My Experiances Of Post Break-Up Depression

[civilservant]

Recently here on ENA I've seen several threads regarding the use of Anti-Depressants and their role in healing after a break up. I thought I would relate my experiences over the past few months having gone down this road, and now that I've come of of them the conclusions that I've drawn and how I feel they helped me or otherwise along with therapy and time off of work.

 

As you could see by looking through my previous threads, I had a fairly intensive relationship with a work colleague (who I had had a crush on previously) and I ended up getting far more involved than I really should have done. We ended up going our separate ways, and I immediately struggled to come to terms with the fact that she had walked away from us so easily.

 

The day after we had 'the talk' I didn't go into work, because I couldn't bare to face her. I felt physically sick, I didn't have any appetite, and I just wanted to curl up and sleep for along time. That was just after I joined ENA, and I spent an awful lot of time trawling the boards to find ways to get back the ex. I didn't go outside for 3 days, and had this all consuming anger towards her. In that time I didn't eat, didn't shower, and felt myself falling into a well of disappear around this terrible thing that I has done to myself.

 

On the Monday I was still feeling like rubbish, hadn't eaten since the previous Thursday, and was feeling like I wanted to die. I took the step of making a appointment with the Doctor, and went to see her about my situation. I should probably start of by saying I like in the UK, so healthcare (apart from prescriptions) is free. You simply make an appointment to see them and rock up at the appointed time, the downside being they are extremely busy, and an appointment is about 10 minutes.

 

So I went in to see my Doctor, and described me feeling and told her what had happened. That I had lost my motivation to keep on living, didn't want to work, didn't want to go out of the house even, feeling tired all the time, and had lost half a stone in a few days due to not eating anything. I didn't want to use the 'D' word, but I felt it was an accurate representation of how I felt. She listened with sympathy, and asked a few questions about how I was feeling and what she felt I could do to help, and then said that she felt I was suffering from depression. She signed me off from work for 1 month, prescribed 'Fleuoxetine' and referred me to a canceller for some help for my feelings.

 

I began taking the Fleuoxetine' the day after, and was made an appointment for the following week with a councilor. I was warned that the tablets that could take as much as 2 weeks to kick in, and that in that time I shouldn't expect to feel any better. This wasn't good news, because I was on the edge and was looking a suicide sites. However, because I lived with other people that wouldn't;to allow me to fall that far, and dragged me kicking and screaming into town even when I just wanted to sleep and not go anywhere ever.

 

I went for my first appointment with the councilor, and he went through with me how I was feeling about everything, talking about my parents, the expectations that I put on myself and those put on me by others. I was numb, I cried, but it did good just to hear someone else actually wanted to listen to me rant and would not judge me at all. We made a schedule of one appointment week, and I kept to that for my entire period of absense from work (3 months in total, up to know)

 

After a period of some weeks, I was feeling better, and did actually return to work. I stayed for 2 days, and realized that because of what had happened and what my therapist had helped me to understand I no longer wanted to be doing that job. I tendered my resignation with immediate effect, and left the day after with the contents of my desk in a box. I felt better, like a weight had been lifted, and like everything was possible again. No I don't have a job to go to at the moment, and yes that is a little scary, but there's something enthralling about it as well, something that makes me feel alive and I'm really really ok.

 

So what can I draw from all of this, now that I've stopped the tablets?

 

Doctors are too eager to dole out a script on this country. They have a 'tick list' that they have to fulfill before prescribing anti-depressants, and if you fulfill it then they have no problem writing a script, signing you off of work, and getting you out the door. This in my opinion (now) is so wrong. It downplays the complex nature of the human mind and the way in which each of us differ. All they do is replace the serotonin in your brain, and that isn't what the problem is when you've broken up with someone. You're not medically depressed, you're emotionally depressed!

 

The tablets had absolutely no effect on me that I could discern, I didn't begin to feel better after even a month, and I went cold turkey when I felt they weren't doing me any good. They may have raised my serotonin, I'm not a doctor and couldn't tell, but even if they did that they certainly didn't make me feel happier. There was only one thing that did that, and that was spending time someone that listened to me to work through what I was thinking. You need to process the experience to make sense of it, and all tablets do is numb the mind and make you think you feel better. There's no subside for human interaction, and the help of a medical professional. I used to be of the opinion that you can cure everything with drugs, I believed in the absolute power of medicine, but no longer.

 

To all you who feel depressed due to a breakup I say this. Yes, it hurts. Yes, you may feel depressed. One thing is certain though, because doctors label you with this condition does not mean you have to take it upon yourself to BECOME that condition. What you need is not medical help, you don't need the tablets, you need a person to listen to you vent, to work through your feelings and to process the experience.

 

I have no doubt that for some, ADs work and help, but for me, they were nothing more than an excuse to label myself with this condition. I would urge anyone not to go down the road of taking tablets for a breakup, but seek help form a professional councilor that you can talk to.

 

One of the main things about human beings is our ability to communicate. You can do it too, USE IT. Don't use tablets, they simply numb.

 

I hope this helps, if anyone wants to PM, feel free.

