My ex's (psycho) new girlfriend

[tetur]

More of a vent than anything because I'm so angry right now!

 

First off, I know, it's all so easy to name call when your ex is now dating someone else. But I feel justified in calling her psycho. Let me explain what has happened in the past couple of weeks.

 

My ex and I work together and live accross the hall from each other so we've remained in LC. I posted something on my blog one day and mentioned his name. It was very innocent. Something like "I ran into K today and we had a pleasant conversation"

 

The next day he comes to me and asks if I had forwarded my blog to anyone (I hadn't) because his gf had received an email with a link to my blog and some snide remarks. She tried to pin it on me, telling him that I was trying to cause trouble with them but she wasn't jealous so it didn't matter. It just annoyed her.

 

I asked him to have her forward the email but she (conveniently) had already deleted it. When she couldn't cough up the email I added an IP tracker. I didn't believe for a second that she hadn't made the whole thing up to get him mad at me.

 

So every weekday, 2-4 times a day, I would have a hit from an IP in the area she works in BUT the company name the IP was linked to wasn't the one she worked for. (can I just say, 2-4 times a day seems a bit obsessive for a blog that averages maybe 1 blog a week don't you think?)

 

A couple of weeks pass and last night I posted a blog and made a reference to holding a conversation with him and another guy after work yesterday.

 

Today, no surprise, he gets another email from his gf saying she got another email with a link to my blog and a comment that said "If you want to know where your bf was last night he was having the BEST time"

This time she forwarded him the email. The address it came from included part of my name. I asked him to have her forward it again with the headers attached. She did but she deleted 1/2 of the header information.

 

I finally told him that I thought she was doing this. I told him I knew a way to figure out if it was her and if it wasn't I would be more that happy to admit that I was wrong and apologize for accusing her.

 

I showed him my IP log and that there had only been hits from 3 IPs today. His, mine at work and this mysterious one that had viewed my blog 2 minutes before the email had been sent to her. I then asked him to send me the header information from an email she had sent him while she was at work. He was on his way home and said he would as soon as he got there.

 

He called me when he got home and said he found out that the name of the company the IP address was linked to was the parent company for the one she worked for.

 

So basically she went through the trouble of creating a fake email, emailing herself, forwarding it to him saying "I don't care that you still talk to her why does whoever this is keep doing this?" AND (because I was now curious what she may have said on her on blog) I looked at her blog and she actually posted a blog about this fake email and that the person who sent it should stop because she really didn't care that he was talking to me.

 

P-S-Y-C-H-O

 

Of course he things she's his gift from God so he immediately jumped to her defense saying she's just a little jealous because she wants to meet me (why????) and he won't introduce us (because I have no desire to meet her and see no reason why I should have to).

I told him if their relationship was as great as he said why couldn't she just TELL him she was uncomfortable with us talking instead of doing all of this and that this went WAY beyond the realm of normal jealousy.

 

He hadn't talked to her yet but her car was in the parking lot when I got home so I'm waiting for him to contact me to tell me what lame excuse she gave that I'm certain he probably believed.

 

The thing is, even though I know we're not going to get back together right now I know I'll be disappointed if he doesn't break up with her over this. I know I will lose quite a bit of respect for him (despite our break up I had a huge amount of respect for him for things beyond our relationship)

 

*sigh*

 

Thanks for listening.

[dream83]

Wow. Sounds like she could stand to grow up a little...and not be quite so coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

[Anna.]

Whoa. She took that waaaay too far.

[alli]

That sounds like a lot of drama just for a blog. Her actions are a bit dramatic, but you could accept your responsibility in the drama as well. If the conversations you had with your ex were really nothing, did you really need to write about them in a blog where you, your ex & his gf are the only ones reading it? You could only allow certain people to see your blog, you could change to a new URL for your blog, you could avoid mentioning your ex in your blog, or you could continue what your doing and completely ignore the new gf's rants. That just sounds like a big headache that could be pretty easily avoided. Unless you secretly take pleasure in getting under the new gf's skin.

[shes2smart]

Too much drama.

 

Can't control her. Can't control your ex. Only person you can control is you.

 

Unless you WANT to be in the middle of this, you might want to consider self-censoring your blog. I have a blog in the journals section here and there's plenty of stuff I don't write about because I don't necessarily want to deal with anyone I *might* know reading it. Is it really harming your self-expression to NOT mention you spoke with your ex? You always have the option of old fashioned journaling if you really have something you need to write out...ink & paper and it would take extraordinary effort on another person's part to read it.

