Overcoming shyness with his friends

[Parsley]

Heya

I'm going to visit my boyfriend monday after next for a week, for his birthday. We'll obviously be going out, and thereforeee seeing his friends, and he's not going to want to just keep me company all night - it's his birthday! While I think his friends are great - I'm a very very shy person if I don't know someone. This wouldn't matter too much if my boyfriend didn't have the habit of leaving me to 'chat with the girls' while he goes and talks about manly things like drills and boobs and whatnot. They're lovely girls, but no matter how lovely they are, being in a group of girls who are all fantastic friends and trying to feel comfortable and involved in the conversation is one of the most intimidating and difficult things ever. They're not unfriendly to me at all, I just feel very much like the outside.

 

This will only be the 2nd time I've met any of his female friends. The first time two of them were really good at making me feel comfortable...unfortunately, since then I've found out that my boyfriend used to be crazy about one of these girls, and while I don't not like her, I know that I'll find it quite difficult to stay comfortable. Do you know what I mean? Meeting an ex your boyfriend still gets on with is what it is essentially. I don't have any problems with him being friends with her...just my own insecurities make me paranoid sometimes.

 

So...what can I do? Besides get drunk. That worked last time, but the hangover was ridiculous, and I don't really want to have to get smashed every time I see them lol

 

Anybody else out there suffer with shyness? I try so hard to join in the conversations, but my mouth dries up and I feel my heart beating a drum solo and every ounce of my strength is focused on making sure I look happy, and not like I just want to run away. It's not too bad when it's just me and the boyf, and all his male friends, but it's just that whole thing of girl groups. They might not necessarily want to make you feel excluded but it just works out like that regardless doesn't it?

 

Thank you...in advance.

xxx

[JeckyllNHyde]

ahh, i get what you mean. it doesnt help that i have purely male friends lol so it makes it even harder to connect with females, and the bf's girl friends. luckily these girls are extremely friendly and welcoming so you're in luck.

 

try and find topics to talk about which are general and just try and get into the mindset of remembering how you would act if they where one of the guys.

i dont know what it is about being left alone with the guy friends but its not as hard and akward as being left alone with a girl. no clue why really. i just go blank and have noooo clue what to say. but with guy friends i make jokes and for instance ask what job they do, etc.

you could try asking them how their weekend was, what they do. tell them what you did. i think a good thing to keep in mind is just letting them do most of the talking first. how? ask open ended questions. like that example i mentioned about the "what did you do this weekend?"

other things you can ask is what their plans are for the summer, talk about something fun you did or what you plan to do this summer. the crazy guy at work if you can fit it in there (just an example lol). i'm also guessing that you may not even have to talk much since these girls know each other. you may be able to just chime in their convo and they will also include you i'm sure.