 

CS

[heartbroken9]

Thanks for the post. I actually thought about going on anti depressants because I didnt know how to deal with the sadness. But your right..Im not medically depressed, Im emotionally depressed. I think I might do the therapy thing if I dont get better in a few weeks though..

 

But I just wanted to thank you for the post and it was very helpful. Im glad to hear your doing well again. =)

[Nearwater]

I went through/ am going through the same. It's been since late April. The depression

and panic/crying attacks got really back by the middle of june. I tried an anti-depressant but it made me feel very weird and tingley. Seem to make it worse, so i quit. Went on a sleep aid that made all the difference. Still very bumed but the crying has stopped for the most part, had a week of anger but last night an OVERWHELMING hyperventilating crying thing for over 10 minutes. Actually grabbed the phone, dialed the exe's number to hear her voice and she actually answered. We are at a place where if she see's it's me, she won't pick up, I cried super hard then hung up, she called back and I could not talk, she just kept saying my name... and i unplugged the phone. It is long overdue for her to have some reaction to the lies and pain she created.

[Tinnes]

I was very hurt after break up, but I did not let it to affect my quality of life.

I knew just one thing I have to fight for myself, against myself, against my bad thoughts...

 

Healthy way of life-great thing. Getting up early, forcing myself to finish daily work(at the beginning it has no sense for me), going out every night, spending time with friends, meeting sooo many new people, learning new skills...all that helped me a lot. Evenings were the worst. Sometimes I thought that my heart will blow, and that I'll die. But, I fell asleep, and the next evening, and the next... So, I realized that it needs time to heal, I accepted that, learned how to live with the pain. I had no luck at that moment in my love life, but that it was not the only aspect of my life! There were so many thing that are my life, me. I became more attractive, took well care of myself, I gained more experience, became more confident...found great b/f.

 

We all have to stend up for ourselves. Life is not easy. But I certainly won't let one person to riun all I am. I'll fight for myself. No depression, no pills, no alcohol... Once I thought I was weak, but I prooved myself that I am strong. You can do the same.

[civilservant]

Tinnes I'm pleased to hear you managed without any sort of intervention, and that you came out of the other side and got on with your life. We all can be stronger people having had these experiance, and the temporary relief brought by ADs is just that, temporary.

[heartbroken9]

How long did it take you all to get through the pain..its been two months and im still really down and sad..sometimes it feels like this feeling is never gonna end..

[civilservant]

How long did it take you all to get through the pain..its been two months and im still really down and sad..sometimes it feels like this feeling is never gonna end..

 

Hi heartbroken, I'm sorry to hear you're still feeling bad, but 2 months is 2 months closer to healing than you were on the day you broke up! For my own part its been 3 months since I last spoke to barbara, but no one can put a timescale on how you feel.

 

I feel you're pain, and urge you to fight against it with all your strength. Even when you feel like staying in bed drag yourself out, go for a walk. Anything to take your kind off things. Have you sought any sort of therapy for your grief? (because that's what it is) as ive said I firmly believe we need to process the experiance to begin to deal with it and this certainly helped me.

 

I wish you luck, and if you want to PM for a chat at any point feel free to do so.

 

CS

[heartbroken9]

Thanks CS. I havent tried going to a therapist yet. Im trying to give me some time to see if I get any better and if I dont, then I will go to a therapist. I thought about going on anti depressants..but I really dont think thats a good idea. I cant believe someone can have this kind of affect on you. I was so happily single before I met this guy..and now after the break up..its so hard to find myself again..

 

But thank you for your post..it did help me feel better

[civilservant]

Thanks CS. I havent tried going to a therapist yet. Im trying to give me some time to see if I get any better and if I dont, then I will go to a therapist. I thought about going on anti depressants..but I really dont think thats a good idea. I cant believe someone can have this kind of affect on you. I was so happily single before I met this guy..and now after the break up..its so hard to find myself again..

 

But thank you for your post..it did help me feel better

 

Yeah by all means give yourself some time, if you can do it on your own then so much the better. I agree (as you can tell, as it's the point of my post ) that ADs don't really work, and in fact they didn't do all that much for me.

 

I was just the same, before her I'd been single for a couple of years, and I kind of lost myself if her because I felt she was my soulmate. Sometimes you give yourself so completley to a person that you don't see the bad side of them, and when it all goes wrong the bitterness creeps in.

 

I'm glad the post made you feel a little better, as I say, if you want to PM at any point or a chat feel free.

[lostnva]

well, I am sorry they didnt work for you. But I was having severe panic and anxiety attacks after my fiance of 4 years left because of his depression/addictions to alcahol/weed! I was severly depressed and prescribed Lexapro and xanax, and though I am still hurt and in alot of pain...my moods/ feelings are stable. And the xanax works when I get anxiety/panic attacks. Its temporary deprssion, but it is depression. I to have been seeing a therapist....works WONDERS! She understands, and makes me feel like hes sick with his addictions, and unless he helps himself theres nothing I can do!

[civilservant]

As I said, I accept that for some people they do the trick, but I can only relate my experiances, and they weren't very positive.