She is moving far far away.....

[SadMan]

My GF of 4.5 years have decided to move back to our home country for work. She claims that US economy is in a down hill and now is the best time to go back for work. She came to US for college and shes been here for about 7 years now, we are both 27.

 

I've tried to talk her out of it but she gets upset everytime. My life is here, family is here, friends are here. She wants me to support her decision but how can I?

 

She wants to try and build a career while she is still young. I told her I have a plan to buy a house and marry her within a year but she thinks I am doing that just to keep her here.

 

I really dont know what to do.

 

I dont think a long distant relationship will work. I can only travel back and see her twice a year at most. And I dont know about moving back with her and start everything from scratch.

 

What if everything went well with her? I am sure she will stay there and not willing to move back easily.

 

I dont know why but to think that this will end up to be a breakup down the road.......

 

What should I do?

[rosephase]

If she is willing to leave without you, and you are not willing to move for her, it does sound like you will break up. We do scary things for people love including starting over again. But if nether of you are willing to do that, maybe its better that you go your own ways.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm sorry, buddy, but it looks like you are heading for a breakup.

 

She can't expect you to follow her and uproot your entire life and you can't stop her from following her heart without causing resentment.

 

I hope that it does work out and she decides not to leave.

[pjl555]

If moving back will make her happy, and being with her will make you happy...would it be so terrible to move back with her? Maybe a compromise in that you'll move in a few months, after you've had time to get yourself prepared to go back.

 

Just find a middle ground...but when it comes down to it, it will be about sacrifice, and sometimes sacrifice is (temporarily) one-sided.

 

I hope things work out for you two!

[amya]

I agree, that if she's willing to move away without you then maybe it's not good to stay together. Although she probably does love you, she doesn't love you enough to stay. Well that's what i think anyway.

[Perfection]

US economy is NOT going to crash and we are not going to end up like a third world country. Economies are cyclical and there are ups and downs. Recent circumstances have no doubt helped countries like China, India etc to compete aggressively with the US. However, i would like to point out the fact that US still has a FIRM grip on the intellectual capital of the world.

[Cognitive_Canine]

US economy is NOT going to crash and we are not going to end up like a third world country. Economies are cyclical and there are ups and downs. Recent circumstances have no doubt helped countries like China, India etc to compete aggressively with the US. However, i would like to point out the fact that US still has a FIRM grip on the intellectual capital of the world.

 

yeah, but it's pretty darn hard to get a job right now.

[Whiskers]

Where are her family? Where are her friends? The US economy sounds like a pretty naff reason to me. There are problems everywhere...Portugal in a recession, England has problems...it's not going to be eay anywhere.

I want to move back to my country to be with my family, to go back to work and because I always loved my life. My fiance, is quitting his job and moving because he loves me and knows (not being mean but) I hate it here...I'M BORED! and he has no family keeping here.

If she loved you, you'd be having that conversation...you'd be seriously talking about what you want together and THEN thinking about how you can get it. She can have as much of a career chance in the states as anywhere else.

I don't think she's planning on ever moving back. If she leaves, she's leaving and I'm wondering if this isn't just a little cowardly on her part.

I'm sorry.

XXXX

[teknoise]

She's leaving and has made up her mind. You can't stand in the way of her life, and neither should she... which she apparently isn't as she isn't trying to force you to move with her.. or is she? I gather from your post that she is not.

[SadMan]

Thanks everyone for the inputs. I am so lost right now.

 

Whiskers: Her brother is over there and her sister is here. I guess most of her friends are over there. We havent seriously talked about this. She just keeps hinting me everynow and then that what I would do when she does move back for work. I spoke to her on the phone last night and asked her more solid questions about our future and she start crying telling me that I am not willing to get marry before and now she is leaving, then I brought up marrage. She said she really want to try and build a career there and thats what she really wants now and want me to support her decisions.

 

teknoise: She is not forcing me to move back but did ask me about it. It would be hard for me because my roots are here.

 

You guys think talking to her more will help change her mind?

[Cognitive_Canine]

yes, talking about it is great.

 

I understand her point on the marriage. Actually, maybe she is saying some of these things so that you do take the next step with her. hmmm

 

But yeah, you definitely need to tell her how you feel. Tell her that you don't feel that you can move but that you don't want to stop her from her dreams. But make sure to tell her that you love her and wish that she would choose to stay with you because you do really want to be with her and this hurts you greatly.

[Whiskers]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, this must be awful for you either need to convince her marriage was always on your mind and is not a fix to keep her (and I don't mean drag her down to city hall) or you need to let her go like she asks.

XXXX

If you want to talk...well you know where everyone is.