men are only friends with girls because...

[Girl79]

some women don't see that guys around them actually do want them. guys can pick up on it. but it sounds like he doesn't trust you a bit. why would you give them the opportunity?

 

Nah he trusts me completely.. he has no problems when I hang out with my guy buddies. He is just one of those people who believe that men and women can't be true friends because one would always have sex with the other, given the opportunity/chance if they were both not in other relationships. I don't agree. And no of course I wouldn't give them the opportunity. I'm faithful and always will be.

[ghost69]

Nah he trusts me completely.. he has no problems when I hang out with my guy buddies. He is just one of those people who believe that men and women can't be true friends because one would always have sex with the other, given the opportunity/chance if they were both not in other relationships. I don't agree. And no of course I wouldn't give them the opportunity. I'm faithful and always will be.

 

that's what i'm saying. how does one have sex with another but the other doesn't have sex back? if they both weren't in relationships (ie. your buddies and you) this wouldn't be an issue cause your bf would be out of the picture. but it's great he trusts you. that should be all that matters.

 

i've pointed this out to an ex of mine. some guy she worked with. she didn't believe me. she would tell me about how much he wants to help her with everything at work, wants to take her to lunch (she never went of course), etc. i told her this guy more than likely has a thing for her and wants to get with her. well, it happened. he asked her out after trying to make a move on her. lol. didn't bother me one bit. she shut him down.

[ghost69]

also, i'd like to add, the guy friends you ride bikes with might want to sleep with you. doesn't mean they are friends with you because of this. sounds more to me like you all ride bikes and it's a common interest you share with them. but i 100% agree with the way your bf thinks in the fact that when males and females hang out, sometimes attraction happens and sometimes it doesn't. in your case, it sounds as if some guys are more than likely attracted to you.

[Girl79]

Yeah I think you are right about guys being able to see when another guy likes a girl. Girls can be oblivious to it. I think that my bf thinks that even though I am friends with these guys, if we were to break up, they would be after me for more than a friendship. And well, I guess to a certain extent he may be right.

[Excalibur]

Girl79,

 

Take it from another female in a male dominated passionate interest. The guys you bike with see you as hip and cool - you're a dude without a di.ck...they'd all like to do you if you were willing, figuring you'd know it was just sexual gratification. None of them want to date you - they want to date 'girlie girls".

 

if you'd acknowledge to your boyfriend "hey, if I was willing to drop my jeans, they'd all have a desire to insert and exert" - you two could stop having the argument.

 

You keep thinking he's saying they're interested in you in terms of dating....and he's telling you that as a "dude without a di.ck" - they'd all be willing to do you but in a race against them on the bikes - they'd all be willing to see you faceplant as they speed past going "that's how it goes dude".

[Girl79]

LOL Who says I'm not a girlie girl? When I did become single for a little while, a few of them did hit on me, asked me out and stuff. Whether they wanted to have sex or a girlfriend didn't really matter. But those who did try to make a move, I don't hang out with anymore.. whats the point? Not interested!

The guys I do ride with are BUDDIES. And if we ever raced and I faceplanted.. well I can guarantee they'd stop to see if I was ok

[Excalibur]

I get that you're a girlie girl by your defniition - but look around at the girls they date - and you'd likely consider them "damsels in distress". And that is thier preference in dating.

 

They're willing to date Xena Warrior Princess....becuase it would mean less work and effort as they'd interpret it.

 

but you'd be hardpressed to see whta I'm talking about- until you dated one of them and instead of them treating you as they did the other girlfriends, they treated you as they do now -with sex in the mix.

 

Youu might ask some of the men on this forum,, or in your life - if they've ever dated a girl and formed a relationship with her - after having been associated with her as an "equal" in a shared passionate interest that was male dominated. They'd be better able to explain it.

 

If whenever you show up dressed "girlie girl" around your running cycle buddies and they give you the "wow, you clean up good" attitude - that really tells you all youo need to know. If they dont' race and train and deal with you as an equal in the interest, if you're not beating some of them in races, if you're not training at their level - that also tells you what you need to know if you know what to look for.

[Girl79]

You are so right. I actually did date a riding buddy for a few months. Let's just say it wasn't exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. It was friendship with sex, just as you decribed. Right on the money with that one! And I LOL'd to the "you clean up good" because I've heard that one before too From work buddies AND riding buddies ( I work in a male dominated work force too)

[Imprecision]

In my previous two comments, I were disgusted by the general view that men cannot have female friends without secretly hitting on them.

