Obama Nom, NC help help

[npc24]

He intro'd me to Barack Obama, we both read his books together while we were together.

 

Barack just secured the nomination and i just cant help thinkin about it.

i want to just text him and say "can you believe he actually did it" but im so afraid it will just break my heart.

would it be the worst thing ever to just say that.

 

i mean i ignored him the other night when i saw him out cuz he has said he didnt want to talk to me, he acts like he hates me...for those of you who've read my posts you know the story so i wont go into it.

[Loris]

You know the answer to this so don't bother. As much as you want to.

 

We've all been there and it's not worth going back to square one for. Just think with your head on this one and be strong.

[npc24]

i know i know, im sitting here with the text written and i just cant stop thinkin about sending it.

i imagine hed think it was annoying...i just know how much it meant to us both.

thanks loris.

i guess even that might look desperate huh

[Loris]

Not desperate at all. I bet he's thinking about sending the same thing! Show your strength because he's expecting you to actually go through with it.

[jettison]

He intro'd me to Barack Obama, we both read his books together while we were together.

 

Barack just secured the nomination and i just cant help thinkin about it.

i want to just text him and say "can you believe he actually did it" but im so afraid it will just break my heart.

would it be the worst thing ever to just say that.

 

i mean i ignored him the other night when i saw him out cuz he has said he didnt want to talk to me, he acts like he hates me...for those of you who've read my posts you know the story so i wont go into it.

 

I can sympathize, but even mentioning "Obama" on this board is breaking ENA rules.

[npc24]

i doubt it..he stopped contacting me months ago.

and when i saw him the other night he looked at me but we never had any exchange..if you read my story you'll see

i guess trying to be the bigger guy just never works on either side.

if i sent it and he didnt reply id just assume he was annoyed.

if he did it would a revelation. it makes say, is the risk worth it.

[npc24]

its not a political statement, just a fond memory based on a book we read together.

[littlej]

The news here is that Barack is the presumptive nominee. Your ex probably knows this already so there is no need to contact. If you were sitting next to Barack and he leaned over and personally told you "yea man I locked it up" then call your ex just to stick it. Until then loose lips sink ships, NC.

[npc24]

its so sad that i hope i entered his mind when he hears.

the truth is, he doesnt care about those moments together or he wouldnt have treated me like he did

[greywolf]

I can sympathize, but even mentioning "Obama" on this board is breaking ENA rules.

 

I'm pretty sure it's ok to mention it as long as it's not a debate and connected to something about your relationship.

[jettison]

I'm pretty sure it's ok to mention it as long as it's not a debate and connected to something about your relationship.

 

If what you say is true, then it's inconsistent with the posts that have always been deleted in the past.

[DN]

I'm pretty sure it's ok to mention it as long as it's not a debate and connected to something about your relationship.

Moderator Note; Yes, this is correct. If the thread were to start into a political debate it would be closed or the debate posts deleted but so far it is OK as it is about an event in the relationship.

[arcadefire]

Of course the answer is no. Don't send the text! You two stopped contact long ago. And the only contact you should accept from him is that of desperately wanting to get back together with you. Otherwise you're setting yourself up with a silent rejection.

[npc24]

i didnt send it.

im dying right now.

god i miss him, i hate all of this. im just so sure he and i were supposed to be together and seeing him out the other night, single with two sad friends, and me acting so confident for the first time, just not acknowledging him, kissing someone, i'll never know if he felt anything seeing that. if it hurt him, if it didnt mean anything to him...if it even made him the least bit jealous.

Do dumpers feel that pain when they see the person they left kissing someone else?

or when he sees me on the same chat site at the same time does he look at my profile they way i look at his?

[greywolf]

i didnt send it.

im dying right now.

god i miss him, i hate all of this. im just so sure he and i were supposed to be together and seeing him out the other night, single with two sad friends, and me acting so confident for the first time, just not acknowledging him, kissing someone, i'll never know if he felt anything seeing that. if it hurt him, if it didnt mean anything to him...if it even made him the least bit jealous.

Do dumpers feel that pain when they see the person they left kissing someone else?

or when he sees me on the same chat site at the same time does he look at my profile they way i look at his?

 

npc I know it's hard, but you have to stop wondering about whether he felt anything or not. Because even if he felt something, it didn't make him come back to you. So it doesn't matter whether he was indifferent or if he felt pain. I'm sorry.

[greywolf]

jettison, point taken, please leave it be and let me garner the advice offered in my thread.

if it offends you dont read it.

 

i know it doesnt matter in the scheme of things, it just means that if it hurt than in some way i matter...or did.

 

You do matter. I know you want to matter to him, but like I said there's no point wondering about it because in the end he doesn't want to come back.

[npc24]

i know, we wil have been broken up a year in like 2 weeks.

its just so tough cuz he tooks things so to a bad level, talking bad about me to people, etc, when i let him go.

he cant seem to just be civil when i literally did nothing to hurt him, i never chased him down, never stalked him, yet he acts like i did. we work in the same industry and its affected my work, and i see him out and he just looks so uncomfortable and weird..he doesnt want to come back, i dont bother him, why does he have to act that way.

then i just try to assert myself by not acknowledging him and even go as far as to kiss someone else, hoping it at least hurt him a little, even though id never wanna hurt him, but i can understand why if he doesnt care at all, he seems to act as if he does

[greywolf]

That's the problem... you're still doing everything for HIM. You didn't acknowledge him for him, you kissed someone for him. You should be doing those things for yourself!

