I hate myself

[circi]

It's been about 7 months since the ex and I split now. I've dated a little but not met anyone I had any interest in until recently.

 

This guy is everything the ex wasn’t. Tons of fun to go out with, very talkative, very open, sensitive and trusting, listens to me, and seems to be the male version of me in more ways than I can count. He’s even in the same line of work. In the bedroom, yowza!

 

We are talking or texting from the time we get up to the time we go to bed. And unlike when it annoyed me with PJ, I enjoy it with him. My thoughts are that I was liking him too much too fast. He could be a keeper or should I say could have BEEN a keeper. I messed it up. Big time. Beyond big time.

 

I am going to the Michigan 400 on Wed. night. Yesterday at 12:30 I met with a bunch of the others going, they’ve all gone before. They decided to prepare me for what was in store on this trip. On top of my normal drinks, I had countless shots, drank a ton of moonshine, and smoked like a chimney. I don’t think I’m going to survive the trip! New guy had his kids so was at home but going to play taxi for his friends since it was someone’s birthday.

 

Day started out well, we were flirting all day via text, then sometime in the afternoon my mind shut down and all rational thought left. I honestly don’t know what happened to me but I just lost it. Apparently I called new guy and told him he was not a good person, not who he portrayed himself to be…basically from what he told me it sounds like I thought I was talking to the ex. I was mean, hateful, just a horrible horrible person. I do not think any of these things about him! He showed his roommate some of the texts I sent, and she now hates me and sent a nasty text. His other friend deleted me from her myspace page. I haven't spoken to her but obviously she's mad too.

 

He called today, was very monotone and calm. Said he really liked me but did not know if the timing was right. Told me he was not a bad person and I really hurt his feelings and we were going to have to take a few steps back. Spending the day with his kids, told me to rest and he would call me later. If he and his friends never speak to me again, I deserve it.

 

I’m crushed. Why did I do that? I really REALLY like this guy!

 

I'm just sitting here crying trying to figure out what to do to fix it. Thanks for letting me vent. If you have any ideas what to say feel free to tell me. I have to fix what I've done somehow.

[arwen]

Well, strange things happen when you are intoxicated (this was the cause if I read your message correctly). I think he took it really well seeing what happened, but I also think that he could be right that the timing is wrong right now. Somehow I think that if you were really ready to make a new commitment, being drunk wouldn't have caused THIS to happen (not to this degree). Deep down, you are still processing the break up it seems, and that is normal. How long was the relationship you are moving on from?

 

The guy really seems to like you, and I think that things just moved a bit fast even apart from the incident yesterday. My suggestion is to take a breath now, and date him on a slower 'pace' if he still wants to. Give him a day or two to process this. Who knows, he may call you tomorrow.

 

Keep us posted, ok?

[circi]

wow, that's not good.....do you think that maybe you were still kinda messed up from drinking and smoking the night before? Or maybe you still have so many feelings bottled up inside from when you were with your ex, that you kinda just lost it? Have you apologized to him for what you said and explained what you think may have happened?

 

I sent him a text a few minutes ago that I think I know why I acted that way, feel like a piece of ***. I'm not a bad person and understand if he and his friends never spoke to me again.

 

 

He's swimming with his kids right now so he won't see the text until later probably.

[circi]

How long was the relationship you are moving on from?

 

 

We lived together for 1 1/2yrs. We split in December, he met another girl in January and moved in with her in March. I just found all this out on my birthday about a month ago. I don't think I would take the ex back if he asked, but I do still love him and the ties to each other are not completely cut.

[dream83]

I don't think I understand. Did this happen WHILE you were drinking or shortly after? Or was this the next day that you sent the text? Is it possible that you were trying to text your ex but hit the wrong button on your phone and sent to new guy? Did you KNOW that you were texting new guy, or do you simply not remember when or how it happened?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have to wonder if subconsciously you wanted to sabotage this relationship. Being drunk is not really an excuse to go off on a mean rant...and I am not convinced that you imagined you were talking to the ex. So, is there something bothering you about this new guy that could have prompted this reaction from you? Your relationship, you said, is very recent...perhaps this was moving way too fast and subconsciously this was a way to put the brakes on. You have apologized and there is nothing more you can do. If a new guy I was seeing did that to me, I am not so sure I would continue with the relationship...it would show that the other person has some major issues to work out, not only with processing the breakup but also with over-indulging in alcohol to the point of becoming verbally abusive and hurtful. I would certainly think twice, especially if there were children involved.

[circi]

I don't think I understand. Did this happen WHILE you were drinking or shortly after? Or was this the next day that you sent the text? Is it possible that you were trying to text your ex but hit the wrong button on your phone and sent to new guy? Did you KNOW that you were texting new guy, or do you simply not remember when or how it happened?

 

 

I spoke to new guy on the phone while I was drunk. I do not remember even talking to him. He called me today and told me what I had said and texted after the phone call. I was literally a crazy woman. I have never ever done that and have decided that when I return in a week there is no more drinking for me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I spoke to new guy on the phone while I was drunk. I do not remember even talking to him. He called me today and told me what I had said and texted after the phone call. I was literally a crazy woman. I have never ever done that and have decided that when I return in a week there is no more drinking for me.

 

 

Why not pledge to not drink even while you are away. I have to wonder about those friends of yours who think it is fun to get completely wasted like that.

[dream83]

Ah, thanks. Okay then, you were drunk. Well I think it's great that you're considering not drinking or at least not drinking so much if things like this happen. Probably a good move. I'd say that because you were drinking and celebrating or whatever with friends maybe new guy could overlook this as a one-time thing (of course it will totally be his cause and the fact that you got so drunk and said nasty things might be enough of a turnoff in itself, no offense). If you're serious about not letting it happen again and you want to give the relationship a fair shot (and you're ready for it), I would talk to new guy when you get back, let him know how ashamed and humiliated you feel and make it clear to him that you absolutely won't let it happen again because you won't be drinking (if that's your decision). Then of course it will be up to him, but at least he will hopefully see your sincerity and write it off as a mistake.

 

Is it possible that you did have some apprehension about the relationship that may have in any way led to this? If that's the case, then slowing down and moving at a mutually comfortable pace is probably a good idea as well.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

This is where you throw yourself on his mercy and tell him you obviously can't hold your liquor (or drugs as the case may be if what you were smoking was more than cigarettes).

 

Then you cancel you trip on Wednesday and quit drinking/drugging. I think you need to show him you are SERIOUS about knowing you really screwed up and have no intention of putting yourself into that situation again or associating with people who put you into that situation.

 

Are you sure these 'friends' didn't slip you something that made you think you were talking to your ex (some drug)? If they were 'preparing you for what was in store' you DON'T want any more of that, nor of the people who would do that to you.