IMAbadman Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 OK... so I'm dating this girl for the past 2 yrs. and 11 months. I mention to her about moving into my house. She says she wants to move further away... closer to her work due to the price of gas. I ask her where she sees us in the future. She says we can date. I tell her I don’t want to date for the rest of my life, I’m not OK with this. Anyway she comes over March 15th is standing at the front door, inside the house, and says we're going in different directions. She can't do this anymore... and she's lost her giddiness. I asked her to sit down and talk, she sits on my lap hugs and kisses me and talks for a few moments. I found this rather strange for a break up. Anyway she never really said why she wanted to break up, what the root cause was. I guess it didn’t matter, her mind was made up. I didn’t beg or plead. I remained very calm and collected during our brief conversation and I said this isn’t what I wanted and that I care about her. She said she cares about me, wants us to be friends but knows I won’t allow that. I’ve told her before EX’s can’t be friends there’s always a motive involved. Then she said she has to go and that’s the last I’ve seen or heard from her. She got in her car crying and drove away crying, she never looked back. I’ve made no attempt to contact her nor has she made attempts to contact me. Well this weekend I packed up all her things at my house. On my way home from work last night I stopped by her apartment, she wasn’t home. I left her things at the front door with a note, “Sorry for the intrusion. I just thought I should return some of your things. Don’t be a stranger. Take care.” I did this to rid myself of the reminders of her. I grieved and decided to move on with my life. Her treadmill is still in my basement but she can move that thing herself. I will not initiate contact with her. I will only reciprocate contact if she initiates contact first and if it seems a worthy of a response. Questions anyone??? Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 [i will not initiate contact with her. I will only reciprocate contact if she initiates contact first and if it seems a worthy of a response. Questions anyone??? Yeah, that's probably the best strategy...sorry man. Link to comment
jettison Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 It's a pretty good life lesson I'm afraid. In general, if you make demands of someone's time when they are acting distant from you then you will dramatically, and sometimes irreversibly increase that distance. If you sense a person pulling away from you then it is generally not the time to act. It's generally the time to do absolutely nothing at all. There are no games to play. There are no lines to lend. There is no puzzle to solve. You don't have to say anything or think anything. You just live your life, continues to be positive and outgoing, and if they come back to you then you there is really something lasting there. The highest love is the gift of freedom. The ugliest love is the one of possession. Very often, if you are always in the habit of lending freedom with your love then your love will never really leave. Who wants a caged bird for a love? They are sad, immobile, and have forgotten how to fly. Usher that love out of the cage, out the door, and out into the world by itself. When it comes back to you someday, perched on your windowsill, your heart can then toss it a few crumbs and hope it comes back for more. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I know what your ex feels like. I do not want or desire marriage. I am much more into my career. I can understand about moving closer to work because of the gas prices. It doesn't mean she has done anything wrong or confusing, she just doesn't see herself as being a married woman. You have done nothing wrong, either. You want to be married some day. That is simple to understand. Try to understand that she doesn't want what you want. It is better to find someone who wants to marry you. God knows there are plenty of women like that. Just try to understand where she is coming from. If she comes back, don't push her into marriage. I had that done to me, we got married, I got pregnant, and we ended up divorced and hating each other. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I wasn't pushing for marriage. I'm not ready for that either. I just wanted a closer relationship. I may have pushed to hard for us to move in together though... and this certainly could have been the downfall. I wanted a dialog. She would not express what she wanted, or didn't want for that matter. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I know what your ex feels like. I do not want or desire marriage. I am much more into my career. I can understand about moving closer to work because of the gas prices. It doesn't mean she has done anything wrong or confusing, she just doesn't see herself as being a married woman. You have done nothing wrong, either. You want to be married some day. That is simple to understand. Try to understand that she doesn't want what you want. It is better to find someone who wants to marry you. God knows there are plenty of women like that. Just try to understand where she is coming from. If she comes back, don't push her into marriage. I had that done to me, we got married, I got pregnant, and we ended up divorced and hating each other. where did he mention marriage? he didnt offer marriage or anything of the sort he offered a shack up! Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I wasn't pushing for marriage. I'm not ready for that either. I just wanted a closer relationship. I may have pushed to hard for us to move in together though... and this certainly could have been the downfall. At 39 with 3yrs of 'trying each other out' she probably thought if the best he can come up with is a shack up which will lower his bills but increase mine.. Im outta here! Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 5, 2008 Author Share Posted June 5, 2008 At 39 with 3yrs of 'trying each other out' she probably thought if the best he can come up with is a shack up which will lower his bills but increase mine.. Im outta here! Good point. Never thought of it that way, certainly didn't think she would have either but I don't know. I was trying to take it slow, maybe too slow. Link to comment
SkyPirate Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 IMAbadman.....I've read all your old posts, starting with the first one in 2004. You are a thoughtful, intelligent and strong person. I don't know how this all turned out since the last posting was in June, but allow me my two cents. Hold out for someone who is wildly in love with you, thinks they are incredibly lucky to have found you and never, not for one moment makes you wonder if they love you. You simply deserve no less. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Do yourself and her a favor and don't respond to any contact she makes even if it passes your 'worthiness' test. She didn't want to leave you (hence the crying) and you weren't willing to go after her. It doesn't say much for the commitment level of a man who wants to cohabitate. She was preserving her dignity by staying away. Link to comment
larryburst Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I think you did well with the "dont be a stranger" comment. You've opened up communication but if you're curious, if you still love her and would be fine with rejection, I dont think opening up that line a little further would hurt any. So if you're okay and have accepted the way things are, why not? Link to comment
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