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long post, but i cant eat, sleep, or laugh, im dieing here!


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okay, (this is a long post but i need help, im going to break if i no one here can help, if you have ever been in love, truley in love,then you will know how i feel)

so, i have known my ex for almost two years and it seems like i have known him all my life. i can tell when he is hidding something, i can tell when he is sad and only acting like he is happy, i can tell when you shouldn't get in his way even when he hasn't said or looked at me or who ever person/people are there, but most of all i can tell that right now he is lieing to himself and saying he is happy when the truth is he is in pain and wont let anyone help. we broke up 1 1/2 months ago and i think he is starting to see that i am not the only one here who is still in love. i know him better then anyone and he knows me better then anyone and he knows that all i want is for him to be truly happy, not to settle for the first thing that comes, but to reach for the brightest star out there. HIs best friend died 6 months ago almost 7 and he was my firend too, even though i didn't know him near as long as my ex did, but i still cared for him. well heres the thing, my ex ( i'll just call him Kolby) had this crush on this girl for a few year, but not while we were dating. she is a dirty ho! not because im jelouis or anything she just is. they aren't even really bf and gF yet and she is doing all this stuff with him she shouldn't , i don't think she really cares about him, i just think its to get back at me. she never liked me, and she had no reason. well she isn't good enough for him and he if lieing to himself. he is changing so much and i know our friend that died (i'll call him tony) wouldn't like who he is turning into. they used to do everything together and now kolby wont do any of it. i think that tony would like to see kolby be himself and like to see him really be happy and know that tony is in a better place now. tony would like to see kolby do the thing they used to do everyday and have fun. well i told this to kolby and he said he would think about it and i guess that he didn't really put much thought into it. i can't lay back and let this happen, kolby can find a non ho girl and one that will treat him how i should have and see him how i do now. i know kolby knows himself better then i do, but when you love someone you also see things in them much bigger and who they really are. he knows just as well as i do he isn't happy. but he also is hidding it from himself and wont let himself keep living to be who he is. how can i get this through to him. there has to be someone out there that wont tell me to back off and give up, one of you here have the answer. i truly love him and can't let this happen to him, i will do anything but sit back. is there a game i can play with him without him knowing im playing so he will start to come back and realize that kolby is still here and happier then new kolby. please i would give my life for him. im writing down all of our memories (happy and funny ones) will that be a good start. and where do i go from there. also how do i bring miss barbie out to be the real person she is so kolby can see she isn't right.

thank you,

love Qtpie87

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Hey there QTpie87! First off I would like to wish you a Happy New Year! Ok, well, you kind of have a bit of a complicated situation, I have had stuff similar to this happen to some of my friends before, and I know that it is not a nice thing to see. But I will try and do my best to help you out. First off, I don't know how much time you spend with him, but I would try and spend a lot of time on the weekends or go out sometime as friends. Why did you two break up, like what was the reason/causes? Anyway, I would try and do things with him, or go somewhere where you both could have fun together or do something where you two are alone and you could talk to him about what you have been noticing, his change in personality, attitude, etc. I would talk it over with him and tell him how you are feeling about him and the new girl that isn't quite the best for him. I would also maybe ask him some questions on how he is feeling and why he is doing this to himself, or, if you don't want to ask him right off the bat, you could give him some time to process what you said, and maybe talk about another time you two get together. I like you're idea of writing out all the happy things you two did together, and you could bring them up with him. You can also tell him about all the great things he and 'tony' did together. If you have other friends that know what he is going through, you could also have them talk to him about his situation. You'll just have to see where it goes from there, if you want to, maybe you could try and get back together with him sometime down the road if all turns out well, it depends on how you feel.

 

Keep us all posted with anything new that happens or any questions you have and we will all be more than happy to help you. I hope that things turn for the best for you, and especially for him.

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try to sit with him and talk to him calmly and express your feelings towards the situation.dont just sit back and let some ho change him. try to tell him wat you feel and try to give him reasons and try to let him understand that you know how he feels . good luck and i wish you the best, hopefully you can get through to him before he changes or this girl hurts him, try your hardest and dont give up on him.

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Hello QTPie,

 

The main thing I found in your post that stood out for me was this:

HIs best friend died 6 months ago

Thats a HUGE thing to have happened to him. Its really a life changing experience and its possible he has not gotten over it. It could have very well changed him and he may still be suffering the effects of it. If he hasn't gotten his grief out that may explain why he seems to be doing things that are "unusual" for him.

 

You've already told us that you won't just sit back. Well ok I will try some different advice for you. I will tell you to be his friend. He needs somebody he can trust. Somebody who looks out for his best interest. Maybe somebody who can get him some help if he is doing things that are causing problems in his life... Hopefully that can be you.

 

I'm not sure at all that it will lead to you two getting back together. But it puts you in a position to be involved in his life on a continuing basis. Just make sure that what you are telling him is really in HIS best interest, and that you aren't telling him things just because you are jealous. That's not something a real friend would do. Ok?

 

If you are a good friend to him and get him some help in dealing with his issues, it is likely he will see through the games that "Barbie" is playing.

 

I hope this helps you.

 

avman

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Hi QTpie87,

 

I'm sorry I can't give more "active" advise, I know it's hard to just let things run their course on their own.

