Meeting older women from internet...

[Luke Skywalker]

...her age is 50 years old, but claims she looks like she's in her 30's. I'm 32 years old, leading a 20 year gap difference.

 

I'm keeping this secret and not letting my parents in on this, but in this matter I seriously doubt my judgement and think this is simply a case of hungry eyes and desperation gone wild:

 

This is how we differ:

- She's a divorcee and has a couple of kids that have long moved out.

- I still live with my parents and am a virgin. (disclosed this to her)

- She seems to subscribe to the 'Buddist phlisophy' but doesn't want to pigeonhole herself into any particular religion.

- I'm a born-again Christian with standards of only dating people in my same faith.

 

Here is how we are similar:

- We both like the same kid venues to go out on dates and are kids at heart and like the same sort of activities.

- We both would like to have a relationship I suppose.

- She likes the same sort of movies and is a deep thinker like I am, so we are similar on an intellectual level.

 

Here is why I think I'm desperate guy with a case of hungry eyes:

 

- Would I naturally choose to go out with a 50 year old woman if I had real solid options of yonger girls or those within my range? Answer: Not likely unless I was crazy.

 

- If I was alone with a girl or intimate before, would I have this naive attraction for being with anyone who is taking me on? Answer: Hopefully not unless I was crazy.

 

- I wouldn't keep information from my parents unless I was proud of something. For some reason this is being kept quiet. That means something isn't right. However I'm just posting about it here.

 

Question # 1: Am I in my right mind to have set-up a coffee date?

 

Possibly -- a coffee date doesn't mean anything. However, taking that step raises alarm bells that I'm slowly being taken into something that previously would have been something I would not have touched with a ten-foot pole.

 

Question #2: Should I disclose this to my parents? Tell my mom about this, blow the lid on it so to speak.

 

Question #3: Maybe it's a good deal and I'm just making a decision:

- I have someone to take to specific destinations for fun.

- She's getting something from it since she may feel yonger with me, and I"m getting something from it because I have someone to take out to certain places, and this may be a nice chance of having some real experiences rather than plastic ones.

- I cant find someone in my own age range or yonger possibly because I don't have my act together and am a momma's boy, this woman doesn't seem to care about that.

 

I guess I'm a bit confused and would like to see what other people think, if I'm making a good judgement, or if I'm just too desperate to even make good judgements anymore of who I'm choosing to meet or date.

[melrich]

- Would I naturally choose to go out with a 50 year old woman if I had real solid options of yonger girls or those within my range? Answer: Not likely unless I was crazy.

 

for this reason (and a few others I don't need to highlight), i think you should let this woman alone.

[Luke Skywalker]

Thank you melrich. Any other comments on here? What about the things in common? Not enough juice there I suppose? She claims that she likes me due to all these things in common and she likes yonger guys because they turn her on. That makes me feel good that I can turn on someone, that means she wants me right?

 

Darn, I hope I'm not thinking with my little head, got to think with the big head. No seriously, any other comments?

[Luke Skywalker]

Sigh.

 

I'm planning to meet her mid-week so there is some time to review responses to this.

 

What is the potential harm in any relationship such as this? I mean so I take her too a few places, if there is chemistry we enjoy ourselves together, if not, it just ends at the coffee date, just like any other date. Should I treat everybody equally and if there is chemistry take it to the next level, or should I really be objective and pigeonhole people into categories and maintain boundaires? I suppose an age gap to that extreme is not healthy or this is not going to go well?

 

But, again, if I wont tell my parents about it, then maybe something is not right about it.

[Clementine orange]

Why do you have to think with your big head...just askin'

 

Wouldn't do any harm to meet her for a coffee date. Not sure about an actual relationship though...live on the edge I say.

 

About the parents, and not to be rude but why do you have to tell them anything - you're 32 for goodness sakes.

 

One of the pluses you didn't mention - the positives. You might learn something about people! a Buddhist philosopher? That might be interesting. It's no crime to talk to someone outside your faith...indeed I think it is encouraged under the "we should all get along" kind of idea.

[Clementine orange]

Sigh.

 

and if there is chemistry take it to the next level, .

 

Don't worry about the next level, focus on the first level. This might be really good for you...but don't lose your head!

