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LDR - True life tragic love story

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I had to post this somewhere. Right now, I am not in a state to really go into complete detail( still a long post) as the impact of it is unbelievable and it is happening right now.


I was stuck in a bad marriage for many years, and it continued to decline until the point that I could not bear it any more and filed for divorce from my now x-wife in July of 2007. My x is an ill tempered disaster waiting to happen suffering from a severe bi-polar condition, but refuses to seek treatment. It was painful to have to resort to divorce from someone I had been with for so long and with whom I had 2 children that I love so much, but our differences had become insurmountable. It was also a huge relief to me when she moved out of my house on August 1st of 2007. The next several weeks were strange indeed. My 17 year old daughter decided to go with her mom, although we were close, and I was living alone for the first time in over 20 years. I gradually got used to it and after a month or so, I even started to like the time alone. It was also nice to get up in the morning and come home from work without the constant apprehension of getting into a huge fight with my contentious x.


I decided that I did not want to date for a while and that I needed time to think and get my life in order. I thought that maybe in a couple of years, I may be ready for another relationship, but I would be sure to get it right this time, or at least a lot more right than last time. That would take time and caution to figure out.


I was alone a lot during this time and bored. I like the internet and have always been an avid forum poster and blogger on any number of topics. But one thing I was not looking for was romance. It was nowhere in my mind, and I did not go to any forums pertaining to relationships, and avoided any social situations that might lead to dating.


One night I was on a technical related forum, I work in a technical field and I was responding to someones post about a software topic. The person I replied to, replied back to me and we just seemed to hit it off, and the next thing I know, we were talking about lots of things not related to software. One night she asked me if I wanted to IM, so I said 'yeah, I'm not doing anything else, so why not?'


The emailing and Iming went on for weeks. There was no romantic interest from either one of us, we just liked to talk. She was actually married and told me so, and I told her I was just recently divorced. One day out of nowhere, she said that she had a friend that I should meet and that I would really like her. Let me just mention now, this person and her friend lived 600 miles away from me. I laughed and said 'no thanks, even if I were interested, it is too far away, no long distance relationships for me'. My newly found friend and I continued to chat and she kept bringing up her friend, asking me to just email her, that I would really like her. I continued to say no thanks, until one night she told me something about her friend. If I told you what it was, it would not make any sense, so I'll spare the details, but it got my attention, in a way I cannot describe, it was a dejavu type of moment, like I was suddenly hearing about someone that I somehow knew, but that I had never known. It was a very strange moment. I said no thanks and please give it up again, but the matter had my attention. I could not get it out of my mind. Over the next few days, it would just keep haunting me and I couldn't shake it off. So finally I emailed her friend and just said 'Hi, I'm xxxxx's friend and just thought I would say hi.


The friend of my IM buddy finally emailed me back and we gradually started up a converstion. All I can say is that it was uncanny from the start. Everything that she would say would strike me with this surreal sense of familiarity, like I know this person, but I have never met her. One day she emailed me and ask me if I wanted to call her. I did. The first time we talked on the phone, it was 2.5 hours and it was unreal the amount of things we had in common and how the conversation was so enjoyable. We continued to call each other a couple times a week and each time, it was the same or better, 3 hours+ of just the most enjoyable conversations that I have ever had in my life, and that uncanny feeling of knowing her would not leave me.


I knew I was in trouble here. I was falling deeply for someone over the phone even though my pragmatic self told me that it was rediculous and impractical to even be entertaining such an idea. But there was no stopping the forces in motion.


We finally decided to meet each other, and it was more than I have ever dreamed of. I knew I loved her the first time I lay eyes on her. When we first touched and kissed, I am not making this up, I would not do so, it was like a surge of electricity passed though my entire body, leaving me practically speechless. The weekend was fantastic, like a real life fairy tale, the best time of my entire life to that point. When we parted to drive our 600 miles aprart, I got about a mile from her and felt a gut wrenching pull like the tearing apart of souls that have became hopelessly intertwined. My phone rang, it was her, she felt it too. Tears were running down my face.


We continued to drive and fly to meet each other frequently over the next several months. Each time it grew more intense. Finally, we decided that we could not be apart and I started making plans to move near her so we could start a new life. She has 2 children in high school, 14 and 17. My 2 children are older, my daughter now 18 and living in the home that I left, and my son on his own. So it was obvious that I should move near her. I did not like where I was living anyways and wanted a fresh start.