 

If she's that whacked that she's sending emails to herself and trying to make it look like they're from YOU, and she's told your ex she wants to meet you (....creepy....), then I'd be distancing myself as much as possible. Put it under the category of "watching out for oneself."

 

In short, I wouldn't be giving her any fuel to add to the psycho-fire. I'd be keepin' a low profile and stayin' outta her way because I don't need that kinda BS. If that means a more distant relationship with the ex, so be it. He chose Crazy...and what happens when people choose Crazy is their friends tend to find reasons to not spend quite so much time with them anymore.

[thejigsup]

I have an idea! DON'T POST ANYTHING ABOUT HIM ON YOUR BLOG! Problem solved. Simple, isn't it?

[tetur]

I never said him. his gf and I were the only ones that read my blog. I have several friends that read my blog.

 

It's my blog. I shouldn't have to censor myself. It was a brief couple of lines about a conversation I had with him and another co-worker about something else posted in the blog. Nothing about us or our relationship has ever been posted on the blog. And I have never written anything to coerce her. She's the one that went over the edge with this. So why am I having to defend myself?

 

And for the record, going forward there will be no more blogs period. That part of the problem will be solved - but she'll still be psycho.

[shes2smart]

It's my blog. I shouldn't have to censor myself. It was a brief couple of lines about a conversation I had with him and another co-worker about something else posted in the blog. Nothing about us or our relationship has ever been posted on the blog. And I have never written anything to coerce her. She's the one that went over the edge with this. So why am I having to defend myself?

 

A blog is not like an ink & paper journal, but a lot of people want to treat it like it is. If you're going to write things in a venue where anyone could potentially see it, then you have to realize that that, well, ANYONE could potentially see it -- including people you wouldn't want to see it like a current or future employer or some psycho or some stalker-type or an ex you'd rather not have contact with or your parents and so forth. You cannot control who is going to read it or how they are going to respond to what you've written (however innocuous you think it is)...you can only control what you choose to post online.

 

There are people who have been fired from jobs because of things they've posted in their blogs.

 

As for why you're having to defend yourself...well, because there are people in the world who are a few fries short of a happy meal. Lemme tell ya little story about my husband's psycho ex. Girlfriend is not only crazy but vindictive and greedy. We've had to go to court several times to defend ourselves against her stupidity....to the tune of about $10k in lawyer bills and mess clean-up....most of which came out money I'd saved before I ever met my husband. So, in life, sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not and clean up messes that aren't of your making to watch out for yourself and/or those you love.

 

If you want to write and not censor yourself, get a notebook and a pen.

[dreamwarrior]

She wants to meet you so she can size you up.

[odile]

Yes, a lot of stupid drama. if you and your ex are still friends, I would see nothing strange about her wanting to meet you. Seems to me you're just as weird as she is for caring so much as to log the IP addresses of who's looking... stirring the fire, so to speak.

 

if you really think she *is* psycho, you may want to do as some others have suggested, and adjust your privacy settings on the blog, because the internet is not really a private place, and it's just silly to post things on the web that you wouldn't want anyone/everyone to read.

 

My guess is more that her insecurities are just making her act retarded. Just to play devil's advocate-- If it is her looking at the blog numerous times, I can imagine that if she's doing it from work, it may be a simple matter of her closing a window when she's meant to be working, and logging back on when she has a spare moment to read the rest. This may be a long shot, but is it possible that a friend/co-worker of hers knows the story, and was taunting her with the emails? I agree that the oddest part would be if she has fabricated the whole anonymous email thing herself. She should have just told her bf straight up that she saw your blog, and was feeling uncomfortable, and gone from there. But, either way, that should be your ex-bf's concern, not yours. And why is he involving you in it, anyway?

 

Diffuse the situation by telling your ex that the next time he wants to hang out, that you meet with a few mutual friends, and he can invite her along. And definitely be smart about what you share with either of them.

[tetur]

Resolution, of sorts

Before he could tell me whatever the reasons / excuses were that she gave him I told him I didn't want to hear them. I knew I likely wouldn't believe whatever she'd said, even though he had, and I knew it would just get me mad all over again. So why bother? It wouldn't change anything.

 

I also told him I didn't want contact with him outside of what we had at work - which is rather limited. (He didn't look too happy about that but hey, he's the one that said when he started dating her last month that she was worth the risk of losing my presense in his life.)

 

As for the blog. It's gone.