Do I have a right to be mad at my family? If so, how to get over it?

[Lily04]

So this has irked me a bit before, but now that it's closer to the day, it has popped in my thoughts again. Basically, my cousin offered my sister & I a free trip to the U.K. and France. I JUST graduated from a top college a few weeks ago. This would essentially be a perfect graduation gift. My sister just finished her 1st year of college, still has another 4 years to go (as she pretty much failed out of her program, whereas I graduated almost with distinction this year.) Regardless, a few months ago in the planning stages my cousin calls and speaks with my mom and says "I'm sorry, I just realized (as my mom anticipated this would happen) only enough money for ONE of the girls. thereforeee only one can come on the trip to visit the U.K." The plan was essentially to stay with my cousin and her fiancee and 2 kids, and babysit her kids for 2 weeks. She would also pay us (a modest wage) for the babysitting, and on evenings and/or weekends we could sight-see and do whatever we want.

 

Anyway, my Mom, without telling me decides my younger sister can go (I guess at that point she seemed more escatic about the idea and she LOVES/workships my cousin, whereas I am not that close to her, for moral/ethical reasons. i.e. my cousin is engaged and yet doesn't disclose her relationship status to other men and goes out with them... she's also very superficial and said she's just going to marry for money, and other things I'm basically ethically opposed to...) So anyway, my sister thinks she's so cool for being promiscuous, etc. I guess (my sister is somewhat like that, unfortunately..) and they get along great. My mom figures by end of July (when the trip is) I will be working or too busy studying to want to take a trip. But she doesn't ask me. After I hear that she's already chosen my sister to go, I am a bit upset at the undemocratic process of just choosing my sister when I really deserve to go more as I just graduated college, but I choose not to make a fuss and say, fine, whatever. I'll just work this summer and try to save enough money for my own "trip" - even if not to Europe, to maybe California or Vegas or something. Hopefully by that time, I'll have some friends and maybe can even involve them on such an adventure, lol...

 

Anyway.....right now I"m just feeling a bit pissed that I am not going to Europe. I've NEVER been anywhere outside of where I live, besides when I was young and went to Florida. Also, lately, I've been terribly depressed and considering suicide so I think a trip like this may do more good for me than my sister who has tons of friends and probably has never been depressed in her whole life.

 

Do you think it's fair for me to be upset about this? I just don't know if there's anything I can do at this point but let it go, but it does still bug me... although the prospect of vacationing with my cousin on her terms also would bug me...

[DN]

Have you told your mother how you feel about your cousin's morals?

[dream83]

You can tell your mother how you feel and explain why you think it logically makes more sense for you to go. I could understand you wanting to go if the whole reason is to simply get away by any means necessary. But, given how you feel about your cousin, would you even be happy spending so much time with her and her ethically questionable behavior?

[r3drobin]

honestly, i didnt read your posting, i only saw the subject line. i just wanted to say... never ever stay mad at family... talk to them always...tell them you love them everyday. nothing is worth possibly loosing a family member in the midst of an argument that you will look back on one day and regret.

i lost my mom 2yrs ago...i know what im talking about. its not worth it. love them and tell them every single day. talk everything out and dont hold grudges.

 

that is my very best advice.

[Lily04]

Have you told your mother how you feel about your cousin's morals?

 

No.. how would that make any difference to the question at hand? It's not just her morals, but her personality... she seems very stuck-up and fake.. she pretends to be nice but I can see through it, it's quite fake. I don't think my sister sees through it, but my Mom and Dad also know she's fake. I basically recently discovered that while she had been telling everyone she's a successful "model" she just has been getting people (prob. paying them) to professionally photograph her and just say she models... and then she uses those pics to try to attract rich men... I don't know. I think it's a bit desperate - I mean, she is relatively pretty but 36 or something and stilll acting like she's in her early 20s... spends money lavishly, not on her kids... etc. I guess I just don't agree with her morals & lifestyle/personality, but my sister thinks it's cool and gets along well with her...

[Lily04]

You can tell your mother how you feel and explain why you think it logically makes more sense for you to go. I could understand you wanting to go if the whole reason is to simply get away by any means necessary. But, given how you feel about your cousin, would you even be happy spending so much time with her and her ethically questionable behavior?

 

That's a good question & point. If I went on a vacation to England, I'd rather it be with friends, not with people I barely know & like... (I haven't met her fiancee.) But I feel like maybe I'm being a bit picky as well....at this point, i do just want to get away & travel, and this would be a good opportunity given my finances. But my sister already has the ticket and has been planning this for a while. I would feel bad asking to substitute for her now. Also, my sister pretty much hates me so I doubt she would let me have it out of charity..