 

Now, I simply feel sorry for them, because they'll never know the pure joy of meeting up with a female friend back from the old days. With a good female friend, you can talk about whatever you want. You know that she will look out for you. No one can take away the comradery between you. Not even time. In fact, the older you get, the more you realise how precious these friendships are. If I wanted a girlfriend, I can hit on any random girl at the bar. But a true female friend is rare.

[Seymore]

Ick...not so. I have been friends with a girl I went to high school with for the last 10 or so years. Never once thought about hooking up with her, even when single. She gives good advice, that's it.

[Excalibur]

In my experience, men can be friends only with women.

 

It is rarely women would will involve in a friendship that doesn't involve them receiving alot of attention, prioritization, and pursuit by men.

 

That is not the case if both the male and female share a passionate interest or a particular endeavor in which they are both equally proficient and successful.

[Daddy Bear]

Men will only be friends with a girl if:

(a) they are interested and want some future hook up / relationship

(b) have already had some sort of hook up

© have already kissed the girl

 

Discuss

 

Nope, nope. Some girls are just cool people in the Bearbook.

[Imprecision]

It is rarely women would will involve in a friendship that doesn't involve them receiving alot of attention, prioritization, and pursuit by men.

 

That's not true. Not all women are self-centred. Some women understand basic ideas like comradery and loyalty.

 

Some women I hang out with only because they are women. If they were guys, I wouldn't tolerate their behaviour. Other women (whom I respect very much) are as good friends to me as my guy friends.

 

Friendship is more important than romantic relationships. This was recognised throughout the old world, including Renaissance Europe, Ancient Greece and Rome, China (classical and modern), etc. The proverb goes, "A wife is like your clothe; but a true brother is like your arm." This is because true friendship lasts forever. Relationships are volatile. They often break up in a few years. The other proverb goes "A man dies for the friend who understands him." Your spouse doesn't necessarily understand you. But a true friend, whether female or male, must understand you.

 

The major exception is when your spouse is also a true friend. That's the best scenario.

 

Anyway, I really like my female friends. I treasure their friendship. I entirely disagree with the hypothesis. Maybe it's true for some guys. But that reflects poorly on their character. (It likewise reflects poorly on a woman's character if she can't be friends with guys.)

[Excalibur]

My point is that men - if they consider the woman a friend - they regard her against the same criteria to establish that title for her - as they do their male friends.

 

If women consider a man a friend - quite often it is becuase he'll sit around and listen to her, prioritize her, give her attention...which makes her feel good about herself. She has a different criteria for her female friends - who cannot make her like herself more with attention.

[Imprecision]

If women consider a man a friend - quite often it is becuase he'll sit around and listen to her, prioritize her, give her attention...which makes her feel good about herself. She has a different criteria for her female friends - who cannot make her like herself more with attention.

 

Not all women are like this. Some women use the "male criteria" at least when they're hanging out with old buddies.

 

The type of woman which you describe - I would hang out with her only if I wanted to get with her. But I wouldn't consider them a homegirl or a true friend or anyone cool.

 

Exceptions

 

Sometimes a girl says she likes hanging out with guys, not for the attention, but for the openness. Usually you can tell quickly whether that's true. For instance, once I was hanging out with a Scandinavian girl. How I regret ever having met her! She abused the basic ettiquettes of friendship. She had no sense of loyalty. She flirted with every guy we hung out with. Clearly, she had a unique understanding of "openness."

 

That being said, many women are cool. They make good friends. They don't hog attention. They aren't self-centred. In fact, they're probably better than most guys (who are boastful and arrogant).

[Got2getit]

OP is correct.

 

I'm in a relationship, but I'm only still friends with girls who...if my girl and I broke up with...I would be interested in having sex with.

 

In addition, the only ugly girls I am friends with are girls who have hot friends and can put in a good word for me. That's life.

[ghost69]

OP is correct.

 

I'm in a relationship, but I'm only still friends with girls who...if my girl and I broke up with...I would be interested in having sex with.

 

In addition, the only ugly girls I am friends with are girls who have hot friends and can put in a good word for me. That's life.

 

i think we need to define friends. not acquaintances you see out on the town on weekends or you talk every once in a while. those aren't official friends to me.

[matman]

If you change "men" to "boys" you might be a little bit closer to a passable generalisation.

What about FWBs - are the men involved in those all boys? Lot's of people on here disagree.

 

Actually, a *very* good friend of mine is female. However, we did use to date back in HS, never slept together but over the years she's gained more & more weight which made it easier to be friends.

