The Niseguy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 my girlfriend and I a month ago started talking about marriage. she told me she can see us gettign married and even told me the cut and setting ring she wants. I have since then started looking for rings. I know for a fact she is the love of my life and I would do anything for her and her daughter. She has commitment issues though. SHe knows this and we have talked about it in the past. It was a big deal to me becuase SHE was the one that brought up the topic of marriage. Last week we were talking about her best friend's bad relationship and she told me that she (my gf) didn't know what she wanted, but she knows she has a good thing. Here is my issue. That comment scares me. She is very emotional physicaly when we cuddle and stuff, she always holds my hand and rests her head on my chest, but she doesnt say it much anymore unless I say it first. I have already put a ring on lay-a-way but I am scared by the comment about she not knowing what she wants but knows she has a good thing. We dont get to see each other much becuse we live 30 miles a part and gas prices has put a bite on visits. plus she has a hard time finding someone to watch her daughter becuase she feels guilty when she leaves her. So, most of our dinner dates (like tonight) are all three of us, which is fine by me. Plus yesterday she sent me text pictures of her daughter while they were shopping for new cloths. She was so cute. Last Saturday we had a "family" outing to the zoo and it just reassured all my feelings for BOTH of them. I am just scared and nevious becuase I dont want all this to blow up in my face. Like I said I already have the ring on lay-a-way. Any advice? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Can you get the money back if she bails on the marriage. I would be kind of nervous is someone was talking about the cut and setting of the ring...I would be concerned that she is more into the jewelry than the marriage. I would suggest having a very serious discussion about marriage and find out if she is interested in marrying you before you start doing a romantic popping of the question with an expensive ring. Link to comment
The Niseguy Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 well one thing about her is she is not a jewlery person. She doesnt wear necklaces or earings or rings at all. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Can you get the money back if she bails on the marriage. I would be kind of nervous is someone was talking about the cut and setting of the ring...I would be concerned that she is more into the jewelry than the marriage. I would suggest having a very serious discussion about marriage and find out if she is interested in marrying you before you start doing a romantic popping of the question with an expensive ring. i agree. don't focus too much on the ring. it's a piece of jewlery. however, the 'i don't know where we are going' comment would concern me a bit. i would seriously talk to her about marriage, what kind of life you two want to have together, etc... before popping the question. Link to comment
CaptainNapalm Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Proposing to someone should be a sure decision on your behalf so if you are worried and even having the most minor doubts I would not buy a ring just yet. Give it more time until you are more sure, that's my opinion. If she loves you she will wait longer Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hi There, I agree with everyone that you need to sit down and talk with her about this seriously before popping the question. It's VERY easy to get caught up in the excitement of a proposal and a beautiful ring but that's not what's important, it's what comes AFTER the wedding that is important and the stuff that real strong and lasting relationships are made of. If she is being vague and unsure and admits to commitment issues I think you need to lay this out on the table with her for an honest talk about where you both see things going and if you are ready to take the steps towards marriage. BTW how old are you both and how long have you been together? Have you spent long periods of time together? Link to comment
The Niseguy Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hi There, I agree with everyone that you need to sit down and talk with her about this seriously before popping the question. It's VERY easy to get caught up in the excitement of a proposal and a beautiful ring but that's not what's important, it's what comes AFTER the wedding that is important and the stuff that real strong and lasting relationships are made of. If she is being vague and unsure and admits to commitment issues I think you need to lay this out on the table with her for an honest talk about where you both see things going and if you are ready to take the steps towards marriage. BTW how old are you both and how long have you been together? Have you spent long periods of time together? We have been together about a year. I amd 32 and she is 29. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 We have been together about a year. I amd 32 and she is 29. How much of that time have you spent together in the physical sense of being in each other's presense? I know that long distance can make this difficult, but have you actually been away together or spent nights with each other to get a feel for what being together in a marriage might feel like? When you say she has 'commitment issues', what specifically is her issue? You say you've talked about this before, what was said? Does she want marriage some day, with the 'right' person? (not to say it isn't you, just trying to get a feel for what's going on.) Link to comment
The Niseguy Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 How much of that time have you spent together in the physical sense of being in each other's presense? I know that long distance can make this difficult, but have you actually been away together or spent nights with each other to get a feel for what being together in a marriage might feel like? When you say she has 'commitment issues', what specifically is her issue? You say you've talked about this before, what was said? Does she want marriage some day, with the 'right' person? (not to say it isn't you, just trying to get a feel for what's going on.) We see each other at least twice a week. Some time more if she is able to come my direction. I drive over to their place and when I do I stay the night and we get up together in the morning and get ready for work. We have done "family" outings with me her and her daughter to the zoo and parks and stuff. She has said she wants to get married, her issues are two fold. She says she is scared of getting hurt again like she has in the past from other "perfect" relationships and also that she is scared of something happeneing with us and it hurting her daughter. We had dinner tonight the three of us. Everythign was great. I know one thing about her is she is not very verbal. She will say the I love you after I say it. She doesnt feel like it has to be said. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Perhaps one of the ideas she needs to leave behind is that her relationship is 'perfect'. The truth is that relationships can be very good, but no relationship is perfect, and relationships take work to maintain... and committing to marriage means putting in the effort to make it work even when things are not so good...and when you wish you could jump ship. Her daughter will be heartbroken whether you break up as boyfriend and girlfriend, or if you were to divorce. She's obviously attached to you already. Just some things to think about and possible points to discuss with her. Link to comment
trash mail Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 dot get married until you are ready sound to me tat you are not ready Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.