in a lot of pain

[audrey28]

i have been doing ok since the breakup, feeling numb more than anything, until today.

 

on my way home, i passed by a road under construction, and when i realize i have to reverse all the way back out, i just flipped. i suddenly felt angry at such a little thing, and felt how inconvenient life in general was. i broke down.

 

all the pain that was kept inside....i am feeling it now. i am angry. i am angry at the world. i am feeling the pain. i hate my parents for not knowing how to care for me. i hate them for not knowing how to nurture me. when i was growing up, there would be times i would be sad and i would show it. my mom would just ignore it. as if nothing happened. not a word about how i am. nothing.

 

the relationship that ended reminded me of so much pain that i went through as a child and adolescent. my crying would go unnoticed, if not acknowledged through annoyance.

 

i feel so unloved right now.......i am so tempted to break nc. my mind is very unclear and the pain is unbearable.

[bustertypsy]

Hi Audrey! You are in a dark place right now.It is important to remember that we need to hit rock bottom before we pick ourselves up again.It seems that you are now at this low point when life looks bleak.

 

Let me assure that the light at the end of the tunnel will appear.Embrace the pain you feel.It is better than trying to deny it.We must hurt in order to heal.What you are experiencing is necessary in order for you to grow stronger.

 

You are not alone.Many of us here are struggling.Just be certain that you will pull through just like the rest of us.We can all do it and be better people at the end of it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The pain of a break up often causes all other suppressed pains to come rushing to the surface. Everything becomes overwhelming so that even a little annoyance becomes a bit thing. What you are feeling is the normal aftermath of a break up where everything is dark and gloomy and you re-live all the negative emotions from other events in your life. It will get better, it just takes time. Try to focus on the positives in your life when your mind tries to venture down the dark road.

[Panda2008]

Don't break NC - you won't get the answers you want from your ex. I would say that the fact these painful emotions from your childhood are resurfacing is an opportunity for you to work through them and make yourself stronger. Have you thought about talking to a counsellor - they could definitely help with this sort of thing and help you process your feelings in the right environment. I hope you feel better soon.

[nothanks]

It's great that you can see where the roots of the pain come from, and can see that the relationship echoed them.

 

Sure, that doesn't feel like it's a help right now, but it will help you so much later. (I've been reading that book, "How to Find the Love you Want," or something like that, by Harlan Hendrix, and he talks about all the things you say. It's very comforting).

 

And yeah, yeah. It does totally suck. So many didn't get the nurturing they needed. Children are so simple and need such simple things- love, safety, reliability, understanding, protection. But for some reason, very few societies teach parents how to meet these simple needs well.

 

Sometimes it just feels TOO HARD, the whole business. But, then it gets easier, eventually, and then the good stuff comes back, and it's all more than worth it. Or so Iseem to remember!