Depression

[ccali78]

Does anyone either have or understand severe clinical depression and what it does to the mind. My ex left me because of his depression and how it continued to hurt me because he was sick and could not lead a normal life and his mind controlled him. He is not on medication. Can anyone lend me any insight.

[Angel_baby]

When someone is depressed they can start believing things that aren't true. Letting it go untreated can continue to make things worse for him. Leaving you isn't going to make him better... He needs professional help.

 

Are you willing to put the amount of effort and heartbreak into what this depression can cause? It can take a lot of time before you even see a little bit of a improvement. I think you two if possible, should sit and discuss that you are willing (if you are) to be there for him even when things get bad. From what your post sounded like... he just doesn't want to have you deal with the bad stuff.

[ccali78]

He does not want to have me deal with, but also he will not let me in. He will not let anyeone in. He occasionally goes to a counselor but will not take medication he does not like the way it makes him feel. He is doing the 12 steps as he thinks it is the answer to his depression and believes he needs to do it alone my fear is he will get to the end of the 12 steps and still feel empty and than what. He will not talk. Everytime we try to talk he just sits there and stares at the floor and looks like his mother died. He wants to speak but nothing comes out and he cries. He cries for hurting me. He cries at movies. He cries for things I cannot understand. The thing that set him off was this movie we watched into the wild. He cried after the movie. Pretty much would not talk to me for 2 weeks and then left me. Saying he was sick and twisted, ugly and broken.

[Angel_baby]

Let him know you will be there for him through out ANYTHING. Even if he doesn't want to be "together" right now you need to let him know you are there. That he doesn't "hurt" you. That you would do anything to see him smile again.

 

Into The Wild was a sad movie but if it set him off like that he really could use some help. Does he know that there are different meds out there? That just because one or two of them didn't work doesn't mean he is doomed?

 

It is hard to try to understand clinical depression. Just remember that he feels like there is nothing to hold on to, that everything seems so overwhelming that it is crushing him. You and him also need to keep in mind that there is help and he can be happy again.

[Nearwater]

You know in my PM I mentioned I felt depressed for a few bad weeks about 3 years ago when my relationship was only 6 months old. We had quarreled about something stupid and I got very upset and did not call my GF for a few days. I went back and looked at the emails I sent and it went something like "you need to be with someone that is all there and not feeling so bad about loss ect..." We got past that and had several good years together and I have not felt depressed again until she broke up with me unexpectedly. I don't know if this helps in any way, I was not "clinically" depressed, but felt awful and was about to try some meds. I wish all the best for you and hope he chooses to take a good doctors advice and get treatment.

[tangi39]

My husband suffers from severe clinical depression. And it sounds like your ex does too.

There's really only one thing that can help and that's medication.

Positive external forces and counseling are great tools, but they can only take someone So far before they need that "jump start" to feel better.

He may not like meds but that's really the only way he'll be able to gain any perespective. When someone is depressed they can't think clearly.

And if not taken care of, a person can be Extremely hard to live with, and you can't help because they get upset for no reason over nothing, they can't even explain WHY they feel that way. They don't want to, but can't control it. The way to get control, is through meds. It's really the only solution for some people.

 

I am sorry to hear that he broke up with you. So I think right now, just be the best friend you can to him and let him know that you are there for him.

The rest is up to him. And if he won't get help, sadly, he won't get any better- but that's his choice.

I feel for you though, I know what it's like to see someone you love so much put themselves through this. It hurts because you want help, but he needs to help himself first.

 

Hang in there and let him know that you are there for him.

Really all you can do.

[darkblue]

Christincali,

 

Depression, severe or otherwise, is a terrifying and complex thing.

 

You must really understand that your parnter has a hijacked mind. It is no longer his own. It belongs to the dark force which has entered his life.

 

Depressed people can feel that they are 'a burden on others'. By thinking this, they think that if they only get space from those who they love, they can overcome the depression and go back to themself and return to their life.

 

It, of course, is not as simple as that.

 

I believe that depression changes someone, for life.

 

They may completely recover from the depression, but the impact that the depression had surivives, in their memories and in the memories of the people who they, inadvertantly, hurt.

 

The best, and frankly, only advice I can give you is that you should stick with it.

 

Depression is not something that people can 'snap out of'. It generally goes away of its own accord in time, even without any kind of intervention. Obviously counselling and/or medication would speed that up, but he will get better.

 

I should point out that there is a disorder called 'unipolar' whereas someone is constantly depressed, but it is unlikely he is suffering this.

 

Was there any 'trigger' to his depression/

[tangi39]

 

Depression is not something that people can 'snap out of'. It generally goes away of its own accord in time, even without any kind of intervention. Obviously counselling and/or medication would speed that up, but he will get better.

 

The first sentence I agree with.

 

After it, I disagree. Severe depression does not go away "of its own accord " or with time. It needs to be closely examined and aided towards recovery.

I don't think he will get better without the proper medical attention.

I know my husband would not be better without medication.

