I'm turning 22 he is turning 19

[twentiesgirl86]

We aren't dating but we both want to so we are seeing what happens after we get together with our friends some more. I don't really mind the age difference too much, but I am worried about what other people will think about me if we do end up together. Not only that, I am a virgin and I've never been in a relationship. I've kissed one guy and that was a horrible experience.

What if since I am three years older he expects me to be experienced? I know his longest relationship was two months and I think he has only had two girlfriends so he doesn't have a lot of experience either, but he might disappointed when he finds out I am a lot less experienced then he is. I know nothing about relationships except from what I've seen and what I've read in books.

[KaylaJoy]

I always like dating younger guys for some reason, and I fell hard for a guy 11 years younger than I, but the age difference turned out to be a big issue, even though we had been friends for years. I don't think 3 years is that big of a deal though, and if you take it very slowly, could turn into a wonderful relationship!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I agree the three years isn't bad People shouldn't think anything of it and if they do they really aren't worth your hassel.

 

Secondly perhaps bring that up with him. He if likes you he shouldn't be disappointed. Try not to worry about it too much (i know hard for me to say) because this just means you get to create a much better kissing experience then last time. Its natural to be nervous, but dont let that ruin anything. Because im sure he won't mind teaching you a bit

[Superfreak]

I think it's a good match. Their's no generational disconnect here, you two are pretty much in the same demographic, you probably both watched the same shows as kids, have similar experiences and such. My ex was a bit over a year older then me and we made it work for 2 years, she was also really inexperienced and so was I. I actually liked that about her. It meant we were starting out on pretty much equal footing.

 

I don't think guys really think the way that you think they do. I've talked about girls extensively with alot of guys and one of the last things I ever hear is "I wish she had more experience with other guys before I dated her".

[ManAbout]

It is not the actual age difference that is the issue here. We are talking about an 18/19 year old boy here. A lot of guys that age have the maturity level equivalent to that of a 15/16 year old girl. As a 22 year old WOMAN, you should be a lot more mature than a guy that age. And it is not about relationship experience or what ever, it is about he acts, talks, thinks etc. If you feel you can deal with that and are compatible at the level, go ahead.

[twentiesgirl86]

He's actually a lot more mature then his age. He's had to work hard to support his family. I didn't know he was younger until he told me his age.

But now I feel more uncomfortable thinking about it that way. He is a boy and I am a woman. Maybe I shouldn't worry about it. I'm too mature for him I guess.

[MD Geist]

We aren't dating but we both want to so we are seeing what happens after we get together with our friends some more. I don't really mind the age difference too much, but I am worried about what other people will think about me if we do end up together. Not only that, I am a virgin and I've never been in a relationship. I've kissed one guy and that was a horrible experience.

What if since I am three years older he expects me to be experienced? I know his longest relationship was two months and I think he has only had two girlfriends so he doesn't have a lot of experience either, but he might disappointed when he finds out I am a lot less experienced then he is. I know nothing about relationships except from what I've seen and what I've read in books.

 

Don't worry about a thing, if you have never been in a relationship and still a virgin that could be the start of a very healthy relationship. Trust me most men wouldn't be disapointed if they foundout their g/f was inexperienced unless they are inmature or ignorant.

 

I know id be very happy to be in his shoes right now, older woman than me with no experience is what iam looking for.

[Superfreak]

He's actually a lot more mature then his age. He's had to work hard to support his family. I didn't know he was younger until he told me his age.

But now I feel more uncomfortable thinking about it that way. He is a boy and I am a woman. Maybe I shouldn't worry about it. I'm too mature for him I guess.

 

To me this seems like you're just looking for an excuse, any excuse, to avoid the relationship. Either because you're not in to him and are grasping for a justification, or more likely you don't feel like you deserve to be in a relationship.

 

If you really don't want to be with him, don't ignore his actual level of maturity and pretend "oh despite what I know of you I'm pretty sure you're no more mature then a highschool girl". This isn't a justification not to date him, it's a cop-out.

 

 

It is not the actual age difference that is the issue here. We are talking about an 18/19 year old boy here. A lot of guys that age have the maturity level equivalent to that of a 15/16 year old girl. As a 22 year old WOMAN, you should be a lot more mature than a guy that age. And it is not about relationship experience or what ever, it is about he acts, talks, thinks etc. If you feel you can deal with that and are compatible at the level, go ahead.

 

At the same time though it's not a hard and fast rule. I seriously doubt that even a majority of 19 year old boys are equivalent in maturity to 15 year old girls. Sure girls in their teens definitely get in less trouble and are not the $hit disturbers that boys are (although this is becoming less and less true each year), but I havn't actually noticed much heightened awareness of social conventions among girls compared to boys at the highschool level.

