feelings too, or they wouldn't even bother logging on.... and I'm sure that most of them have been depressed more than once in their lives too..... we're all here to help each other. Know that you aren't the only one who feels as if no one understands. Sometimes it's hard for us all to give advice when we dont' know that whole story. I think I remember you being in love with someone who didn't love you back, and you held onto a lot of anger about that situation because she was with someone that you considered less desirable. I hate to break this to you, but that's life, and yes, sometimes it really does suck.....Please don't think I'm trying to be mean.....The difference that you need to realize in your thinking is that you can only make a conscious decision on what to do as a result of your emotions, and then you have to let go of the outcome. You can tell this person how much you care, but you cannot force them to love you back..... try checking out the website link removed...... it is really helping me to understand some things about the way I think. Maybe it will help you too...... I think it is right on target about healing the inner self. I'm buying the book, actually. I wonder if you might be able to afford counseling.... if you have health insurance, sometimes they cover around 70%.... just something to think about, I'm going to do that too.

Good luck to you,

[neva_black_n_white]

no it doesnt sounds stupid, i mean its your life so it cant be. i always think that if a question deserves an answer then it was never stupid or it didnt need to be asked, do you get that? (i dont think i said it right lol)

 

but still you sounds familiar to one of my friends, she has the same feelings as you, she watches so many people go through relationships and throw love away, abuse it, use it, completely destroy something that was to good. to her she sees the material issues, the small things others dont, she doesnt want the sex like some, or because shes lonley, she just wants to experiance being held by someone, sharing somthing special. and like you she hates the way people throw it around and take it for grnated. some dont realise but those who havent experianced this seem to be the ones that do.

 

as for what to do, i guess we have to live life and dont give expectancies, i wouldnt put a time line onto when you would fall in love with someone, because its not something you can decide, you may believe your in love and then for some reason fall for another.

school and such aspects are this are always annoying in some sense, but in the long run they are required, or in a majority basis anyhow.

 

i guess we have to live it and see, we have a course in life just we'll never know until probably the end what that one thing was, or several.

would you say you have control over your suicidal thoughts then, as at the moment you couldnt go through with it, or do you believe that will change?

 

anyway good luck in life, kel

[funkygirl758]

I can totally understand. I don't want to sound negative and make anything worse, but I relate. I am married and have a child. But I can not talk to my spouse. My daughter is spoiled and driving me crazy. And I have been fighting with the purpose of my life almost since it has began, it feels like. And it does seem like the jerks get chicks. Starting to feel this way about my hubby even. I also can't talk to my mom. She does the same thing, make my problems be little. But I just plug along with this crappy life, because I also can't off myself.What to do??? Glad I'm not alone at least., I guess. Hope things get better. You are still young so the love part can still happen.

[deeds]

Hi,

 

I'm twice your age but not twice as wise. You hit the nail on the head, you want a purpose in your life. I just realised the same thing, most people do, but they make the mistake of waiting for someone to do it for them. The snag is you have to decide what its going to be and then make it happen. Nobody else has the power to do that for you, you have to do it for yourself. I have a feeling you will.

 

deeds