[darkblue]

tangi,

 

Medication simply increases seritonnin levels in the short-term, however it does not do anything for you long term.

[karvala]

tangi,

 

Medication simply increases seritonnin levels in the short-term, however it does not do anything for you long term.

 

That's not strictly true. Firstly, serotonin is not the only neurotransmitter targeted by some ADs, and certainly not the only one implicated in clinical depression and remedied by many currently-prescribed medications. Secondly, a variety of long-term structural changes are seen in individuals taking ADs. Indeed, this is generally believed to be the reason why most depressed individuals can go off medication after a period of time (typically between six months and three years, but with a high variance), and not suffer a relapse. This isn't perfect evidence, however, and remains a controversial issue, so I wouldn't make many definitive claims about the causal effects of medication long-term vs no medication long-term in a similar group, but certainly that includes any statement to the effect that there is no change.

[deang]

tangi,

 

Medication simply increases seritonnin levels in the short-term, however it does not do anything for you long term.

 

I haven't seen any literature to indicate that medication is short term...do you have anything. I did a brief google on prozac and found posts that prozac for long term is fine. I also looked up SSRI's which is what most anti depressants are and also see nothing about them only being short term.

[darkblue]

Sorry, I think I made that statement ambiguous.

 

What I meant to say was something along the lines of: Anti--depressant medication is not a wonder-pill that gets rid of depression.

In order to recover from depression, you need more than simply anti medication.

 

It is effective in getting you back on your feet and able to see things in a different light, but the depressed person must then work themself out of depression to some extent.

 

If depression where a broken bone, ADs would be the painkiller.

[karvala]

Sorry, I think I made that statement ambiguous.

 

What I meant to say was something along the lines of: Anti--depressant medication is not a wonder-pill that gets rid of depression.

In order to recover from depression, you need more than simply anti medication.

 

It is effective in getting you back on your feet and able to see things in a different light, but the depressed person must then work themself out of depression to some extent.

 

If depression where a broken bone, ADs would be the painkiller.

 

I think if depression were a broken bone, ADs would be the plaster cast: something which is necessary to enable internal structural changes which repair existing damage.

[darkblue]

Indeed. "To enable internal structural changes".

 

But the structural changes do not come from the ADs.

[DieTeufelKatze]

I've struggled with chronic depression since I was a young teenager. I was also diagnosed with ADD when I was 13, and have been taking a low-dose medication (10mg Dexedrine) for over 10 years. I just read the other day that 1/3 of adults with ADD develop co-morbid clinical depression. My dad has severe ADD, and my mom has been on an anti-depressant for 7 years. So it's surprising I HAVEN'T been on an SSRI before now considering my hereditary risk factors. Albeit, along with the depression/ADD, I've been blessed with intense creativity and artistic ability/talent, so it's not THAT bad of an inheritance.

 

I was just prescribed 10mg Lexapro last week. I'd been going to therapy for the past 9 months, and for the most part have been able to control my depression over the years with behavioral therapy and the slight anti-depressant effect my ADD medication has. But this last break up sent me DOWN. I think this episode started before the breakup, and was probably one of the big contributing factors. The SSRI was a last resort, but I am SO relieved to not be crying every morning/night for the first time in 3 weeks. The first couple weeks after the breakup, I was doing O.K., was still able to smile/laugh. But the last week before I was finally told I should be on an SSRI, I was in a pit of dispair. NOTHING would shake me out of it. I felt like I was dying. It is not a nice place to be. It had started to effect my work/social life.

 

OP: Your boyfriend should know that starting on an anti-depressant makes you feel VERY weird for the first several days/weeks. It takes a while for your body to adjust to the higher seratonin levels, but once you have been on it a while, it really DOES help. It may be that he hasn't stuck with an anti-depressant long enough to feel the benefit from it, or was put on one that has too many side effects. I am LOVING Lexapro, the side effects have been minimal (as opposed to Effexor, etc.), and it is definitely strong enough to have gotten me out of the pit. I'd hate to see where I'd be this week if I hadn't started taking it.

 

Having struggled with clinical depression for a good number of years, I can tell you that yes, you can combat depression with cognitive/behavioral therapy, but sometimes there comes a point in which that isn't enough. Depressive episodes are triggered by stress and once they start, your brain chemistry is altered and can stay that way for some time before returning to a simi-normal state. When an episode has reached critical mass like that, medication will give you a leg-up so that you can begin to have some perspective. Otherwise, you're stuck on the tape-loop of a chronic depressive state, and that is nearly impossible to get out of for some time without medication. He should really be seeing a NP (Nurse Practitioner) or a Psychiatrist. I see a Psychologist (for a while every week, now every other week), but my family Dr. is familiar with both ADD and Depression medications, so he prescribed me the Lexapro after my Psychologist's recommendation (it only took me one day, thankfully).

 

I guess the only thing you can do is be supportive. He probably doesn't think that getting help will make a difference, but I'm living proof that it does. It's just hard for him to see it because depression clouds your mind so much.