On the day that I arrived here, I called my girlfriend, who lives only 11 miles away from the apartment that I secured the month before moving over and let her know that I had arrived. I was very excited. She was not feeling well, having a headache and I asked her if we should just wait until morning, it was aound 8pm in the evening. She said ok, but in a few minutes called me back and said she was on her way over. I was so excited, just like every time before I see her. When she arrived, she seemed to be acting strangely and I was very concerned. She had a headache, but also seemed a little confused and off balance. I wanted to take her to the ER, but she told me she was fine and had already made a doctors appointment for in the morning as she had not been feeling well and that we would drive there tomorrow to the appointment. The next morning, she had a bad headache and seemed even more disoriented so I took her to the local hospital ER. They ran some test and after about 45 minutes, a cat scan they did revealed an abnormal mass in the left portion of her brain. It was a tumor. She was transported to another medical facility and a biopsy revealed a malignant brain tumor that required emergency surgery. The surgery was a sucsess and she recovered remarkably fast.


Over the past few weeks, I stayed with her at her home and cared for her, with her becoming stronger each day. The simple joys that we experienced during that time, just getting up in the morning, preparing meals, taking walks, and enjoying music and other entertainment in the evenings was very precious.


On Thursday, June 19th, 2008, we retired early because she had a headache. At 2am in the morning, she went into seizures and I called 911 and they rushed her to the hospital and she was transferred once again, and had another surgery. Tragically this time, she is not recovering and the surgical team there has thrown in the towel and are giving no hope that she will survive this. She is semi consious now and I do not think she knows who I am, and they expect she has a very short time to live. This is a true story. My girlfriend, the love of my life's name is Helen, she is a beautiful 47 year old mother of 2 children and is now in ICU at Johns Hopkins Bayview Hospital, in Baltimore, MD. Only a miracle will save her and she is already a miracle to me, so I believe. We were to be married on Sept. 21st, 2008, the one year anniversary of our first meeting

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Hyperion, that is one of the saddest stories I have heard on here, and there are many sad stories here.


I'm glad you posted in the Grief forum, too -- there is much support on this site, and you are doing well to post as much as you can about this.


Welcome to ENA and the (very small) subset of ENA to which I belong: Those Who Heal By Writing and Writing and Writing Without Reserve.


When I first came to ENA, only one member responded to me and since then, seeing the site and becoming more savvy about it (I was a TOTAL forum newbie), it's a wonder ANYONE did. He is one of the finest here, and I was lucky that he just happened to be on that day, because my posts that day only rivaled the length of my calls and e-mails to my ex-beloved boyfriend -- over whom I had arrived at the gates of ENA.


I had a similar story to yours -- a long distance love that felt so immensely uncanny, a love that to me, was unparalleled. I trusted it would work, but he was skeptical at first about the distance (for us, it was 2,500+ miles apart.) I trusted that patience and unwavering desire to eventually join with eachother -- as soulmates -- would bring to me the happy "ending" -- or rather even more jubliantly, the "beginning" of the rest of my life. Our first phone call had been 8.5 hours -- all night long. That, and the most exquisite closeness and intensity of sharing I'd ever known in writing continued until we met (and we got together a couple more times).


But "the happy beginning" was in fact the end -- it's a long story not appropriate to tell here, but in the end he left me, and with great resentment and hostility for things I'd never been accused of in my life and I suppose after all, he was a dreamer and I'd stoked some of his most noble desires -- but in practice, I was just another woman on his long roster who couldn't "meet his needs." I felt I'd lost the love of my life. And now I see that he was not that; he was an imposter. I'm still waiting for the real one to appear. Maybe he never will.


I also see that I could not have lost my dearest love, when in fact I never had him to begin with. We did not share a vision of what love was supposed to look like, how it was supposed to behave, how it was supposed to feel. What I'd lost was the impression I had something.


But I never stopped believing that love has no care of distance, when it's true. It has no care of wealth, or means -- even if all these things do play into the practical considerations of how to creatively solve these problems together. With the right intent, with the right perseverance, with patience, stamina and a lot of mutual trust, there is nothing in this world to stop love from flowering but fear.


So, you and Helen have bridged every gap 2 people can, to find that which some people (myself included) are still looking for. And, some never find it.


So as much as I envy you not, to be in such a time of heartache, I also pray that someday I will find what you and she have found together. It is my greatest heart's desire, and please know that having found it means you will never lose it. Even if you lose her physically, you will not lose having had this amazing experience and woman in your life.


And even if she does not make it to recovery -- just imagine what it would have been like had you not met? She has had the very best, the most exquisite experience of love before leaving this life. And that is the way I would choose to go, if I had to go today.


The things we cherish the most make us pay the most dearly, because if we lose them -- then what? But hold fast to this, hyperion, that the most mystical things, the very best things, do involve a combination of darkness and bright light. And because of the two side by side, we get to understand the power of each even more.


I am so glad to see a fellow poster who is not afraid to post volumes. I hope to see more of you here, and keep us abreast of the situation.


