HoTung Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 You are so right - and thats what hurts - i know everyone is right. I need to give up and totally move on. My ex said he was going copy a cd of our pics for us - we have broken up for 5 months and i still not received it. Each time i said i don;t want it he says its important to you. If so then why haven;t i received it? but honestly it no longer matters to me. he also asked me once - have i deleted all his pics and he got really upset because he thought i had. You;re right, he just never cared enough i actually felt like crying again today - i need to stop Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Yeah whenever we talk - i end up getting upset and then questioning him why we broke up? and does he not miss me at all? - i am so going about it the wrong way but can;t help the pain i feel Link to comment
soulalone Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Ho Tung, everybody will ask this question...just give us one more try. I think that people mistake the grief for love. When you hurt, it doesn't mean that you want him back, it means that you are healing. I know that most people normally want their stuff back and honestly I wanted mine back too. Now, I just don't want it anymore, I'll get new stuff. Pics are pics, it will just remind you of the good times that you had and make you pine for him/her even more. This week, I'm cleaning out- burn all the pics onto a cd and don't look at it for a very long time. Be strong, it's true "There was a reason you broke up the first time." Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I wish I could make your pain go away. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I got back twice with exes. The first was after two and a half years, we split for 6 months, got back together then split for good 2 months later. We stayed in contact during the split, and we're still in contact now. The second one, we were together for 4 months, then we split for 4 months, got back together for 8 months then split again. Again, we stayed in contact during the 4 month split. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 i was the one who asked for no contact as i felt i was living on false hope. I would love him to call me but its all for the wrong reasons. he would be happy to call me and chat to me for 2-3 hours but with no intention of getting back together. During the conversation he would be cheeky towards me like when we were together and it just hurts. I don;t get it. How can he so easily switch back to being "friends"? did our relationship mean nothing? Its 3 weeks NC this wednesday - and i always give in at the 3 weeks stage - hopefully i can last longer sometimes i think NC will make him realise he doesn;t need or want me - i think its proven now i still dream about him - its crazy why can;t i let it go? he obviously doens/t love me or want to be with me anymore why does he say things like he would be devastated if we never speak to each other again? Link to comment
memorypill Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 why does he say things like he would be devastated if we never speak to each other again? He doesnt have to still love you to still care for you. He wants to be friends because he wants to know if your ok. he doesnt want to loose everything from that time in his life. He still cares about you but unfortunitly right now he doesnt have that love anymore. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 why does he say things like he would be devastated if we never speak to each other again? Once you care about someone in your life no matter what you will always still care about them deep down. You can't just have someone in your life and then throw them out like they were nothing, and if someone does it just means they never really cared in the first place. That's pretty much what he's getting at with him saying he would be devastated if you two never spoke again. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 But that doesn't help me. I care about him heaps but its hurting me at the same time. What would you guys do? stay in touch or try and move on and cut him out Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 If it's that painful take time away from him and focus on healing yourself. It's still so fresh and it's going to hurt but once you find other things to keep your mind occupied and you're not thinking about him every second of every day it will get easier. If you can't continue contact with him in the future, then don't. But don't contact him until you can do so without wanting him back. It will only hurt worse. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Yeah i tried. Its been 5 months now. I miss him so much. And i do think its a shame that we can;t be friends. When i saw him i was just so hurt and angry and bough back every emotion and hurt i felt before. When i talk to him, he teases and speaks to me like he used to when i was his gf. And it just sent me in turmoil. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 I think there is something wrong with me. why do i like thinking about it so much? why do i let myself endure the pain? Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 HoTung, I was thinking while reading your posts... You know what I think you need? I think you need to get angry. Get very, very angry. You need to FEEL the injustice of this situation, you need to stick up for yourself, GET ANGRY and use it to fuel your separation so you can move on! Take out a piece of paper, and write down EVERYTHING he has done to hurt you. Everything you can think of. Make it a list. And read it THREE times daily. And let yourself feel anger! This guy is stringing you along! If he actually loved you he wouldn't let you sit there in pain, he'd be with you! He doesn't deserve to have you in his life without making a commitment to being with you!! THIS was the only way I was able to finally stick up for myself, and REFUSE to let my ex be a part of my life or feel he can get away with it. I got ANGRY! I'm not talking about an unhealthy, all-consuming rage here, mind you. But I'm talking about turning the hurt into something that motivates you to be DIFFERENT... to FEEL different about this guy, so you can finally let go. Keep reminding yourself that he DOESN'T want you! It hurts like crazy, but it may just make you angry enough to change your perspective. Really make an effort today, tomorrow to begin to change your point of view of this guy and the relationship you had. The anger is not so much "I hate you, you rotten bastard!" but more of "You know what... YOU don't deserve ME! I am an AWESOME person, and if you're too stupid to see that, well then, FORGET YOU! I have better things to do with my time!!" I'm sorry you are hurting so much... you may not like my post, but I just wanted to make a suggestion that may help, because it's really helped me the past week or so, thinking about it this way. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I wish I could make your pain go away. This made me tear up. It's probably the best way to show compassion. I know it is for HoTung, but thank you, jig. I like seeing little, quiet reminders that there are people in the world that have genuine compassion. It gives me hope. Link to comment
2nd Best Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 My ex and I were together for about 5 years and separated for about a year. We got back together and it did not work out. Knowing what I know now...if you are on the same page as you were when you broke it off then there is a possibilty that things can work out. During that time...I thought that I was on the same page, aparently I grew from that experience and my expectations changed and he was unable to adapt to them so we basically wasted each other's time. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thank you. Yeah the things is i know all this but sometimes i feel i don;t want to let go - glimmer of tiny hope. he doesn;t love me anymore. To him, i was high maintenance, argumentative but i also loved him with all of my heart. he would always be first. i wanted more him to show he cared more but this led to me being called hard work. I try to hate him but i just don;t. I always knew i was hard work and i told him. It is wrong for a girl to want to feel loved? He would rather go to the gym then come and see his gf who was sick. Because i live south west london and he lives north - only takes half an hour by train. If i am every sick, he says no point in seeing me i was never invited out for dinner with his family. he'd turn up over an hour late for xmas eve dinner with my whole family I asked him to buy me a camera battery and he got annoyed because he thought i wasn;t going to pay him back His birthday - he wanted a caked but because i was sick and couldn;t buy one he got annoyed. In the end i bought him one, but i got annoyed (as i was trudging round in my high heels and not feeling well but i did do it) I always try and do special things for him, make him personal cards and take him out for special treats but he never seemed like he appreciated it. I did it cos i wanted to not because he wanted me to. Why can't i hate him? Why do i still dream about him? and want him back? Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Do you think i am doing the right thing by going NC? its so hard and painful...nearly 3 weeks - he is never going to change his mind i would love to speak to him but he has no intention of getting back together Link to comment
lizzzy111 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i feel your pain. i just ended things with a guy that did the same stuff to me calling me hard work and what not. well honestly u deserve to be loved and any guy who is going to call you hard work is not the guy for you. read back the list of things u just wrote over and over and realize that its all about him! You will find a guy where it will be even always...dont talk to him. no point. stay strong..im right here with u! Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Thank Liaaay11.. i know this but why do i still hurt? The worse if when i wake up - i just feel absolutely awful. My heart aches and my whole body just feels sunken and hollow. Its weird. This is the worse part of the day for me. I know he is selfish and he knows its too - why are break ups so hard? 3 weeeks today since i last spoke to him Link to comment
shell024 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 ok, from my experience. it just does not work at all. I dunnowho it was that said it but there so right..there was a reason you broke up in the first place.. I meet my ex and we went out for 3 months..got very serious very quite. said i love you within i'd say two weeks(all him) practically lived together for the summer(again all him) hooneymoon period lasted all of 2-3 weeks..yah, i jshould have gone running then but i was actually falling for him..so we fought and fought and broke up i think 3 times during this three months. could have been more i've lost count.. So broke up for 4 months. with absolutly no contact what so ever. he then got back in contact. we spoke for 3 weeks, talking, comunication trying to sort things out.. and we got back together. for 4 months. in this four months we split up again i think 3 times. He was very unstable. one week he wanted me the next he didn't. One week he wanted to marry me, have me as th mother of his children, then suddenly he wasn't sure if i was the right person for him. I went back every single time because i loved him so so much and really actually wanted to spend mylife with him.. then the second last