istillluvu06 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 wondering if anyone is struggling with loving and hating their ex at the same time> Going through crying then anger then every emotion you can think of> I feel screwed over not just emotionally but financially too> I put so much into him and his life and lost myself doing it In some ways I blame myself for making someone such a huge part of my life Link to comment
thouse Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 wondering if anyone is struggling with loving and hating their ex at the same time> Going through crying then anger then every emotion you can think of> I feel screwed over not just emotionally but financially too> I put so much into him and his life and lost myself doing it In some ways I blame myself for making someone such a huge part of my life I am struggling with the love/hate emotions. Today I cried like a baby curled up in my car I just couldn't stop the tears anymore, I hate him because he never put as much into the relationship as I did. I hate him because I have forgiven him for so much and when I make a mistake he holds it against me. I hate him because he chooses others to protect their feelings at the expense of mine. He's never made me feel like I was a priority, yet after all of these things I still miss him and love him. How sick and sad is that?? Link to comment
John Bendix Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 An emotional reaction can be changed from one to another in the blink of an eye. Love can be transmuted into hate or any other emotion. This is done by us all of the time. In fact, hate and anger are two emotions that can be used to try and block off the onset of any other unpleasant emotion that we do not want to feel. Link to comment
lostnva Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Yep... I hate him and I love him. Mine screwed me to. Financially, and emotionally. Left after after 4 years. Its been 6 weeks now. I am starting to hate him more than love him. And I am glad...I have been waiting for the day that I am over it. I miss him more than anything....the house is lonely without him. But I am getting use to it. I really am feeling better...Thank God. Its been rough! Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 I don"t like feeling eaten alive with bitterness I want to live my own life againUnfortunatley there are still a few things that bind us such as bills and things he has yet to return to me>I probobly do think it"s sometimes easier to be angry to block out any love feelingsjust completely sad Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I like to use my anger and hate. I turn it on my punching bag or hit the gym. I run forever at the highest speeds. I use it to write fiction. I write it down in a personal journal which I will never release to the public. I use it as fuel for self improvement. Determined to prove them wrong for dumping me. Determined to craft myself into such a man, that my life is better without them. And should they come back, I would be the one with the power. Link to comment
mattysfun Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 it took me 3 months of therapy to realize that it wasnt love hate. it was love/hurt. i was taking all my pain, and heartache and turning it into rage. and hate. im trying this new thing. whenever i get mad i stop. and think about why im mad. and half the time i end up crying. and that makes me feel a hell of alot better than screaming at him Link to comment
starlight40 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Im feeling the love/hate thing too, i hate what hes done to me but there is still love there, its awful, totally frustrating. Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 Cant seem to separate the 2. He was my first real love, long story and history. I was no angel so I have some guilt in there too, Maybe I'm really mad at myself too. So I am a mess. I hope this will pass for us all.....TIME!!!! AND NC Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 This is SO typical and common. I think almost everyone who has ever been the "dumpee" can relate. The love doesn't just shut off, however, the frustration pain and anger can oscillate from love to hate in frequent intervals. Depending upon the things the ex did to the person it can be rather tumultuous for a very long time. It is frustrating to feel you loved someone and they turned around and did you wrong or ignore you, or do not live up to obligations. Are you able to see a counselor? I think that it would really help you to resolve these feelings. Burying them won't help you longterm. Its like pushing the air out of a balloon. It goes over to one side but as soon as it is released it fills up again. Link to comment
amya Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Well like i said in the thread i posted earlier, i feel the love/hate thing very much. More so love than hate (it would be much easier to hate him) but yes, very much one minute crying and wanting him back and the next minute thinking about all the things i hated about him and why the hell would i want him back anyway! Ahhh. It's not easy feeling either way, just got to look forwards to the "why on earth did i waste my time crying over him..." emotion! Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 I think hate is a very strong word ......the real word is they hurt us. We deny it at first ......and then somehow we try and accept it (the really hard part) And then we get angry .....thats because we see our own part in all of it and its normal to want to blame them And then we cry .....and we sob.....and we don't want to be around people because we bring them down to ...........and I drink to numb the pain ....at least for awhile ....and then the next day it comes back again .....and we think about them ....what they are doing .........why it did not work .....how we can maybe fix it and get them back .......or who they are now with .....only knowing its not us anymore ......and time goes on ....slowly, very slowly ......and we wait and we wonder ........and we pray and we wish ..........and we have to find a way to fill THAT VOID of time we used to spend with them .......we have to force a smile even if we don't want to ....and it helps ......just a little .........and we sleep, and we dream .....and we work ........and everyday the sun comes up without them in our lives.....and the birds sing ....and someday we will wake up and we will heal ....slowly ever so slowly ......and if we quarterize the wound we know in our hearts we will heal quicker.....but we let it seep just a little more .......and then one day we see the scar ....in our hearts ....and we are grateful that we even took a shot at loving at all. And if we are proud and have courage .....we will do it all over again someday......because if it does work out .....we know love is worth it. God Bless us all Kuhl Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 I guess my heart doesnt hate him, I am horribly hurt, but my brain HATES what he did!!! There will always be a part of me that loves him. Wish I did'nt Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 I truly just want to be alone for a long while. I don't underdtand how people can jump right into relationships when their heart is broken, or haven't really gotten over the other person. It doesn't seem productive, more like denial. IDK Link to comment
thouse Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 I truly just want to be alone for a long while. I don't underdtand how people can jump right into relationships when their heart is broken, or haven't really gotten over the other person. It doesn't seem productive, more like denial. IDK They are trying to fill a void I think, but it normally doesn't work out because after the honeymoon is over then the reality sets in, normally when people do this they just hurt more people and themselves in the process. Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 See I wouldn't want to hurt someone else. I have no interest at all in dating. Im in way too much pain. My ex is on dating sites, was before we really broke up, he lied about it. I am just so disgusted. Have no trust left. I do think it's wrong to get n sites and lie about who you are etc. SAD,He really is sad!!!!! Link to comment
thouse Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 See I wouldn't want to hurt someone else. I have no interest at all in dating. Im in way too much pain. My ex is on dating sites, was before we really broke up, he lied about it. I am just so disgusted. Have no trust left. I do think it's wrong to get n sites and lie about who you are etc. SAD,He really is sad!!!!! My ex was dating a month after we broke up, got her pregnant now after she had the baby is saying that he doesn't want to be with her and they don't get along. Bottom line he was not healed from our relationship and instead of dealing he tried to just take his mind off of it by being with her. But the feelings eventually surface and you have to deal. Link to comment
Bob3000 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Just someone else who can totally relate to the love / hate / hurt scenario. It has been three months now. I've been doing all the things you're supposed to do but it's not getting better. But that's another story - which I'm just about to post... Link to comment
journogirl Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 today is the first day i am starting to feel anger towards my ex it has been nearly 3 weeks and i had the first stirrings of anger today i want to embrace it as i know its the next stage we are in contact as we are sorting out financial issues-he isnt helping and is being very selfish he owes me money and doubt il see it again its a horrid situation but i am seeing him for who he truelly is a man who looks oout for himself and only himself x Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Yes exactly, I see my ex for who heis now too. I am screwed financially because I loved and trusted in him. Now he only looks out for himself? I'm in one of the worst situations I could possibly be in, he could care less. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Hi, I know how you feel. I have the same problem with the emotions. Nightmares are a big part too. Not sure I can give advice on this as I am right in the thick of it but I wanted you to know your not alone. Take Care! Tina x Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 yea been waking up every morning with that horrible stomach dropping feeling, heart in my throat. Can't believe this has all happened feeling. Feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from Link to comment
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