Finally -- even if you cannot interact with her because she is semi-conscious, so long as you are allowed to be near her (I am not sure what the rules are like in the ICU), talk to her, hold her hand, read to her, continue those long conversations. She is still with you and even if she can't express it, I am sure that she will recognize you and your love. She knows. Continue to share with her. I do believe that connections like these are not broken in illness or death, despite what our material understanding of the world is. The proof of it is the "uncanniness" you felt even before you met her. Something was alive even before it took shape. It just continues from here, in different forms and ways.

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Your post touches me deeply, hyperion. Without going into painful detail and widening my own fresh wounds, let me say that I can relate to great portions of your story. My deepest sympathy goes out to you, that's for sure.


Despite the heart-wrenching prognosis by the professionals, I share in your hope for a second miracle. I say "second" because the subtle and mysterious forces that guide us through our lives brought her a true love in the person of yourself at a time when she was to need nothing more, and brought the same thing to you because you had the courage to try after what I know from similar experience was a long and difficult period in your life.


Yes, as the wonderfully wise and compassionate tiredofvampires put it in her outstanding post, Helen has had the very best... as have you. There aren't many greater miracles than that to be dispensed. May the cloak of sadness which hangs heavy on you now never hide that glorious truth from your eyes.


Life is like a gift, they say,

Wrapped up for you every day;

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own.

-Sarah McLachlan

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I can't even think of what to say. Even though this thread is all I know of you, my chest heaves with sympathetic grief.


Life is so evanescent, so insubstantial, like a rainbow that momentarily colors the sky and is gone. How very, very sad it is that you weren't given more time together.


What infathomable comfort your loving presense must have been as she approached her time of rest. Take care of yourself, in her name.

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Count me in the mourning for your loss. I know that words right now will likely fall terribly short of any sort of consolation.


I'm just so sorry this is what you are having to bear at this time. I know it seems unreal and unbelievable. I do believe you are in a state of surreality and shock, yes.


Most likely, it will feel as though life has slowed down to the point that time has just frozen. So right now, just take each breath, each moment one at a time, casting all thoughts of the future, tomorrow, whatever is next, away. You don't need any of those now.


Yes, Daddy Bear is right...your presense at the end I am sure helped her soul into a great state of peace and tranquility. I am so glad for her sake that she had you, and that you were there, that close, right at the end. Your love meant everything, was everything for her, then.


I know from your other thread in the Grief forum that you have had some serious thoughts about your own life. As I've said here, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME NOW. I know this is a time of immeasurable pain for you, but the pain would not be there if not for the love. Clearly, you have a wonderful heart, which is capable of experiencing this. So just be open to your own heart, with all its emotions and be kind to any and all of them. Some of them will be visitors that you can't bear to have, but there they are as facets of the deepest love.


You will be feeling overwhelmed in the coming days, and it's okay. Post here, as you can. Reach out to people that you trust.


My thoughts are with you.

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I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart and my thoughts go out to you.

I know that you would have kind of mentally prepared yourself for the worst but nothing can prepare you for when it really does happen. Shock, disbelief even a sense of relief are all normal things to feel. Expect a whole flood of emotions to come flooding in, sometimes confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Don't fight them when they do.


My thoughts are with you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm not a religious person, but I consider myself to be very spiritual and my heart goes out to you, your love, and her family. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now but all I can say is that I hope in time your heart can heal and while it is without a doubt easier said than done, try to carry on not only for yourself but for her as well. I'm sure she would have wanted that.

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  • 5 years later...

At the age of 9, i found out my grandad had cancer. In all honesty i was shocked! He was my everything. he was like my father. At a young age my parents had to leave to go to another country in search of another job, leaving a 3 year old me and my 8 year old sister in the care of my grandparents. They would take care of us so well. Of Course my parents would do the occasional visits and phone calls, but to me my grandparents would always be my parents. Around 3 years later my parents decided, it isn't be right that we we aren't living with them. So me and my sister left to go at stay with them. 4 years later i hear the news that my grandfather has cancer. I was hoping so badly. So, so badly that he would be alright that he would stay with me. But i guess life had other plans for him. He died after my tenth birthday. It crushed me . i was just a little girl, i didn't understand a lot of things but i knew he wouldn't ever come back. that was what hurt the most. After his death everything went south! My grandmother would just stay near his grave. She and my mother was trying to stay strong for my sister and i. They would always say to me he wouldn't want me to cry over his death because he moved on to somewhere better...


So last month was his death anniversary and i went through some photo's of us together. It made me happy that i had those small happy memories of him.


so i just wanted to tell you hang on and never lose hope sometimes miracles happen, sometimes tragedies happen all we can do is hope for the best.

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