I messed up...

[RyanB18]

Hello, I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and it has been amazing I cant think of a time I have not loved her. I work a lot and when im not working I hang out with her, which means I literally never see my friends. Also I never drink I maybe drink twice a year tops. Well last night my friends threw a party and I went and got drunk and fooled around with this other girl who I knew from a couple of years ago. We did not have sex but kissed and groped each other a little. I still feel like crap this is the first time I have ever cheated and I dont think I can find it in me to tell my girlfriend. I know I am a monster for this but it was so random I never act like this ugh, I just needed to vent and hopefully get some tips from anyone.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, i guess you know now you shouldn't drink if you tend to do this...

 

Is there any chance this will get back to her? If there is, you'd better tell her yourself first, and tell her you won't drink again.

 

If she finds out from someone else she might think far worse went on and that you had sex with this girl and dump you.

[RyanB18]

I don't really see this getting back to her just because I dont see a lot of my friends or that girl just because I always am so buisy and as for drinking the 2 times a year has become 0 times a year.

[Lana0120]

If you don't think she'll find out, don't tell her. It'll only hurt her. Just don't be so free with your alcohol if you think it makes you act on base impulses...

[darkpumpkin]

Thing with keeping it a secret is it could come out, and if so knowing you kept it from her will do more damage then trying to work through it. Two examples:

 

My mom and dad first got married, threw a party. My mothers friend came on to my completely out of his mind drunk father and fooled around. My father told my mom first thing the next morning. It was hard but they worked through it.

 

My sister was cheated on by her 6 year fiance, she was never told. Found out 4 months later by the girl he was with and due to him not telling her immediately after it happened (which made her look like a fool) she walked away and never looked back.

 

The call is really all yours but think would you rather want to know and work through it with your girl if she did this to you or would rather have her keep it from you and hope you never found out this one tiny indiscreation.

[CandyKins]

Okay, I'm going to show you a difference. Hopefully it will make you feel better.

 

A man and woman is in a relationship. Behind his back she has been dating with someone for the past few months and having sex. That's wrong and that woman is a monster. She has the respect for the man or the relationship and just cannot be trusted. No matter how much the man loves her, it's best that there's a break-up.

 

A man and woman is in a relationship. She kissed someone while she was drinking at her friend's party. She didn't have sex. Now compare that to the example above. See the difference?

 

I suggest you don't tell her and let it go. You will get over it in time. But if you do it again then you got a problem be it having sex or not. We all make mistakes from our lives, the best thing to do it learn from them and prevent them to happen.

[RyanB18]

thank you all for the replies I still feel that I wont tell her it was a completely random mistake and I know that I will never make it again I still feel awful though.

[Rabican]

Normally if the person (you in this case) sounds sorry about what they did, and isnt making escuses for it... chances are you wont do it again. At least it sounds that way to me. My vote would be to make a promise to yourself (swear to god, on your moms grave whatever it takes) that itll never happen again... and then just put it behind you.

 

Now keep yourself out of situations where this can happen. And Id also suggest having some time once in a while WITHOUT your girlfriend. Spending 100% of your time either at work, or with her sooner or later will burn you out regardless of how much you love her. Ever hear of too much of a good thing? Even a day here or there to yourself will make you enjoy your time with her that much more, plus itll recharge the batteries so to speak.

[Gracelove]

You're not a monster, just tell her the truth. That you love her, and you cheated, and you're extremely sorry.

 

I personally suggest you drown her in gifts for the next 6 months.

 

But her jewelry (not cheap jewelry). Give her cards and flowers once a week.

 

Take her out more often. Don't chat on the phone with other women. This may help.

 

And most importantly!!!! Don't blame her for your cheating, that shows insincerity.

[Kristinv18]

The best way to approach the situation has to be the hardest way. You need to tell her because if you don't it will eat you up inside. If you wait then the whole relationship will be based on a lie. If you love her you must tell her. If she takes you back that fine and she doesn't its fine too. Don't hold on to something that is not meant to be

[daylightisdying]

I'm going with the minority here and I would say to come out and tell her the truth or it will eat you up inside.

[YabbaDabba]

You're not a monster, just tell her the truth. That you love her, and you cheated, and you're extremely sorry.

 

I personally suggest you drown her in gifts for the next 6 months.

 

But her jewelry (not cheap jewelry). Give her cards and flowers once a week.

 

Take her out more often. Don't chat on the phone with other women. This may help.

 

And most importantly!!!! Don't blame her for your cheating, that shows insincerity.

 

 

I have to disagree with this approach. If my boyfriend of two years cheated on me, then confessed and his solution was to buy me jewelry for six months, I'd be pissed. That would basically just tell me that he's trying to buy his way out of his mistake.

 

For the OP: every bone in my body is saying that I'd want to know my boyfriend cheated on me. Mostly because I'd rather hear it from him that from some random person or mutual friend. But since it's clear that you're completely remorseful, I think it's best that you don't tell her. As long as you're 100% certain that she won't find out, just learn from your mistakes, and move on.

 

As a female, I don't think I'd want to know. I mean, it's not like you made out with a co-worker over your lunch break while completely sober--that would denote a problem in your relationship.

 

Your situation, though, is just an example of what happens when some people drink too much. Avoid alcohol as much as possible and I wish you both the best.