[JadedStar]

I agree with melrich. I sure wouldn't want to date a guy who was telling others he wouldn't want to date me if he had better options. I'd prefer he spare me and just pass.

[Luke Skywalker]

But then again, maybe this is a good option that would be missed if I had what I thought were better options but missed the diamond in the rough.

 

I don't think realistically it would work to have a real relationship though.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, let me rephrase, if I go after this woman, then am I lowering myself in any way? Is this part of an inferiority complex where I don't feel worthy of girls my own age category, and somehow I'm escaping that sort of reality by seeing someone who is way older that is taking me on and this is just some sort of escape? Would a relationship in this context really count for something, or is it in the same level as going with a prostitute, a loose casual girl, or an 18 year old loita that gets turned on by older guys?

So, the question is if this is part of the natural order of things.

 

Or, maybe I should just continue indulging in pity-parties like everyone else is doing on here about how they cant get dates - at least I'm trying something here -- but does this even count because of the age difference?

 

A coffee date may be innosent, but then again, I'm going under her influence any time I start getting a bit involved. These things always start of as innoscent and harmless. How they end is quite a different story.

 

Everything is anonymous here - no names - let's treat this as academical folks.

[Clementine orange]

It's just a date!!!!

[Luke Skywalker]

It's just a date!!!!

 

Are you sure she wont take my soul?

[JadedStar]

Lowering yourself?

 

Hmm, what if she is also on a forum asking people if she is lowering herself going out with a virgin who lives with his parents?

 

Not tyring to be mean luke, but saying you might be lowering yourself because of her age is pretty ignorant.

[Luke Skywalker]

Lowering yourself?

 

Hmm, what if she is also on a forum asking people if she is lowering herself going out with a virgin who lives with his parents?

 

As long as she doesn't use any names, I really don't give a crap. There are many people on here that wont date a virgin, and there are many people that would. Each person is entitled to their own preference.

 

Part of the point of these anonymous forums is to get advice without compromising identity, security or anything otherwise, guess what, this whole system would crash. So, I don't care if someone I know is on here and is anonymously asking for advice.

 

 

Not tyring to be mean luke, but saying you might be lowering yourself because of her age is pretty ignorant.

 

Your are entitled to your opinion. I'm just confused about this, I'm not looking down on anyone because of their age.

[Clementine orange]

Are you sure she wont take my soul?

 

I hope you are joking!

 

It's really not all about lowering yourself or whatever, if you like her, or are remotely interested then you should investigate. No-one is really any higher or lower than anyone else....well, unless one is dating another species alltogether...though that might be debatable as well!

[JadedStar]

 

Your are entitled to your opinion. I'm just confused about this, I'm not looking down on anyone because of their age.

 

Well Luke you are the one who asked would you be "lowering" yourself dating her.

 

If you like the girl why on earth would you feel that way? Do you think you are a better catch than she is? Your choice of words was interesting to say the least.

 

If it helps you with your choice i am 41 and have had men the age of 22 with serious crushes on me and that would be a similar age difference. I would not imagine they felt they were lowering themselves so i dont know why you would think you would be. If you like a person isn't that the main point?

[greywolf]

Ok, let me rephrase, if I go after this woman, then am I lowering myself in any way?

 

If you think you're better than her, which I think is a very rude and selfish thing to think. Some people are just into dating someone much older than them, and that's fine. But to say you're lowering yourself? sheesh

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, that's right, we are just dating, no big deal. Ok, I'm going to see her and see how it pans out. If this succeed or fails, then it will succed or fail on it's own merits.

 

I already set up this coffee date, so at the very least I'm going to let it go through. If we don't have a great connection at the end of that date, then at least I gave it a try and let the outcome proceed on its own merit.

 

If we do have a great connection, then great, but will likely proceed to pleutonic based activities. I don't know about an aged body. Does an aged female body look really different from a yonger one?

[JadedStar]

Yeah, that's right, we are just dating, no big deal. Ok, I'm going to see her and see how it pans out. If this succeed or fails, then it will succed or fail on it's own merits.

 

I already set up this coffee date, so at the very least I'm going to let it go through. If we don't have a great connection at the end of that date, then at least I gave it a try and let the outcome proceed on its own merit.

