HoTung Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 wow thats great how much space did u give him? how much time did he need? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 If a person breaks up becuse they truly wanted space then NC can help. NOt giving them space will push them far away and likely permanently. If they broke up because the feelings were gone or someone else was in their romantic viewpoint then NC will not do much or anything at all to regain their interest. They will be glad to not have to deal with the communication. Link to comment
mysteriousGIRL Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Don't call, don't email, block him from all connection to you. I did that, he end up showing up at my door, finding some stupid excuse to bring me my mail. The fact is, no one can just forget. He will miss you. If he block him off the only way to get a hold of you is in person. He started calling my roommate to find out about me lol, and they aren't even friends. Link to comment
mysteriousGIRL Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Not true, my ex broke up with me to get to know someone else, by being with someone else his mind compares. Even though he doesn't do it intentionally, the heart knows what the heart wants. If this person isn't better than the person you were with last, why would they want to be with that person? NC will work, because with this time, you make yourself better. Look better than you ever look before, smarter, brighter, happier, lots of friends, make him jealous of not being able to be around such a cool person like you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Not true, my ex broke up with me to get to know someone else, by being with someone else his mind compares. Even though he doesn't do it intentionally, the heart knows what the heart wants. If this person isn't better than the person you were with last, why would they want to be with that person? NC will work, because with this time, you make yourself better. Look better than you ever look before, smarter, brighter, happier, lots of friends, make him jealous of not being able to be around such a cool person like you. No, there are times a person falls out of love and NC will not work. I know for me my ex did no contact and i didn't suddenly want him back. I was done. These ploys only work if the person was not really sure of what they wanted. Sometimes people break up and they know it is for the best and they don't want to go back. Wooing someone back by jealousy often fails anyway> As soon as the old routine is established, and for most after a few months the relationship returns to the same old one as the people have not really changed, then the cycle will repeat. NC is good for you tho and workign on yourself to be happier and friendly and more outgoing is just good for the soul period. Doing it only to woo an ex back is under false pretense IMO. Link to comment
mysteriousGIRL Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Yes i agree. But i am simply stating that when you are clouded by sadness, and unable to get out of the depress mode you are in. No one can talk sense to you. Before someone can realize the relationship has finally end they will denied and do everything they can to get their ex back. I was one of the lucky ones at the time to get my ex back. I do admit getting him back only satisfied me for a short time, now i don't know how to get rid of him. I think telling people to work on themselves for themselves is a bunch of bull, because if you are heart broken, all you want to do is impress the other person. Obviously these people are on here because they want to find something they haven't read or heard before. "Love yourself, first before you love someone else." I am just stating what is the other option they can take to get him back. I am not saying make him jealous, just make him miss having someone like you around. If you been in a relationship for a long period of time, and say that you are not at least a bit upset you see your ex with someone else is complete lie. No matter if you are the one who broke it off or not. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I just don't subscribe to any "get an ex back" tactics. Relationsihps break off for a reason - with good reason most of the time. Unless BOTH parties work really hard to fix or change what the problems were then all you do is get them back only to have problems as soon as the novelty once again wears off. It is better to do NC to heal because after a certain amount of healing time, and that timeframe is different for eveyrone, a person can realize hey this break up was healthy. We just didn't get along very well. Those who don't heal and stay in frantic gotta get him/her back mode might end up getting what they want but at what cost? To just have it all happen again in due time? You are both the same people. Same input same output. Most people cannot fully address and fix the issues that caused the break up in the first place so the old issues come back to haunt before you know it. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I agree that the tactics ideas for getting the ex back are faulty at best. I had a 3 hour conversation with the ex Gf that dumped me at the end of April. I was in low low contact for 3 weeks and could not stand another SECOND. I went over and woke her up. Hugged for 5 minutes wordlessly then I talked for a long time about what happened. It all comes down to her inability to let go of a hurt from a situation a year and a half ago. She is about to leave in 2 weeks for most of the summer. I am pretty tweaked, about her honesty that there is someone she is interested there. After the long talk, she openly acknowledges all of our fine companionship and compatibility, love for me and truly does trust me. At this point there is a 50-50 chance she will go see a friend that happens to be a gifted relationship counselor, author and psychologist. Then maybe I can come back to this thread with a happy post! I wonder what any of you think would make her choose to heal rather that sweep it under the rug and try to date while all this is on the table, so fresh, and well, bleeding. Seems like a set up for a bad rebound! Link to comment