break up happened out of the blue.. 4 days previous we spoke about moving in together.. we later got back together and him saying he'd go and get his head sorted.. see a professional.. this lasted 3 weeks. The week before the final break up he told me how much he loved me, how i was his rock and that we where gonna make it through all the * * * * and that he wanted to spend his life with me.. and i stupid believed him, after telling him i didn't trust him anymore. him sinply telling me he knew what he wanted was enough for me to trust him again!!! then he told me to f**k off and started dating someone else.. nice!!! So, i invested my heart and soul into a man who i knew was so so wrong for me. a man who i actually wanted to spend my life with and who i stupidly still want to.. I know that on paper we only went out for 3 months and then 4 months. but those 4 months in before not one day did i not think of him and miss him. we had such a connection.. then when we go back together we got even more close.. i think you can form such a close connection with someone that quite..fall in love that deep. Its been 2 months now with NC..he's gotten in touch 3 times..the last time over a flippin teddy bear. it was just anexcuse to get back intouch with him. i told him to leave me alone.. I'm doing better now. trying to get on with things. but feel very indifferent about love, marraige and relationships now.. Sorry for the rant guys. i obviously needed it.. anyways.. yeah it doesn't work. maybe the odd one will work out but i believe all the old problems will just re surface.. ahh i feel better after that!!! x Link to comment
alphabetsoup13 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 To be perfectly honest, it rarely works out. The only time i've seen it work is when both people have been out of contact for a very long time (talking years here) and have matured and grown significantly. It never works when you expect it to work. If they really were the right person they just has a knack of finding their way back to you. Kinda romantic if you think about it in some twisted kind of way Link to comment
amya Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It seems to be that people don't generally meet the "love of their lives" til theyre in the 30s, maybe 40s! And now we're just going through a loada tester relationships that you think at the time are the real thing when deep down you probably can't see yourself with that same person for the rest of of your lives, even when you do prepare your childrens names in reality you can't see it happening but you hope you do. I'm just going on me here, and that's what i think! I know altho i love my boyfriend and want him back more than anything that if we did get back together we'd only be here again another year or so down the line. I know now that i am too young to revolve my life around one person and i think we should all enjoy our youth and worry when we get old, and the men/women we meet will be a lot more mature and able to settle down better, plus you have less time to get bored! Ha. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 today i had a revelation - I am not even sure I want him back anymore I suddenly thought i had enough of being unhappy and hoping he will come back. Why should i put my life on hold for him? I need to let it go and let others into my life. If he doens;t care about me why should i care about him? He chose to leave me so why should I be the one to wallow. I've had enough I really hope this feeling is going to stay with me Thank you all for your responses...I am determined to pull myself out of this rutt. I have had feelings of ups and down before. Hopefully this up will stay forever. Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 today i had a revelation - I am not even sure I want him back anymore I suddenly thought i had enough of being unhappy and hoping he will come back. Why should i put my life on hold for him? I need to let it go and let others into my life. If he doens;t care about me why should i care about him? He chose to leave me so why should I be the one to wallow. I've had enough I really hope this feeling is going to stay with me Thank you all for your responses...I am determined to pull myself out of this rutt. I have had feelings of ups and down before. Hopefully this up will stay forever. Beautiful revelation HoTung! Keep that thought in your head and you will be fine. If you relapse and go back into a depressed state, just reread that post. Congrats on moving forward! Link to comment
dreamguy Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 today i had a revelation - I am not even sure I want him back anymore I suddenly thought i had enough of being unhappy and hoping he will come back. Why should i put my life on hold for him? I need to let it go and let others into my life. If he doens;t care about me why should i care about him? He chose to leave me so why should I be the one to wallow. I've had enough I really hope this feeling is going to stay with me Thank you all for your responses...I am determined to pull myself out of this rutt. I have had feelings of ups and down before. Hopefully this up will stay forever. The thought/feeling will stay with you as long as you learn how to push memories and thoughts of him immediately out of your head when they sneak in. Don't even pause on a certain memory for a few seconds. Just think about something else because there's nothing you can do to change things for the time being. No more wasted time on wallowing in misery ! Every day that passes is never coming back... don't you think that's scarier than the thought of an ex not coming back when there can be other persons in your life ? There won't be other days like the ones that fade in the past. Link to comment
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