lady00 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Any tips on avoiding scaring men off and avoiding appearing too needy and too interested in the early stages of dating when you really like the guy but haven't been seeing each other for long? I think that I do both of these things and I'm trying to move away from that. Any advice you have...I'm all ears! Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hehe, yeah - I'd really like to know that too, lady. Help us out, people! Link to comment
JustWantToBeFree Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Well, don`t rely on him for every want and need! haha. Make sure you give him a little wiggle room, and try not to contact him over and over and over and over lol. Most guys are rather...hmmm...shall we say...small minded. they can only think about one thing at a time, so make sure you don`t overload him with your problems,life choices or anything to do with clothing lol Let him take his own `guy time`when he needs it, and don`t smother him with lovey dovey things either! sheesh, men are so picky aren`t they? Haha. (Make sure you don't ask him to do things for you, they'll go nuts!) Haha, but give him a little pat on the head for the good little deeds he does Link to comment
Overburdened Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Just be yourself. Everyone is different. Give him too much space... he might find someone else... give him too little space.. he might find someone else. I tried to give my ex some space in the beginning and he cheated on me right away.(but we had been through it before & he is a horrible person) Maybe you should call him and say "I really like you. Gotta go now!" HAHA. Link to comment
SupaflyTNT Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Any tips on avoiding scaring men off and avoiding appearing too needy and too interested in the early stages of dating when you really like the guy but haven't been seeing each other for long? I think that I do both of these things and I'm trying to move away from that. Any advice you have...I'm all ears! Remain light and fun in the early stages. Get to know each other when you hang out but don't depend on him for fun, or anything for that matter. When he calls, be prompt in returning his calls and accept dates when you're available, but don't cancel plans you already have. Suggest alternate times if a conflict occurs. DO NOT call him up randomly and try to meet up with him. That can get annoying because he has his own life and it makes it look like you don't have one and you're trying to make him it. Those are a few pointers. These are all points that any guy should follow too, except the guy should be initiating contact in the early stages. But in no way should you depend on each other for a life. Live your own life, dating is just a small part of it. Hope this helps somewhat. Link to comment
JustWantToBeFree Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Yeah...I still have a right to be happy. I'm trying to just live on the way I am. I have a right to be happy, and nothing, not even abuse like that, should be able to take away my happiness. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Most guys are intimidated by me, so I had trouble finding one that accepted my intelligence and didn't feel it was a affront to his manhood. Took a good while to weed through them all to get to the good one. Link to comment
Russ Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Wow, this was like being slapped in the face by my monitor, several times, reading through this. One, it depends on the type of guy. For example me, I'm not "small-minded" and I'm not "afraid" of an intelligent girl. Hell, I've been looking for an intelligent girl for the longest time. I've got a problem of an older mindset, so I either have to date older [which simply doesn't work at my current age], or I have to dumb myself down. The best advice was someone giving it in the first few posts. Be yourself. If the guy doesn't like you for who you are, you're not going to fool him. We're not as stupid as implied. You can fool a guy for a few weeks, but sooner or later you'll forget to put on whatever act you're putting on, and out will come the real you. And everyone will be hurt and upset and confused because things were going so great, and suddenly they're not. Be yourself. Link to comment
anon001 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 the more I get into this the more I realize that the only way to do that is to not be needy. It really doesn't matter what you do. If you feel needy, you'll be attracted to people who have an upper hand in a conversation, that makes you look needy. I'm struggling with the same problem. but just in general, your true colors show through no matter what. You would have to be a hypnotist to get around that Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Sorry about the sidebar OP...I struggle with the same thing...it is so hard to know where the line is on being interested to being clingy...I think for the 1st bit you have to know what you want to do and do the exact opposite lol!!! Its a will power thing and it SUCKS!!! but it can pay off when the guy becomes more comfortable and open with you! Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Sorry about the sidebar OP...I struggle with the same thing...it is so hard to know where the line is on being interested to being clingy...I think for the 1st bit you have to know what you want to do and do the exact opposite lol!!! Its a will power thing and it SUCKS!!! but it can pay off when the guy becomes more comfortable and open with you! Pretty much. It is almost like doing the opposite of what you want to do. Or at least some of what you want to do. I become so clingy, and scare a lot of guys off. Like, they love me at first. I'm a natural flirt, and can be funny it seems - and I'm pretty OK at getting guys attracted to me. But, it's when I actually like them that' s the problem! Because then I become too clingy. Grrr...this dating game is haarrdd. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 dating SUCKS!!! i can't believe i am back in that world...i would rather have teeth pulled lol!!! Link to comment
Russ Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Pretty much. It is almost like doing the opposite of what you want to do. Or at least some of what you want to do. I become so clingy, and scare a lot of guys off. Like, they love me at first. I'm a natural flirt, and can be funny it seems - and I'm pretty OK at getting guys attracted to me. But, it's when I actually like them that' s the problem! Because then I become too clingy. Grrr...this dating game is haarrdd. dating SUCKS!!! i can't believe i am back in that world...i would rather have teeth pulled lol!!! Agreed. Except for the teeth part. I'm rather attached to my teeth. Link to comment
