Infin1ty Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Well today I had an ephinany, and I'm glad it happened. For the first time since the break up, I realize that there is nothing I can do to get her back and I just need to let her do her thing, and in time, if she wants to try and reconsiliate, then she will contact me, until then I just have to let her live her life, with our without me. I can't even explain how relieved I felt after it hit me. I don't know if this has happened for anyone else, but when it happened, it was like the world being lifted off my shoulders. Link to comment
AtMyWitsEnd Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I am dragging my feet toward that realization about my husband. He asked for a divorce Saturday. I KNOW that's true. I just don't want to see it yet. Link to comment
Jetta Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Hasn't hit me and I'm divorced for 3 years now. Still bitter about his happiness. Link to comment
chopperboy Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Letting go of control is an important part of closure. So is accepting that we won't get all the answers. You're right to leave the open door for her while you go on with your life. It's all you can really do. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Well today I had an ephinany, and I'm glad it happened. For the first time since the break up, I realize that there is nothing I can do to get her back and I just need to let her do her thing, and in time, if she wants to try and reconsiliate, then she will contact me, until then I just have to let her live her life, with our without me. I can't even explain how relieved I felt after it hit me. I don't know if this has happened for anyone else, but when it happened, it was like the world being lifted off my shoulders. It sounds like you have reached acceptance, good for you! Link to comment
just M.E. Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 This is the definition of closure and the beginning of your future. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 i got to that stage but then I had a reverse reaction and got worse again Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 my ex of 11 yrs told me in April of 2000 he didn't love me anymore and wanted out. When I say "didn't love me" That means, he was cheating and met somene else. He went back and forth for 3 months, then wanted to stay, then a week after he was sure he wanted to stay, he left for good. Then he came back two weeks after that saying he made a huge mistake so we dated for 6 months. Then I found out he was seeing this other girl the entire time I found this out in Feb 2001 and I woke up on April 4 2001 and had my ephinany that I was done giving him and the situation any more energy. I was over it right then and there. 11 yrs gone and I went and found my happiness. Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well I think I may have spoken too soon. I think I was just having a really good day earlier today, but tonight has been really bad, almost threw up a couple times (it's what I do, it's basically my equivalent of crying.) Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well I think I may have spoken too soon. I think I was just having a really good day earlier today, but tonight has been really bad, almost threw up a couple times (it's what I do, it's basically my equivalent of crying.) Awww....I'm sorry to hear this. But, just remember that you will have these ups and downs, sometimes from hour to hour -- I'm not kidding. When I first found out that my ex reconciled with his previous ex, I literally had mood swings every hour -- one hour I'd feel relieved, ready to move on, hopeful about the future, etc., and the next I'd feel soooooo low...and yeah, I'd be on the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet. It's awful, really, but you just have to be patient and gentle with yourself. Know that some days you are going to feel horrible, some days OK, some days really good. And, know that, at least initially, these days are going to switch back and forth a lot. Hang in there. It does get better. Link to comment
DrPhil Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well I think I may have spoken too soon. I think I was just having a really good day earlier today, but tonight has been really bad, almost threw up a couple times (it's what I do, it's basically my equivalent of crying.) I've had those days man. Keep your head up. Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Yeah even with these bad times I am trying to stay positive about everything. I almost broke down and e-mailed one of her friends to see if she has said anything about me, and what she said when we first broke up, but I stopped myself, I have a feeling that it would have only further complicated things. She has to come over next week, so I am looking forward to seeing her then. Going to see if she wants to go to a concert with me come the end of September (luckily I do have a backup plan if she says no, or blows me off.) I'm hoping by that time things will be better (concert is exactly 2 months away so that would put us at 2 and 1/2 months being separated, that is if we don't get back together before then.) Anyways, just had to get all my thoughts out before I go to bed, helps me sleep at night. Thanks all for reading. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 She has to come over next week, so I am looking forward to seeing her then. Going to see if she wants to go to a concert with me come the end of September (luckily I do have a backup plan if she says no, or blows me off.) I'm hoping by that time things will be better (concert is exactly 2 months away so that would put us at 2 and 1/2 months being separated, that is if we don't get back together before then.) Why would you want to put yourself through that? The risk of her saying no If you're going to be 2 1/2 months aparts by that time, why lose all those months of healing? Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well when she comes over next week we will just be hitting 3 weeks, so its not like I'm coming to her after 2 1/2 months and asking. Honestly though, with out situation and the way we both are, there is no chance that we will be out of each other's lives, I am doing my healing, and I will make it through this fine, regardless of what happens between us. I still do realize that it doesn't matter what I do, if she wants to come back to me, she will (and trust me I know she will, its just a matter of time), but until then I just have to live my life and see what happens. Link to comment
Fireman Sam Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 When she comes over you need to put on a brave face. I strongly recommend the following. Do's 1. Be happy & relaxed (meditate before she comes over to help clear the dark thoughts from your mind) 2. Be agreeable with everything she says. 3. Be confident with youself 4. Be positive about everything and have a positive attitude. Don't's 5. Don't say any "I love you's" 6. Don't talk about the seperation, breakup or relationship. 7. Don't pressure her in any way what so ever. Think about these things and make sure you are mentally in a place you can pull this off. Remember....the more you push...the more she will pull away. If you stop pushing, she won't need to pull away any further then she already is. Be charming and happy. A warm hug is fine...but don't try any kissing what soever at the end of the meet. This is my approach and I'm starting to see results. Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thanks for the advice! Yeah I wasn't planning on bringing up the seperation at all and I've learned that there are no more I love yous. Do you think it would be alright to bring up whether or not she has been seeing anyone else? I've had this feeling that she may be, but I don't want to call her up and ask her and seem like I'm a crazy ex stalker boyfriend. Besides that my plans are simple. Just play it cool, be myself, and see if she wants to go to that concert! Link to comment
Fireman Sam Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 No....don't ask her that. That is pushing. If you chase her...she will run. Stop chasing her and she will stop running. She might not come back.....but she won't run further away. Link to comment
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 don't ask about her seeing anyone...what would that actually do for you? is she answers yes then you'll be hurt and if she answers no then you'll wonder why she isn't with you...it might make you feel better short term but the information is really useless...the only thing that counts is whether or not the two of you are together or not. That's about it....everything else is noise. Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Yeah I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to ask her anyways, it's not something I think I want the answer too. Link to comment
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 exactly...some things are better left unknown...that's why I never understand people who hack into their ex's emails or similar invasions...when does someone ever find out something good when doing that?? Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Had a bit of a draw back today. When I first got up I jumped onto Facebook, and I saw that the first that my ex is living with posted some new pictures of my ex and tagged her in them. You know whats funny is it's not like she posted pictures of her with another, its just a couple of pictures of them at work, but seriously just seeing it, is ripping my heart and killing me. Link to comment
bfla Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Hey Infinity, I know my ex's guy's family is tagging her in pics, and the best part is I can't even see them, I just see the picture counter go up. GAH Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 I mean I was glad to see that she like wasn't all over another guy in the pictures, and I really don't know why it is hurting this much, because it's is just pictures of her at work, but it is killing me. I came very close to picking up the phone and calling her after I saw the pictures, just so I could talk to her, but I'm trying to stay strong and not talk to her until she has to come over next week. I think it may be have hurt so much because of a dream I had last night. Can't remember all the details, all I remember is that it was very unpleasant. Link to comment
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