What I've learned from my recently-ended relationship.

[TBE_1989]

I think I've learned a lot in the time I spent with my ex. I just thought I'd write them out here, for my own sake. Some of the things I learned are complimentary to my ex, others are critical of him, others are complimentary to myself, others are critical of myself. Still, I am eternally grateful for what I've learned from this relationship

 

 

 

-Firstly – let’s get the mushiness out of the way! – I have learned that nice, sensitive, intelligent, caring, honest, fun, trustworthy guys with similar interests as me DO exist. I just hope there is more than one…

 

-I have learned that getting ready to go out while hoping to yourself I hope he is drunk by the time I get there is a BIG red flag.

 

 

-Likewise, I have learned that NEVER being able to tell if your SO is drunk or sober is a big red flag.

 

 

-I have learned that I shouldn’t contemplate dating someone who may have a drinking problem.

 

 

-I have learned it’s a bad idea to say ''I love you'' for the first time when drunk. I’ve learned so much about alcohol from this relationship!

 

 

-I have learned that I can be quite selfish and attention-seeking in the beginning of relationships.

 

 

-I have learned that sex is something which is only to be enjoyed with someone I am in love with. When I look back on our intimate times, it is exactly that – the intimacy, the closeness, the romance – that I will value more than anything. Losing my virginity to him reaffirmed my belief that sex is something very emotionally important and special to me. I never want to experience it with someone who I don’t love.

 

 

 

-I have learned that I often put a disproportionate amount of emphasis on romantic moments as opposed to what really matters in relationships – laughing, chatting, sharing etc.

 

 

-I have learned that romantic moments can and do actually happen – it isn’t just for the movies!

 

 

-I have learned that I CAN trust people.

 

 

-I have learned that I make my SO my EVERYTHING and this has both good and bad sides to it.

 

 

- I have learned that I can be very dependent on my SO, especially when it comes to my moods and efficiency at getting things done. When things are fine with the SO, everything is fine. When things are wonderful with the SO, everything is wonderful. When things are bad with the SO, everything is bad. This is not necessarily a good thing!

 

 

-I have learned that setbacks, problems, and fights are normal and ok, most of the time. They do not automatically signal the end of a relationship.

 

 

-I have learned that putting two conflict-avoiding people together in a relationship can ultimately cause more conflict when something goes wrong, through passive-aggressiveness and showing your anger in indirect ways etc.

 

 

-I have learned that TALKING and communicating about problems is by far the best way to solve them. This is my one main regret about the relationship - we should have done this more often.

 

 

-I have learned that relationships have ups and downs.

 

 

-I have learned that looks aren’t everything.

 

 

-I have learned that it’s important to stand up for myself, and I will do this more in future relationships if I am unhappy about something.

 

 

-I have learned that I don’t deal well with being in relationships with guys who have major problems showing their feelings.

 

 

-I have learned that I put too much emphasis on calling, texting, e-mailing, etc, instead of the actual time we spend together.

 

 

-I have learned that I am happiest in a relationship when just lying down, talking and chatting.

 

 

-I have learned to strike a balance between not being paranoid but still not ignoring clear warning signs.

 

 

 

-I have learned that when your new SO constantly talks about his ex, it may be yet another red flag.

 

 

-I have learned that it’s really important to me that my ex likes my friends.

 

 

-I have learned how to CALM DOWN and see things rationally!

 

 

-I have learned that external stress can affect a relationship, but it shouldn’t affect it to the point where one party is in tears a lot of the time …

 

 

 

-I have learned that I need someone a good bit older than me. Most teenage girls are more mature than most teenage boys, and thereforeee go for guys a couple years older than them. I am more mature than most teenage girls. Do the math!

 

 

-I have learned that reading your SO’s text messages is not a good idea!!

 

 

-I have learned that I get nervous when seeing my SO, even if we’ve been together for months and months and months.

 

 

-I’ve learned that third parties(eg friends) shouldn’t play a massive role in your relationship.

 

 

 

-I have learned that I CAN cope with breakups!

 

 

 

I will add to this as I reflect more