deang Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 This is a good post...for people in the moment and feeling the pain...you can't let go. if you could just do it why wouldn't you? We aren't stupid and morons this is a pretty obvious answer so if we are unable to act on it then we must be given something else...highlighting the benefits of NC to possibly help you get your ex back helps desparate people move forward. There is some truth to it but it is no guarantee but it's what has helped me move forward. The more I get away the more I see that maybe we weren't the fantastic couple I thought we were but I'd still be stuck in a merry-go-round of chasing her and getting denied if I didn't think there was some value in NC in getting her back. Give me an alternative to giving her up and I'll take it any day. Is it good for me? I think so...I'd still be stuck in trying to get her back mode instead of trying to let NC get her back for me while I try and take care of my life. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Thats true - i guess that what i think you start off with NC because you hope it will allow ur ex to miss u and want u back and slowly u realise u can live without them and start to enjoy yourslef and even think u might not want them back. Today for me is a bad day - have been thinking about the ex alot. Its a month tomorrow of NC. I miss him but he obviously doesn't miss me. Keep thinking he is dating and all sorts but i don;t know and not even sure i want to know Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Tempted to call him - but i know i shouldn;t, should i? Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 if i can last a month without contact surely i can last another can;t i? 14 months of love down the drain - he can forget me so easily Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 today and yesterday are not good. Been thinking about him alot. I thougth i was getting better = why has this happened? Its officially 1 month of NC - we're going to be broken up for 6 months in two weeks time Honestly feel low today Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Hey hun It does happen - that rotten rollercoaster ride, just as you were having better days. You may have been broken up for 6 months but if you two were still talking up till a month ago, that will have stalled your healing. There is not much else you can do but suck these cr@ppy days up and know that brighter days are ahead. I know it is pants but you have to give it some more time. Look after yourself won't you. Mark Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 I will Mark If he doesn;t care about me, why should i care about him? All this talk about him forever caring about me is rubbish Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 That's the spirit hun - this is all about you now - he has shown that he doesn't care about you - why would you care about someone like that? You are worth so much more than that - I hope you agree with me? Mark Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 HoTung, Some people are addicted to feeling "bad". Maybe you need to occupy yourself. Notice how everytime you get into contact with him, nothing GOOD comes out of it. Each day is a closer day to healing *Hugs Anyways, Me and my guy (I'm not sure if he's my ex - we are still talking?) have broken up 2 times and the longest I went NC was about 2 months. Right now we're not together officially. I wish I could say this is a successful reconciliation between us, but we have a TRUCK LOAD of problems and it's a huge mess right now... I suggest you stick to what you're doing. You don't want to keep going back out and breaking up. It only hurts both of you in the end. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Thanks I know Just can't believe i am holding onto somethng that will never come back or never loved me that much just amazes me when u're together they promise you the world but as soon as break up - gone like the wind Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 I feel stuck in a rut - and he has moved on. Do you think he misses me at all? 5 weeks of NC now and its still painful. He said to me in our last conversation - that we will speak again - but when? Is that false hope again? Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Hun - it is only 5 weeks of not contacting him. Try to stop focussing on someone who isn't in your life anymore. Try and focus on you. What makes him so great that he deserves all this effort you are wasting? Is he wasting this time on you? No. You have to try and harden up a bit and stand up for you. Try to be realistic and see what this is doing to you - nothing except drag you down and hold you back. Some times we need some tough love to realise that we need to kick our own a$$es along this healing path. You can sit in a pathetic mess for months and months and just dig yourself into a miserable pit of despair - and stay stuck there - or you can decide that you are worth so much more than this and that you really are going to get out of the hole and start living. We can help you but we cannot make these decisions for you - you decide when it is over for good and to stop waiting your time hanging about for something that ain't gonna happen. Mark Link to comment
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