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PLEASE HELP!!! She left a gift for me..hurts more

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I don't even know what to say right now?


I've been having the hardest time getting over my ex the past three months. I loved her so much and spent almost 5 years w/her living together for three. I haven't made to much progress and now I feel like I'm right back to square one...........


Tonight, Christmas Eve, I have been alone and so sad. I can't stop thinking about her all night. We were so happy last year at this time.

I was going to get her something and leave it at her mom's house for her to find tomorrow/today (whatever) but decided there was no point. I haven't talked to her in 10 days and she's seems to have moved on leaving me miserable. So why should I go out of my way to burn a CD for her and get her something? She hasn't seemed to miss me at all?


Now get this, I walked outside of my house to put something in my recycling bin and found a gift bag by my door. I opened it up, and inside was a book "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" and a pair of g-string women's underwear (clean). There was also a note....


"Dear (me),


Here are a few things you might like back. I hope you like them and are surprised. I also hope everything is going OK for you. Stay strong and be careful. Merry Christmas!




(My ex)"




The underwear are "New Year's" (flashy) thong underwear she had that I always said were my favorite. Why is she giving them to me now after three months? The book was mine that I had let one of her friends borrow 2.5 years ago!!


She came out of her way to leave this at my house. Now I'm even more sad and reminded of her. This is TORTURE. What is she doing to me? I've been so good not calling her or making any effort to contact her. I haven't felt any better, but I've been succeeding with that at least!?


Now I want to call her but I know it won't help. She probably just wants to see if I'm still going crazy about her. I can't let her know I am. I know there will be now progress made on my part to call. I almost want to take the underwear back to her and leave them at her door with no note and the same bag she used.


What should I do? I don't think calling will help me? Should I stay strong and keep the no contact going? Act like this little BS stunt didn't phase me? THIS SUCKS!!! She said she had some things for me the last time I spoke with her, but now she's made them into a pseudo Christmas gift?


I'm leaving in a few hours to go back East and see my family and I won't be back until after the New Year. Should I just let this be and try to forget about it?


What is she saying by this? Does anyone have any ideas as to how I should interpret this? I'll take any suggestions.



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Thanks for the feedback litoosh734.


But I need to be clear that we've already had closure many times. I've already lost her so there is no fear, just bitter reality. (at least I feel I've completely lost her). She's already seeing someone else. I don't think this was any type of closure for her? I haven't felt like I've healed one bit but she seems to be going on just fine. She also knows that I'm still miserable and miss her from the last time we spoke 10 days ago. She's had her closure. I'm the one who was begging her to reconsider.


She put the stuff in a gift bag with colored tissue paper. It wasn't in a brown paper sack or a plastic bag so there was a little effort on her part to dress it up as some kind of gift. though I'm not going to analyze it for more than it was....stuff she felt I wanted I guess? It was nothing new so I'm not sure what constitutes a gift and what doesn't now?


Seriously though, three months after a very hard break up and 10 days w/out speaking!? Does she really need to give me my favorite pair of her thong underwear? Something seems a little messed up about it? It's as if she doesn't want ME to let go? Why else drop something in my lap like that. I don't know? I'm not getting any false hope that's for sure and I'm not going to call.


It was much more painful than not getting anything. Now I'm reminded again of her IN those frickin panties and our love life that was tremendous. This hurts BAD. It makes me go back to what we had. How couldn't it?


I'll make the best of my time with my family and friends but this Christmas and all of 2003 will go down as the worst of my life. Anyone who wants to read my previous posts or original post will understand.


I will stay strong but this has really set me back a few steps. Opened wounds that were already slow in healing......

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Well I agree with you that it was kind of tasteless for your ex to return those things as a "gift". I can't imagine why she would return the underwear to you except to hurt you. She would have to know you would have no use for them. Now the book is a different story but I just don't get the underwear thing.


Here's an idea - get a trusty pair of scissors and cut the underwear into exactly 1000 pieces. Work out your frustrations on the underwear. And then happily throw the underwear in the garbage. And then be thankful you are rid of her. I think you deserve a lot better than someone who has such a cruel streak.

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I agree with Avman.


Either she thinks you're not hurting and would get a laugh out of it OR she's insensitive and is trying to hurt you.


Either way it was dumb of her.


You could always return the favor. Take the gift bag she gave you and go to your local park filling it with dog feces. Leave it on her step with a card saying: "Thinking of you."

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I'm not sure if that was intentionally cruel, or just an extreme of thoughtlessness, but either way, that's low. Get rid of them asap. That's a reminder you certainly DON'T need. And whether it was thoughtless, cruel, or careless - keep in mind this is a side of her you're seeing you DON'T want in your life, ok?

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Wow that was pretty cold of her to do that to you on Christmas Eve!! It totally could have waited a few days. Sounds like she just wants to have the upper hand or maybe she misses you so much that she wants you to call her. A lot of girls are just too stubborn to make that move, but they hint it through other ways. Her way of breaking the ice might be simply returning something of yours that she had. That sounds pretty much like what she did. You could either keep the upper hand by not responding to it and letting it go or you could call her and simply say thanks. Keep it short and brief and make your point then hang up. It sounds like she misses you but she is showing it in kind of a cold way. I really dont know what to tell you, but it wouldnt hurt to call her! How did the breakup end? Bad terms? Mutual? This would help me determine her motives by her bringing back your things. If you do call her though, be very cautious as to what you say. You dont want to sound desperate nor unconfident. Let me know how the relationship ended and I will be able to help you more.

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I'm not going to call her. I love her to death and I really don't think she was meaning to be intentionally evil to me.


She is young and probably wasn't thinking and thought it would be something I wanted? Bad timing though.... I'm just going to let her be and I hope she is happy and doing well.


It really messed me up the past few days but I've been surrounded by family and friends so I feel better.


I love her still and always will, but I've been meeting some very cool girls and it's been getting easier to forget her. I will not be able to replace her as she has done with me because I'm better than that. I still need to heal and get a sense of who I am (alone). I don't want any type of relationship right now, no need.


I'm going to let this pass and I'm sorry to have written about it so upset. I was all alone on x-mas eve and it really hurt me to see the underwear and have those memories again.


She is all but dead to me now. I have no need to talk to her or hear how she's doing. I have met new girls that are so much smarter and interesting than her. Best wishes to her and to myself.


I hope you all have a good New Year! Be safe.

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  • 2 weeks later...

She still has never called me? (1mos) Not one note or anything....so I keep up with being strong and try to forget about this? She did call two of my good Friends though? They're not even her friends?


I wish I knew what she was trying to do...if anything. Just leave me alone!


I'm going fine if she really cared to find out?

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