Not sure where I'm At....

[so-so-sad]

Hi there - can anyone help?

 

I not doing so well at all. Bin split two weeks and a bit. He was the love of my life and still is. I was devoted to him. It did not work out tho. I am finding this very hard. He knows how I feel and knows I wanted to work things out but he does not. I have to accept that as we have had troubles before and he has worked hard with myself to try and sort things out but has still not been happy with me.

 

The thing is I am now very much alone. I spent all my time with him and talked only with him. Now that is gone I feel like I'm cracking up.

 

It' so hard not talking. He's a very kind guy and would talk to me if he knew I was in a bad way but I dont think it's fair or healthy to lay that kind of grief on him.

 

So I'm stuck and feeling like I'm cracking up. Not sure if I can go to work tomorrow. I have a demanding job and am a lone parent to two lovely girls - one of which has learning disabilities. She is finding it hard at the moment as she's 17 and quite lonely herself. I feel that I am a complete mess and cant seem to get a grip.

 

Not sure if anyone can help but it has helped a little to post my thoughts.

so thank you for that!!

 

i just miss him so so much its hard and \I'm worried about letting my daughter and work down cos I not doing so well. I am the lead in setting up a new project to provide support for vulnerable adults with mental health needs - seems ironic now. I will be letting a lot of people down if i dont get grip.

 

Would appreciate ANY support or advice

 

Thanks

[giggle3474]

I know what you are going through is hard. Big hugs to you...

You have had 2 weeks to digest this and now it's time to get tough and not let it take you over. If he has told you he is not interested in working thigs out, you have no choice but to mourn the loss of the relationship and move on with your life.

First of all, you need to limit yourself to how long per day you allow yourself to think about this. I started out with an hour. (30 min in the am, 30 min in the pm) during that time you can cry, get mad, mope, hit stuff, write in a journal.... do whatever you want. But any other time of the day, you need to stop yourself from thinking about it. If it creeps into your head, just remind yourself it's not time -that you have to think about it later... Wear a rubberband around your wrist and snap it every time you think about him. You have to practice this thought-stopping.

 

You seem to alude that this man was your entire life. That you were very dependent on him. I was the same way (gosh Im so greatful for saying "was") So when you lost him, you were crushed because in deed you had lost your identity. You need to rediscover 'you'. You need to get n ew hobbies, do things that make you feel good about yourself. Get a manicure or a massage or a new haircut, rejuvinate yourself! Also I recommend reading the book "Why men love b*tches" , I found that I identified with a lot of what they were talking about in that book and it was nice to notice some of my behaviors that have been detrimental to my relationships. This book made me feel a little empowered, it's really a good read.

 

You can also throw yourself into taking care of your daughters. They need you. Another project I am taking on is totally removing the clutter from my house. It is kind of a metephor for removing the clutter from my life and it feels good! It makes me feel accomplished and less stressed and anxious.

 

Good luck!

[Karmageddon]

Everybody has their days when the need help. Don't feel bad that you are now the one in need! Do what you think is best for you. Since this is such a recent thing maybe you need to take a day off & grieve. I don't personally know you, so you need to really evaluate what you think is best, then do it.

[so-so-sad]

thanks - both of you. your posts are very helpful.