 

Oh also, I'm not sure I'd be spending that much time with my cousin, but moreso with her kids, as she's at work during the day & I'm supposed to be babysitting her kids. The idea of babysitting on vacation also isn't that great..but not THAT bad considering I still get $$ and a free trip, right? hmm... anyway, i shouldn't really be considering it. I'm just a bit pissed off that my sister is going when she failed out of her first year of college and is totally happy and just took the trip without asking..

[DN]

I don't quite understand why you would want to spend so much time with a cousin for whom you obviously have a great deal of contempt. Even if you are babysitting it still would mean a lot of time in her company and that could be awkward seeing as how you don't even like her.

[Lily04]

I don't quite understand why you would want to spend so much time with a cousin for whom you obviously have a great deal of contempt. Even if you are babysitting it still would mean a lot of time in her company and that could be awkward seeing as how you don't even like her.

 

True. I just didn't know if I was being too picky on that note... I mean it's a free trip to the U.K. and I don't have a lot of money, so that's a great opportunity. Who it's with, perhaps, is just being a bit picky...

[agent1607307371]

1. Be thankful that you don't have to spend your time working for your cousin. It doesn't seem to me that you would have that great a time with anyway.

2. Why would you want to go to France anyway? (Sorry had to )

 

3. Tell your mum. You and your sister are both in college and waaaaaay to old for her to be making decisions like that without consulting you first. She should have told you and your sister.

Actually, your cousin should have told you and your sister, but it was definitely not your mums place to say.

[Aschleigh]

You have a right to feel anything you are feeling. Feeling are telling us things like Danger, pain, be affraid, this should be better. Listen to what the feeling are telling you. Then express the feelings , after the angry tinge is gone. Do you need things to change? Do you need a change in yourself? What do you need ?

[dream83]

True. I just didn't know if I was being too picky on that note... I mean it's a free trip to the U.K. and I don't have a lot of money, so that's a great opportunity. Who it's with, perhaps, is just being a bit picky...

 

No, who it's with is not being to picky. For example, I wouldn't want to go to the U.K. with Charles Manson or O.J. Simpson.

[Ellie2006]

I don't quite understand why you would want to spend so much time with a cousin for whom you obviously have a great deal of contempt. Even if you are babysitting it still would mean a lot of time in her company and that could be awkward seeing as how you don't even like her.

 

I agree with DN.

 

Plus, you may not agree but I can kind of see your mother's reasoning for "picking" your sister -- as a graduate, maybe your mom thought you'd be more busy with job applications and whatnot? And if you get a job, how are you going to go on this trip?? It'd be a hassle to change everything from your name to your sister's, if you can't go at the last minute. Also, if your sister gets along better with your cousin than you do, wouldn't it make more sense for her to go?

 

 

I understand why you're angry at the moment, but don't begrudge your sister this opportunity that she's getting and try to be excited, for HER sake.

 

If you're angry and showing it, your sister and mom have equal "right" to get angry for your holding a grudge about this matter, imho.

[Lily04]

I agree with DN.

 

Plus, you may not agree but I can kind of see your mother's reasoning for "picking" your sister -- as a graduate, maybe your mom thought you'd be more busy with job applications and whatnot? And if you get a job, how are you going to go on this trip?? It'd be a hassle to change everything from your name to your sister's, if you can't go at the last minute. Also, if your sister gets along better with your cousin than you do, wouldn't it make more sense for her to go?

 

 

I understand why you're angry at the moment, but don't begrudge your sister this opportunity that she's getting and try to be excited, for HER sake.

 

If you're angry and showing it, your sister and mom have equal "right" to get angry for your holding a grudge about this matter, imho.

 

Yeah, that's fine. I don't really care about the trip that much anymore... was sort of pissed that she is going instead of me, but that annoyance has worn off for the most part. I can find another trip once I've saved up money... even if it takes a while - if I can find a cheap trip to Cuba during winter or something, that's still fun... I'm just hoping I can get to NYC for the summer, I've always wanted to go there!! That will be good enough: Europe I'll hopefully do at some point in my life though...maybe my honey-moon lol... although I have no intention whatsoever of getting marrie.d.. but whatever... at some point, I'm sure it'll happen. My life goal, so to speak.....

[CaptainPlanet]

If it were me the way it would be worked out is that the person who got the free ticket would pay half of the other persons ticket.

[Lily04]

If it were me the way it would be worked out is that the person who got the free ticket would pay half of the other persons ticket.

 

yeah I also thought of this... but basically, my sister & I don't have enough money to afford a trip to Europe so this isn't so much a possibility at the moment..