chocolates Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 This post isnt about intelligence, its about not scaring guys off with being too available or too clingy. It seems to me that the sad fact is that even if you are interested in a guy, you have to pretty much do the opposite of what you feel ike doing. I mean you have to let them know somehow that you ARE interested, but after that you pretty much have to simply not call. I am in my 30's and Im only just learning this. All my experiences so far tell me that really this is the way a girl has to be. Its like, in so many areas of our lives it is ok to be assertive, "going for what you want" but when it comes to getting a guy, I dont think anything has changed. we may as well be still in the fifties as far as that is concerned. So basically if you want to call and ask him out- dont Don't return texts or calls straight away- it looks like you have nothing better to do However always return a call, but within 24 hrs Never call on a Friday or a weekend to see if he wants to go out... I could go on, but my corset is stopping the blood from reaching my brain....... So pathetic........ Link to comment
Russ Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 So sending the guy all the signals that you couldn't care less. See how long he'll wait before he moves on. I understand where you're coming from, and I wouldn't wait around for weeks for her to make up her mind. Plying head games is a sure-fire way to lose the dude. Link to comment
chocolates Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 So sending the guy all the signals that you couldn't care less. See how long he'll wait before he moves on. I understand where you're coming from, and I wouldn't wait around for weeks for her to make up her mind. Plying head games is a sure-fire way to lose the dude. no its not acting like you couldnt care less. its sort of a delicate balancing act- like giving enough so he knows you are interested- ie returning calls (but not straight away) Its basically giving him the impression (rightly or wrongly) that you world doesnt spin because of him - that you are busy- and maybe if things go well - you could let him be a big part of your busy schedule.. Seriously I KNOW how pathetic this sounds- but this is based on real life experience , and many many mistakes LOL LOL Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 To the OP: my advice is to have more of a mentality of letting him prove that he is worthy of you instead of putting yourself out there too much. I'm not saying that you have to become full of pride and snobby. I believe there is a healthy balance somewhere. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Sad but true. ](*,):splat: Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 So sending the guy all the signals that you couldn't care less. See how long he'll wait before he moves on. I understand where you're coming from, and I wouldn't wait around for weeks for her to make up her mind. Plying head games is a sure-fire way to lose the dude. A The funny thing is If I was to meet a girl who was on the same as attractiveness as one of the girl who was showing a little more interest, that's where I would start focusing my attention. I think females have to realize that I'm not looking for a phone call everyday, ONCE a week would be fine because it would atleast confirm that you are interested and not just playing this-"you have to come get me game" And i can tell that's what it is because every contact i have made to this girl she responds to emails the same day and phone calls the next day. It's so obvious Link to comment
brian123 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 dating SUCKS!!! i can't believe i am back in that world...i would rather have teeth pulled lol!!! Agreed. I am back in this strange strange world as well with all of these "rules." I think you just need to be yourself. If the guy likes you, and you don't act foolish, then there isnt much you can do to keep him away. From now on, I will play by the "rules" for a bit, then just do my own thing. If I like her, then ill go for it, if not, it wasn't meant to be. I don't really play games. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Agreed. I am back in this strange strange world as well with all of these "rules." I think you just need to be yourself. If the guy likes you, and you don't act foolish, then there isnt much you can do to keep him away. From now on, I will play by the "rules" for a bit, then just do my own thing. If I like her, then ill go for it, if not, it wasn't meant to be. I don't really play games. Then sometimes I will say-"i will not initiate any contact for 5 days and see what happens" then the other side me says-"well by doing that you may lose out to another guy" So so frustrating Link to comment
brian123 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Then sometimes I will say-"i will not initiate any contact for 5 days and see what happens" then the other side me says-"well by doing that you may lose out to another guy" So so frustrating I kind of think like that too. But if she finds another guy better than you in 5 days, she obviously wasn't that in to you in the 1st place, so really it is a blessing in disguise. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I kind of think like that too. But if she finds another guy better than you in 5 days, she obviously wasn't that in to you in the 1st place, so really it is a blessing in disguise. It could be a guy that i'm currently competing with and by stopping contact, he may increase his and I may lose out Link to comment
brian123 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 It could be a guy that i'm currently competing with and by stopping contact, he may increase his and I may lose out ehhh IDK. Personally, if a girl makes that decision in a few days, then I dont want to be with the girl. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 scaring guys off: -when you contact the guy and ask what he is doing and he says he's going out or is already out with the boys, don't invite yourself -don't get mad he went out somewhere without you -don't ask too deep of questions about their family so early on -don't be a question monger and just fire questions at them and not talk about yourself at all -if you ask about their past don't ask 'why? why? why?' like what they did was something bad. it's the past and YOU asked so leave it at that -don't give the guy tips about his place and how to decorate or tidy up -don't talk about exs so much Link to comment
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