 

Bottom line is, it's hard to be friends with someone you're attracted to. It's just human nature. This is why friendship with an ugly girl is the best, if you're not attracted to her you can hang out with her for who she is. She will give you the female perspective, hook you up with her friends, etc. - all the benefits with none of the hardships.

 

As far as true friendship with an attractive girl: not going to work. If you're both good looking you'll eventually hook up. Disclaimer: if she's hot and you're ugly it might work since you won't hook up, but do you really want to torture yourself so?

Yep, but you're kind of using the "ugly" girl here to get at her friends.

Not many men are friends with ugly girls.

The ones that are truly friends with ugly girls soon see past that and start to like them for who they are.

 

i think we need to define friends. not acquaintances you see out on the town on weekends or you talk every once in a while. those aren't official friends to me.

Friends can be anyone you see often whether in a group or personally.

I suppose even acquaintances are friends.

A true friend is some you would rely on I suppose in times of need.

[15 Storeys High]

I have plenty of friends who are female who's knickers I don't want to get into. Some would be considered very attractive, some not. The difference is that I respect them as friends. I don't need to have sex or try it on with every woman I meet to make me feel like a man.

[matman]

OP is correct.

 

I'm in a relationship, but I'm only still friends with girls who...if my girl and I broke up with...I would be interested in having sex with.

 

In addition, the only ugly girls I am friends with are girls who have hot friends and can put in a good word for me. That's life.

 

Does your GF know this?

This is exactly how I think the large majority of men are even if the girl thinks they are friends. Yes, I agree it's a generalization, not 100% of men are like this, but the alpha male types interested in sex, FWB relationships, etc. are.

Either that or they have a lingering feeling/fantasy and need the attention...though I'd say male attention is more the female domain.

[Superfreak]

Does your GF know this?

This is exactly how I think the large majority of men are even if the girl thinks they are friends. Yes, I agree it's a generalization, not 100% of men are like this, but the alpha male types interested in sex, FWB relationships, etc. are.

 

I disagree. I think the alpha male types are out actually asking out girls they're interested in as opposed to pining away for them in silence.

[tiredofvampires]

In conclusion, only two types of people can believe in the hypothesis:

a. Desperate. Desperate guys cannot have true friendship with women. For them, sex always comes first.

b. Slavish. Here, "slavish" refers to the inability to appreciate human comradery. A slavish person only ever looks out for himself. He cannot have true friends, much less true women friends. He is loyal to no one. Of course, since he doesn't understand loyalty, he can't believe loyalty to exist in anyone else. (If you believe that male/female interaction is always sexual, then how can any spouse remain loyal? Even greeting mailman in the morning requires strenuous discipline in resisting lust.)

 

Maybe some women will back me up on this.

 

Precisely, Imprecision. I back you up 200%.

[matman]

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imprecision View Post

In conclusion, only two types of people can believe in the hypothesis:

a. Desperate. Desperate guys cannot have true friendship with women. For them, sex always comes first.

b. Slavish. Here, "slavish" refers to the inability to appreciate human comradery. A slavish person only ever looks out for himself. He cannot have true friends, much less true women friends. He is loyal to no one. Of course, since he doesn't understand loyalty, he can't believe loyalty to exist in anyone else. (If you believe that male/female interaction is always sexual, then how can any spouse remain loyal? Even greeting mailman in the morning requires strenuous discipline in resisting lust.)

 

Maybe some women will back me up on this.

Precisely, Imprecision. I back you up 200%.

 

Precisely, Imprecision. I back you up 200%.

 

To further clarify, my OP was aimed at single men and women.

I firmly believe you can be friends with women when there are unwritten/written barriers about them being off limits, e.g. married, they are seeing your best friend, etc. I would never go there in those situations and have never developed feelings because it's off limits in my brain.

Conversely, once you have "gone there" with a friend, while single, the two of you are no longer officially friends. One or both of you will have a lingering fantasy or thought about the night(s), otherwise why would it have been initiated in the first place.

[ColdHands...]

Wow! I'm actually really surprised at some of these responses. Think some people need to look into what friendship actually involves. Theres more to life than sex...

[AhoyConcept]

I've had plenty of friends that were girls and never once did either of us have any interest in each other a side from being just friends. One of them I've known since 8th grade, one of my first girlfriends was (and still is) a friend of hers and we just never looked at each other as anything else.

 

Trust me I know full well why this generalization exists, but friendship usually is the first step to a relationship so while it may seem like majority of folks are only friends for other reasons there still are people out there who genuinely just want to be friends with no strings attached.