Your ex did handle things very badly and acted like a total jerk. But that doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It means that HE'S the bad person. Someday you'll find someone that'll treat you right and loves you like you deserved to be loved. Then you'll thank some higher power (whatever you believe in) that he broke up with you.

[npc24]

i am doing things for myself...im dating here and there, doing stuff for work, etc.

that night yes it was for him because in the near year ive seen him twice before then and both times he snubbed me, as you have likely read.

then hed apologize and then eventually he just cut me off.

my heart keeps telling me its cuz he still feels emotionally raw too, and is looking for the next best thing, living his life, exploring his world, which i want for him.

i did that the ohter night to at least try a little to disprove that i was still not over him, by not laying down and dying, saying hi and being rejected.

it makes me sick to think that it didnt at least make him feel something...i mean throw a dog a bone dumpers...does it still feel weird to see that even if you've dumped someone...they tried to be nice for so long and then when you do see them again this time around they just completely snub you.

Greywolf, thanks so much for continuing to talk. i feel like im not getting any advice on here lately.

[greywolf]

Do you usually post at night? ENA can go pretty slow around this time.

NPC, let's say that your ex did give you some sign that he got jealous or he felt some pain seeing you kiss another guy. Would that really help you move on? If I knew something like that I think I'd take steps backwards. It'd give me hope that he still wanted me and keep me from moving on.

I think you're having such a hard time with this because a part of you really doesn't want to move on. You're still holding on to some hope that he wants you back. You have to let go.

[npc24]

I know i am, im trying everything in my power to acknowledge he doesnt want me anymore.

i agree with you that yes it would set me back, it has frankly just wondering if it bothered him.

but the truth is, i met him at 29 years old, after spending my life searching and we struck eachother in such an organic way. He loved me, and i loved him and then it was like out of the blue, even though i know he thought about, he just ended it...and when he did, he just refused to see me, saying it was to painful, and then just kept pushing for a time when we'd be friends..i accepted that we wernt in a relationship anymore and started trying to move into a friendly place with him...never seeing him but having light chat...then when he did see me he just snubbed me, as you've read. I dont know what flipped in him that made him suddenly go on a war path with me, to try and hurt me. I just wished that the road would smooth out, at least enough to say hello, at least enough to be ok shooting him a smile and knowing that he'd have at least held close what we had, even it is was over.

all of my firends, and people on here talk about how their ex's see them, or eventually come back, mine just got meaner and meaner, saying that he was building up a wall for me, so i could get over things...

all i really wanted was a "im sorry that this didnt work out, i wish it would have but it didnt." instead i got im sorry and now im going to beat you over the head until you are destroyed..no matter how nice you are to me about letting me go.

its so painful to forgive someone and have them not know it. my actions this weekend were just an attempt to make myself at least look like i no longer cared, or that i could be just as mean by saying nothing.

we will see eacohter again, we will for a long while, both living in LA and both hanging out in the limited pool that is gay los angeles...

i suppose i just hoped that eventually it would smooth out enough that we could say hi...and i want to be the bigger person and just do that, but now it seems that being the bigger person means just leaving him be when i see him, not looking at him.

i hate that i havent found a way to let go. i just hate believing that something brought me together with him and he and i both know it...but maybe he doesnt care.

he tortures my soul with smiles of the past....

[greywolf]

i hate that i havent found a way to let go. i just hate believing that something brought me together with him and he and i both know it...but maybe he doesnt care.

he tortures my soul with smiles of the past....

 

What have you been doing so that you can let go? Have you been taking care of yourself, and working on bettering yourself? Have you stopped checking his myspace or whatever social network he uses? I followed your story in the beginning and I remember you used to check his myspace a lot.

[npc24]

i still do.

the hard thing is the dating site. we are both on a small site called connexion and when you are on, you can see the other person is on too.

i dont want to get off of it cuz im using it to talk to people etc, but when i see him on chatting it kills me and usually one of us signs off...i go so far as to think he sees me and looks at my profile and is scared im on so he signs off, but its unlikely.

honestly im not doing enough. im seeing a therapist, for nearly a year now, and im slowly trying to rebuild. i quit a job of 8 years with a 6 figure income as a result of this break. ive travelled, i go out, but again, my hangouts tend to be his and part of me always wants to see him, but another part is so scared to.

im considering going on meds for a short time.

this whole thing was a catalyst for many other issues, the gay thing first of all, the fear that i wont have the life i dreamed of, and worst of all, that when we met, it was so real and so normal and so outside of all the things that seem to exist and scare me in the gay world.

i even fear he found this site and figured out im on here...its frankly an obsession

[greywolf]

That's what I mean. You have to stop being so obsessed. Try not to think about him. Don't cyberstalk him. Why can you see he's online at the dating site? Does that mean you guys are friends on that site? Can't you take him off of your friend's list?

[npc24]

now you dont have to be friends to see, its like a group room.

meanwhile this is how small the gay world is.

some guy just started talkin to me, such a nice guy and within 5 monutes told me he knew who my ex was and that he had met him several times...i never even mentioned his name.