 

If we do have a great connection, then great, but will likely proceed to pleutonic based activities. I don't know about an aged body. Does an aged female body look really different from a yonger one?

 

 

In my personal circle of friends alone i have some friends who are 50 whose bodies are slammin lookin next to some of my 25 year old ones. Reason being the 25 year olds in question are flabby and out of shape and the 50 year old ones work out and keep themselves fit.

 

YOu can find many woman who are 50 with a pretty good looking body and plenty of younger ones who don't have one.

 

It depends on the person luke. We can't tell you if she is in shape or not.

[ManAbout]

You are not "lowering yourself" because you are pretty low on the dating scale yourself. You are a 32 year old virgin living at home. She is a 50 year old divorcee with kids.

 

Would a successful 32 year old man who has experience being with women ever date a 50 year old divorcee? I would say that in 90% of the cases, the answer would be NO. Sure sometimes things happen and you end up being attracted to someone you normally wouldnt.

 

But, a 50 yr old woman is not high on the list for most successful men in their 30s, 40s and even dare I say it, 50s.

[novaseeker]

You're only lowering yourself, to use your term, if you think you are.

 

Objectively, there is nothing "lower" about a younger man dating a woman who is 50. There are some totally amazing, gorgeous women who are 50 whom you should feel honored to be with, to be honest. Of course, I don't know if that's the case with this particular woman, but her age shouldn't be the main issue for you, the issue should be like any other person you are dating: do you get along, share interests, enjoy each other, etc. If things move on from there then you look at the compatibilities and the like. At your age, the age gap, while significant, shouldn't be a huge obstacle because you are in a mature life stage yourself -- there are things to consider in the longer term, if that's where it goes, but you're not there yet, so no need to worry about that yet.

[ycmanvs]

Wow, there are some harsh responses here. If you find this woman attractive, go meet her. You do not need to tell your parents because you are an adult. Once you meet her in person, you can see if you actually would like to spend more time with her...then come back and ask us for advice.

[Luke Skywalker]

You are not "lowering yourself" because you are pretty low on the dating scale yourself. You are a 32 year old virgin living at home. She is a 50 year old divorcee with kids.

 

Perhaps I mean to say 'taking the easy way out' as opposed to 'lowerng myself'. Is this an example of me taking the easy way out - because I"m going out with someone that likes yonger guys rather than trying to go after more 'challenging' girls that may be within my age range and at least be a marriage prospect if it works out?

 

Would a successful 32 year old man who has experience being with women ever date a 50 year old divorcee? I would say that in 90% of the cases, the answer would be NO. Sure sometimes things happen and you end up being attracted to someone you normally wouldnt.

 

Depends on how the woman looks like. She claims she looks yonger than her chronological age, and maybe into things that represent a yoger age.

 

I already live with my mom and go out with her all the time. So technically I'm already dating a 70 year old woman and am acting like a surrogate husband since I'm virtually taking her out somewhere every day, and going out with another old woman, just seems weird.

 

But, a 50 yr old woman is not high on the list for most successful men in their 30s, 40s and even dare I say it, 50s.

 

That's right, but there is another option which is to date no-one and just be single. I'm not just going to date anyone just to need to have a woman, because that's stupid. Now, I've gone out with an 18 year old with a child, and a 22 year old college student, but this is the biggest age gap yet going north.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If you are staying a virgin and are christian, she is buddhist and is 20 years older than you, it sounds like she would make a better FRIEND than a date.

 

Why not befriend her and keep looking for someone more appropriate to date.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'll update this thread after I've meet her in person. Then I can evaluate such things like chemistry, quality of connection, if I like her physically, if get along nicely, etc... and then look at this thing on the merits, whether friendship, romance, or yonge virgin guy meets couger and gets more than he bargained for, whatever.... (just kidding about the last part).

[ycmanvs]

I'll update this thread after I've meet her in person. Then I can evaluate such things like chemistry, quality of connection, if I like her physically, if get along nicely, etc... and then look at this thing on the merits, whether friendship, romance, or yonge virgin guy meets couger and gets more than he bargained for, whatever.... (just kidding about the last part).

 

EXACTLY...meet first, then decide about where you are going to take this...