 

A 19 year old is equivalent to a second year University student and a 15 year old is equivalent to about a grade 9 student. I seriously doubt the average grade 9 female is ready for the discipline required to get to second year University so the claim that the average maturity of a 19 year old boy is equivalent to a grade 9 female just can't be correct.

 

More likely any maturity gains held by girls over boys are probably erased by age 15 or so.

[twentiesgirl86]

To me this seems like you're just looking for an excuse, any excuse, to avoid the relationship. Either because you're not in to him and are grasping for a justification, or more likely you don't feel like you deserve to be in a relationship.

 

If you really don't want to be with him, don't ignore his actual level of maturity and pretend "oh despite what I know of you I'm pretty sure you're no more mature then a highschool girl". This isn't a justification not to date him, it's a cop-out.

No I definitely want to be with him. I only said that because if this:

 

We are talking about an 18/19 year old boy here. A lot of guys that age have the maturity level equivalent to that of a 15/16 year old girl. As a 22 year old WOMAN, you should be a lot more mature than a guy that age.

 

He is very mature about his age but this person said that at 22 I am too mature for him. I think he is very mature from the way he is. The way he has to work hard for eveything in life and he isn't arrogant. He is actually everything I am looking for in a guy. I spent every moment I could with him last weekend and I've missed him all week. But then I read that post where I am a woman and he is a boy it makes me uncomfortable thinking of him as a boy. What will people think then? Maybe they will wonder what I am doing with just a boy...? Even though when I was with him I thought of him as a man not a boy.

I met his parents too and they really liked me. His step dad kept calling me his girlfriend. Then we would look at each other and grin.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

His an 18 year old guy. If you feel comfortable with HIM as a person. If you are attracted to HIM as a person go for it. Its not that big of an age gap and if he is mature then thats all that matters. Think of it as you are two people who like each other. Its only a 3 year age difference. Nothing extrordinary. If you have fun together who cares what other people think?

[ladyblue07]

Three years is not a huge difference once you're talking about adults. My boyfriend is a year younger than me and arguably more mature than I am in some ways.

I'd say go out with him and see for yourself if he is immature. You'll be able to tell soon enough if he is.

If nothing else, it will be good for you to get a chance to date and see how it goes.

Sexual experience shouldn't be an issue. I know a lot of guys who actually would prefer to date a virgin rather than a girl who had slept with a bunch of guys.

However, just learning how to date and get along with people in a romantic setting is a skill that needs to be practiced, so going out with this guy could be a good learning experience!

[hear_her_roar]

Don't be so hard on yourself! If you like this guy, then even if people around you have an issue with it initially, they'll come around once they realize how happy you are (or potentially could be).

As for what he thinks, I'd suggest just getting to know him better. There's nothing wrong with easing into a relationship, as it could help make things more comfortable for the both of you, and there's certainly nothing wrong with being open about the fact that you consider yourself to be inexperienced.

Age is just a number; remember that. And best of luck!

[cfcommunist]

I'm married and have been for 5 (soon to be 6years) to a wonderful gal named Rachel who is 5 years older then me. 22/19 isn't that bad (only 3 years) When i was 17 i was with a girl named Kala who was 23 (6yr difference) They are the only to romantic relationships i've ever had. And it has never been an issue. Also don't worry if your friends are true friends, they'll just be happy that your happy...

(Fyi I lost Kala as the result of a car accident, god bless her, we never broke up or anything)

 

It's really gona come down to you guys individually. Can you handle a guy who's prolly gona be a little behind you in maturity? is he comfortable with someone whose older and is probably more mature? Alot of people thought Me and Kala were a mess, The reality was we had a beautiful Relationship. It wasn't at all awkward or one sided or any of the stereotypes people hold about age-gap relationships.

 

The key here was right from the beginning we made it clear were we both stood on things, What we expected, and how far we were willing to compromise for one another. Both ends have to be willing to give a little, She was prepared to be patient with me, and I understood that she was gona expect me to grow up a little faster... but we were committed and able to meet in the middle. generally the bigger the gap the more flexible you both have to be... and yes, the more "OMG" responses you will get from those who have never been there.

 

I wish you both the best, and hope this all made sense to ya and was helpful ;-)

[schueysgirl]

To the OP i am 23 and my bf is 19...there is 4/5 years between us and we both couldnt be happier, love each other very much and making plans for the rest of our life together. If you both like each other and make each other happy go for it! x