ShootTheMoon Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 ](*,)I dont know where to go with this... Ive been self harming in episodes for 10 years now. I told my therapist for the first time last week about it. But I assured her with much bravado that it was all behind me, it wasnt what I want for my life. And yet last nite I found myself there again. I feel like everything is spiralling out of control in my head. I cant stop thinking about it. Longing for the next chance to cut. And when I say self harm, I mean all manner of things that cause harm, I thought I could control the cutting, but every time it gets worse than the last. I wanted to start smoking again today, having quit for a year and a half. I go to the gym and nearly kill myself with cardio - see how much I can punish myself. And I look for sexual relationships which will hurt and degrade me. Im a person who likes reason, rational explanation. But I cant find any basis for these feelings. I am attractive, intelligent, with a good career, going places. I have a family and friends whom I know genuinely love me. I am happy...Yet I feel so much pain that I am seriously thinking of ending it all. Im obsessing with death, thinking about it all day. Im so committed to my therapy, but I just dont know how much more of this I can take. Just dont understand... Link to comment
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