Issues with mother

[Tephon]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. I'm 22 and she's a year younger.

 

Throughout the relationship, my mother has completely ignored the fact she's part of my life. I have tried to organise meets/dinners to no avail. She has taken no interest in her whatsoever. If I spend a night at hers, I will be ignored the next day.

 

She seems insecure/overprotective. I thought she might have NPD but I do not think that its that extreme.

She seems to think it is immoral to spend time with her in 'locked rooms' as its not wholesome... I think its plainly ridiculous given my age. My decisions are never respected in regards to how I live my life. Its her way or the highway.

 

Just a rant, but curious as to how others would deal with this; whether experienced a similar situation or not.

[Shalron]

id tell her that its none of her business and if you wanna date her then your mother has no say in the matter and should just deal with it

[Tephon]

Thats the thing. She's not intrusive and she doesn't have a problem with my girlfriend personally. She knows I'm not going to stop dating her because its not -her- ideal scenario for me to be in. Its just an annoying situation to be in.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Maybe it is time you move out of the house and got your own place (not to move in with your girlfriend, but simply so that you break away from your mother's negativity). What your mother is doing is passive aggressive behaviour. Her digs are coming out in passive ways...the silent treatment, the unwillingness to have anything to do with your girlfriend. She will not change..this is who she is. The only thing you can do is realize it is her problem not yours. Chances are no matter how old you get, your mother will still do these things...this is ingrained in her personality. Don't take it personally (I know, easier said than done), just live your life regardless of her disapproval.

[Tephon]

Thanks Crazy, problem is I still have a year left of university, and until then no real options to move out. I know as soon as I can I will. It just annoys me that I can't see a way to work things out, and I assume I'll begin to lose contact with my mother as such.

[Kalika]

Tephon

Let me give you another perspective.. You're in your early 20s, an adult of course but in many ways, still a dependent child - from your mother's perspective. Believe me, whether you want to admit it or not, you're still young and have a lot of experience to gain.

 

That being said, since you say you have no options about moving out, I would try to respect your mother's rules. Like you said, only a year left.

[Tephon]

Kalika, I haven't disobeyed any of her rules. I am a very considerate person in our household, to all members of my family. However, I am still treated as her property, and when something I do doesn't coincide with her ideal wishes, I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to accommodate for her insecurities. Dating someone (a very well mannered, goal-orientated person at that) shouldn't put me in this situation.

 

I am young, but even so, I can differentiate between right and wrong. Simply, I shouldn't be made unhappy because of what I want from life. I just thought a mother would be someone to help me embrace the things I'd like from life, not ignore them.