 

I think it's best to just let "Kolby" figure out that this other girl is no good on his own. A lot of people (me included) need to see things for themselves to truly understand things. If you try to warn him about her, it will probably just drive them closer together. I would just let him discover her flaws on his own. Eventually, he'll start seeing her for who she really is and leave her.

 

As far as getting him to come back to you, that's going to have to be something he does on his own. You can help him make this decision by being supportive and positive around him. Try to be fun and happy! When you're together, you could mention how certain things remind you of certain fun or happy moments you two have shared. Do this casually and sparsely so it doesn't seem like you're doing this on purpose. This should reignite some positive feelings for you and help him remember what he's losing out on.

 

I hope I've helped you a little. Good luck!

 

-Genji05

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Tell him you want him to change his ways, and that you want to become closer Friends, you can't let this eat you up inside...it just isn't healthy, if kolby really wants to change he will, but he needs the assistance of a supportive friend, and you are that friend..no doubt from what you said you know him best, and he knows you best.

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QTpie,

 

I'll gladly post my thoughts, although I am not sure it's going to be what you want to hear. I promise you that these thoughts come from the bottom of my heart.

 

When people get a hard dose of "reality", like your friend dying, they really start to analyze life. This can cause someone to become temporarily blinded to what it is that makes them happy. The truth is, you can't tell him what is right for him, he has to decide on his own, and that can take time. If the girl he is "seeing" is really not right for him, it will show with time... and if you try too hard to interfere with that, it will just seem as though you are trying to ruin his happiness, even if it's not true happiness. By you trying to tell him what's right and wrong, he may never see the reasons that these things are right or wrong, and thereforeeee he will not have the chance to mature, grow and learn from the situation.

 

So, to sum it all up, I would suggest that you have faith in his judgement, and have faith that he will eventually realize what's best for HIM... even if that means he's not with you.

 

I don't mean to say "give up", I mean to say "believe, but believe inside yourself, and believe that he will do what's best for him". Unfortunately, that means that you can't push him, things will take their course.

 

I wish you both the best in all that you do, take care.

S.A.M.

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QT, this is per your request. I'm sorry that you are so distraught. You have such a neat take on humor. Ex) Monkey jokes, and jokes about pants. But I agree with S.A.M. above.

 

One thing I've learned to this year is to learn from my mistakes. As was said; he needs to learn, grow and find reason in his life. Especially given the circumstances.

 

So know that you are there for him if he needs/asks for any help, and that is the absolute best thing you can do for him now. Our experiences good and bad all help us to grow. So whatever happens, I know that you will find a great guy in your life.

 

-bazook

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thankyou all, but about the last two replys. i respect your opinion. it's just i don't want another guy, i don't care who else would come after me, brad pitt, anyone. i don't care if they were the sweetest, richest, cuddlyest, best guy ever, i love him and only him and even if there was another guy that did treat me better, i wouldn't want him, he is all of the apove except for rich and that means nothing to me. if being with him meant that i had to live naked in the snow and starv i would. i love him and no man can ever out do him, im not saying that any of you are less then him, because no one is better or worse then anyone else, just he is best for me. well thankyou and please keep posting.

love QTpie87

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Qt,

Well I'll give it my best shot

 

I agree with everyone on here that Kolby has to figure this out on his own. If you try to get him to see from your point of view it could possibly make him do things just to spite you.

I am not telling you to back off

I don't remember who wrote it, but you could sit him down and try telling him your feelings and explanations again, and know that you are giving it one last shot.

All you can really do is be there for him as a friend....he'll learn from example. I'm sure if you two were/are as close as you say you were/are than he'll see your thoughts and feelings in your eyes when you look at him and know what he is doing isn't the best thing for him.

Her true colors will come out eventually, you cant do anything to get her true sides to show because it could end up making you look not so good.

 

So just be there for him, keep your head high, and keep thinking positive.

 

Sorry my advice isn't the best...hope it helped somewhat

 

Justagirl

 

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Hey Qt,

Well I know what your going through. But I have to agree with everyone when they say that kolby needs to figure this one on his own. I am going to say something that you dont want to hear. But here I go. IF you do really love him then you would want him to be happy. Right? But you might need to let him go, so he could be happy. I have had to do that my self, and yes it hurts but it was for the best. I told my self that I could not love someone else but guss what I have fell in love with someone else. I hope that this helps you, and good luck.

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I was in the same situation a few years ago, me and my bf broke up and we were togeather for a very long time like not even a month after we broke up he was hanging around all these girls flirting and doing all this stuff with them right in front of me he didnt even care and it was with a girl that was know to be a slut, It hurt me very badly I tried to talk to him about it and tell him how I felt but he kept on doing it. I eventually stopped caring after 6 months of not eating sleeping and all that you have mentioned. I relized that I have to try to do things to keep my mind off of him.

 

My advice to you is try to preoccupie yourself even if you dont feel like it. Force yourself to hang out with your friends or something and even if you still feel depressed while hanging out with them you will notice that you dont think about him as much as you would by yourself, Time will heal.

 

Becareful with the not eating too, I lost 20 pounds in two weeks because I was deoressed and stopped eating the least you can do is try to snack on light things like grapes or something you think your stomach can handle that wont be to harsh and drink plenty of water.

Good Luck and Stay Strong

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